Aita for not wanting my daughters father at her birth or on her birth certificate

@jassikm This is some of the things they don’t tell you. (Learned by experience) if you want to take your child that you raised all alone out of the country you can’t if his bio don’t agree if his name is on the B.C. If something was to happen to you and you was to leave in your will that your underage child needs to go to let’s say your mom or your siblings. Nope he becomes the sole parent( unless they can prove he unfit). I agree with don’t put his name on let him earn the right to be dad.

My son bio dad name is on his B.C and because of him. My son have missed 2 trips to Jamaica and 1 to England. Just because his dead beat sp*rm donor did not want to sign for his passport stating that when the first time he leave the country he want it to be with him. He have not saw his son in 2 years and and only seen him a handful of times since he been born. Plus bio dad never been out of the state.

Don’t put his name on it. My husband of 3 years wants to adopt my son and this have been a hard process because I was told that he have to go a full year no contract for me to file to get him removed but he make sure he calls 2-3 a year.

He was never there at all. To not pay child support he work jobs under the table. He send a few dollars a few times a year birthday/ holiday. My son is 11 now and my husband been there the last 5 years and he sees him as dad and when people ask who is dad is he said my husband and even told me he wish my husband was his really dad. He do respect he bio when ever he call but he don’t make any effort to call him. On Father’s Day he give my husband gifts and don’t even think about bio. To him at 11 years old he know that my husband have been there for him and supported him, never missed a event. Just because you get someone pregnant don’t mean you a dad.

Real men step up!!!!
 
Also I’m pro choice and I wanted the abortion he did not pro life. But he was pro life as long as he don’t have to be in his life.
 
@jassikm My baby dad was not present for the birth and that was my decision because I knew it would add stress. I had my mom and best friend with me and it was an amazing experience. Make this asshole put in effort don’t make things easy for him he is not entitled to be on the birth certificate or even acknowledged as the father. I know it’s daunting and sad to think about but trust me, it’s better than having a jerk play around with both of your hearts and minds ❤️‍🩹 the best is yet to come!
 
@jassikm Congratulations on your pregnancy! There are so many emotions and hormones running through you. These are very valid questions! I think in your heart you know what you should do.

You walked away already because his lifestyle risked your health and mental well-being. As you said, he is not the kind of person you want to be with.
Giving birth is beautiful, but also mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting. What you need right now is support, whether from your parents or friends.

If he is present at the birth, he can sign the birth certificate. If he does this he is legally stating he is responsible for this child. This can go either way. Does he have the follow-through to go back and forth at court? Does he have the finances for a lawyer? Child-support does not happen automatically. And custody battles are traumatic.

Please remember you did not ruin his future, he chose his path and his actions dictate his future. I got an abortion and 20 years later it is the one thing that gnaws me raw. If he was not present during the pregnancy, there is a huge statistical correlation that he will not be present after your baby is born.

You can always call him after the birth and have them meet. And decide from there how involved you want him to be. It always seems that the more involved the Mothers want the father to be, the less they are. And the fathers that are involved that we wish would just disappear, are the ones that put Moms through hell with custody orders, Department of Children and Families, mandated parenting classes with a social worker….

Please call a Therapist or a Life Coach. If you can’t afford one most do a complimentary call and it’s so helpful just getting objective feedback. Talking helps us process our emotions and help us not feel so alone. Especially after birth if you get hit with the postpartum blues.

Love this beautiful baby. Single Mothers successfully raise happy babies without the father involved everyday. Only you know what is best for your baby. Think about your mental health first then you can improve other obstacles.
 
@jassikm Older lady here…Don’t put him on the birth certificate for now. And ABSOLUTELY NOT he should not be at the birth.

You’re a medical patient and he’s an unsupportive ass who have you several STD’s.

Let him know if he wants to be involved. He can stop by and visit after you get out of the hospital.
 
