Am I ever going to sleep again?

[englishmuffin]

@3angels 2 year molars maybe?? They’re awful! Leaving your baby alone or letting them cry isn’t going to help that.

Start by trying to go to bed earlier yourself. On her first wake, fall back asleep with her in her bed or bring her into yours, if you’re all able to sleep together. It will get better and she will figure it out. It’s all a phase, sometimes phases are longer than others, but it will pass.

 

[marie2018]

@3angels They need to learn to soothe themselves. I think there's a middle of the road between "ignore them crying" and "respond fully all the time", where they learn that waking up a little in the nighttime is fine and they can get back to sleep without a freakout.

Are they generally okay with separation during the day, or are they going through an anxious phase? If they're not going through a phase right now, you might try some daytime seaparation-and-return practice games so they know you'll always come back.

Do you have a nighttime routine? It might be time to change up the routine to match their growing skills. Get more buy-in with more choices (of story, PJs, stuffy, etc.) If possible, the new routine can have you leaving while they're calm but before they're fully asleep.

Are they attached to a special comfort item? This is an age where they tend to go hardcore on a special blankie or lovie. If they don't have one, consider introducing a special soothing item, which can help them self-soothe.

 

[carolahess]

@3angels No advice to give, but I’m sorry, that’s so very difficult.

 

[gregory33ad]

@3angels Honestly, 2 was hard for my oldest whos alwaysbeen bad with sleep. She woke up a lot for all sorts of reasons. We just had her start in her bed, and then at the first wake-up, she came to ours and would sleep fine. Maybe stir to find a good cuddling position but would pass back out without tears. If you don't want to Cosleep could you put a space on the ground next to your bed?

My oldest is now just turned 4. She sleeps in her own bed all night most nights. A few times a month she'll wake up in the wee morning and either ask us to snuggle with her or come to our bed. But overall I'd say she is a great Sleeper now and that it started improving at 3 yrold.

Hang in there! Hope you find something that works for all of you.

 

[bolingbroke]

@3angels I highly recommend the book It's Never Too Late To Sleep Train. There are so many different methods, and you don't just have to leave them to cry for hours. The book goes into all the things you can do to optimize your routine, and explains how everything we do is training (or reinforcing) the current patterns.

 

[livingreality]

@3angels I can tell you I was right where you were! My son didn’t start “sleeping through the night” (aka sleeping next to me without needing me to actively support him through the night) until he was about 2.5 years old. He still cosleeps, and he falls asleep in his room (with me laying next to him) and then about 3-4 hours later, walks out of his room and into our bed every night. I honestly thought I would never sleep again, and am still very wary of having a second because of how detrimental the sleep deprivation was for me (he never slept more than 3 hours at a home for the first almost 2 years). But now that he is older and sleeping better, it’s so much more manageable for us. I am so glad we didn’t sleep train, I’m learning he is such a lover and I can see that he just craved that connection
/reassurance from us at night. You’re doing great and it will get better!!

 

[ddavis]

@3angels Honestly, sleep training and CIO does prevent this (usually) but I don’t think it’s too late! Read Dr Ferber’s book he has some tips for older kids.

 

[strange1]

@3angels This is why we used Taking Cara Babies, this is her description of how she got to your point and then decided to find a way to sleep train that felt kind enough for her: https://takingcarababies.com/talk-about-sleep-training

At age 2, a lot of her tips don't really apply anymore, unfortunately. But for the next one, maybe this is helpful. She also says it's critical to keep them in the crib as long as possible (I can share her article on that if you want). A lot of people try to fix sleep problems with a toddler bed and it backfires terribly.

 

[4myrecovery]

@strange1 Not sure why you're being downvoted because you speak the truth. Maybe someone considering sleep training will see this post and your comment and realize it's better to bite the bullet and do it before the age of 1 than get caught regretting not doing it when their preschooler doesn't sleep through the night because they weren't given the skills to do so.

 

[bluetestament]

@4myrecovery I think it’s because (to me at least) these comments come off as judgmental. Like “yeah you screwed up, here’s how to do it right next time”

Also, a sleep trained baby doesn’t necessarily mean a sleep trained toddler. Studies have shown that parent reported improvements in sleep disappear by 2 with controlled crying, so even babies who have been “given the skills” to sleep through the night don’t always do so as toddlers.

 

[4myrecovery]

@bluetestament You're right - a sleep-trained baby will still have regressions, especially once you move them from a crib to a toddler bed. I know with ours, we were able to use similar methods from when we sleep-trained her at 8 months and when she regressed around the age of 2. We basically had to 're-train' her but we felt ok with it since we had done it once before.

 

[strange1]

@4myrecovery People really don't like to hear it. OP unfortunately made the toddler bed mistake from the sound of things. It's not OP's fault. The resources are simply not out there to educate moms on the options.

 

[bitsy2005]

@3angels I’m in the same boat…15 mo…. My MIL low key shamed me for trying sleep training and my partner was not supportive either and of course I barely could do it in the first place with the crying…no advice just solidarity

 

[ebveloz]

@3angels Same! Mine is a little younger at 15 months. Here’s where we landed, dad sleeps in her room 2 nights in a row and then I do 1 night, switching back and forth. We were switching every night but I was still not getting enough sleep. He can go to sleep easier after she wakes him up and she wants to nurse if I’m in her room so we adjusted the cadence. Not ideal but it’s working for us and I’m finally able to sleep through the night for consecutive days!