@jassikm As a single dad I’d say start this alone and stick to your guns because if he is serious he will work for it and prove himself but if you allow him in and he becomes an arsehole or a threat then you can’t take that back ?? Let him grow up and meantime do it alone coz you will do better and learn faster without a big grown baby also draining your resources ? His language and attitude don’t sound like that of a man willing to help and he is all for his feelings and his wants and needs so ignore him and if he truly wants to stand up then do it in a controlled environment with people you trust around just in case he has any shitty ideas
 
@jassikm Girl, you are in a rough situation. The baby is of the utmost importance. She does not deserve to be treated that way. Block him on every platform. Believe me, I’d have a lot rather never met my dad at all that to have been played for a fool by him several times.
 
@jassikm I would not put him on the birth certificate! I wouldn't want him demanding parental rights and causing problems in my or the child's life. You're not the ass.
 
@jassikm NTA. Let's be very clear. You have not ruined this abuser's life. He is absolutely emotionally and psychologically abusing you by continuing to bring up the fact that you aren't "murdering" this child after you have clearly stated your boundary and intention to keep the child and leave him out of this. You have stated you will be a single parent and he keeps pushing his way inside your boundary with offensive language towards your child.

YOU have done NOTHING to ruin his ability to marry, buy a house, and have a children with whoever the love of his life is. The fact that he he attempting to lay THAT at your feet after cheating on you, sharing 2 STDs with you, and continuing to sleep around shows that he is not grounded in reality.

He's showing his true colors here. He will spend his life being verbally abusive to you and your child. I would not put him on the birth certificate. I would not willingly tie you or an innocent child to that bag of issues for the rest of that child's life.

If he doesn't cease and desist, I'd be blocking him every way I could. If he starts showing up, in person, I'd be getting an order of protection. All this stress isn't good for you or baby.

If he's not on the birth certificate, you'll never be able to get child support from him. You'll also never have to deal with visitation or ongoing problems from Bag of Issues from him or any other Drama Llamas he hooks up with or impregnates along the way.

Protect your peace, Mama. Seriously, block him, cut him out of your life, don't look back.
 
@jassikm Honestly wouldn’t want him anywhere near me or my child, I’d just say the baby didn’t survive, block him on everything and run away start a fresh
 
@jassikm Ooooof I was on the fence with ‘maybe he will surprise you and be a good father even if he was an awful partner’….but that last bit flipped me round. If he said all of that ‘you robbed me of this you cost me that’ anger to you, I’d be concerned he’d quickly turn that attitude towards the child - becoming a possible safety risk. I’m sorry you’re going through this momma.
 
@jassikm Once he asked you to get an abortion, he lost the right to have any voice in anything about YOUR child. If I were in your shoes I would cut him off--I would move--with no forwarding address. Do NOT put his name on your baby's paperwork.
 
@jassikm He "robbed" himself of his ideal future. He's the one who chose to raw dog (not only you, but apparently other vajayjays as well). Depending on what state you live in, you have options as far as birth certs, financial aid, etc. Ultimately it's the mother's choice when there's no marriage at conception as to the future of said child.

YNTA.
 
@jassikm As a genealogy enthusiast, I’d think having him on the BC would make things easier for your child as an adult, and many generations to come. After that, lawyer up!
 
@sbachman Then add the bio father when the child is 18. The records will be updated and the potential future generations that may or may not be born or may or may not be interested in genealogy will be satisfied 🙄
 
@jassikm Don't put him on the BC if you don't want to, nor do you have to allow him to be there. That is your choice, and your right. But remember, he can take you to court and he will be allowed in his childs life if he so chooses to do so.

It does suck that he wasn't there for you, and that he didn't give you the support you deserve, and it does suck that he shows his ass at every chance he does get. But as the father, it is also his right to be involved in his child's life. The birth of your child is a once in a lifetime event for the BOTH of you, and that should also be taken into consideration when making this decision.
 
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