Accepted my fate that I am just a vessel for my kids and this lifetime will be spent living in the shadows. Single mother of 4, 30 y/o
- Thread starter acts2031
- Start date
@acts2031 Ok this is good. Hang in there. My aunt has 4 kids she’s 62 and the women in my family are blessed and hard working. She’s a fitness instructor and looks like she’s 42-45. All the women in my family do. Take care of your body and your mental health. Be patient. It’s going to be hard and take time. It will happen unexpectedly. I have so many stories of people I have known that have been in similar shoes to you. You will find a lover and find romance. Please be patient might be a month might be two years.
rrob692326
New member
@acts2031 We all have our own situations. I have two children with my ex, and he rarely sees them. He actually said that he wanted 6 children. However, he didn’t know what to do with the ones he had and wanted other people to raise them. I think that he liked the idea of having a big family. Some men are very selfish and just aren’t marriage/parent material and many dod not have proper role models growing up. Many women also fall into this category. It’s not just a male problem. Our society’s values are completely screwed up.
Don’t lose hope in meeting the right person, but please don’t settle for an asshole. I met some nice guys, but we didn’t have long term compatibility. One guy I dated for 2.5 years didn’t want children. Obviously, that was not going to work. My grandmother never remarried after her husband died at 42. She was very attractive and didn’t want to deal with anyone else’s issues. I understand why she gave up on dating/marriage.
Don’t lose hope in meeting the right person, but please don’t settle for an asshole. I met some nice guys, but we didn’t have long term compatibility. One guy I dated for 2.5 years didn’t want children. Obviously, that was not going to work. My grandmother never remarried after her husband died at 42. She was very attractive and didn’t want to deal with anyone else’s issues. I understand why she gave up on dating/marriage.
@rrob692326 You said it right! My kid’s father is the young sibling. I’m the oldest and the only daughter. You can see where this is going. When he lived with us, I was a mother of five…until his ass moved out. It seems like the father of our kids wanted a big family, but were not built for what a large family entails.
@acts2031 50, Single mom of 3. Each has a variety of challenges. Their Dad has had minimal contact. Even as they become adults, they are needy. I knew a long time ago that my kids were my purpose.
I'm content with my life. I work full time. My kids take everything else I have. I'm not apposed to meeting someone, but I'm content. I find balance by enjoying my job and co workers. One day my kids will be independent and I might be lonely, but I think I'll enjoy my time being creative and "unneeded".
I'm content with my life. I work full time. My kids take everything else I have. I'm not apposed to meeting someone, but I'm content. I find balance by enjoying my job and co workers. One day my kids will be independent and I might be lonely, but I think I'll enjoy my time being creative and "unneeded".
theophilus555
New member
theophilus555
New member
@beginningtowonder Yes. The only real benefit of a man is help in sharing responsibilities. Depending on what a woman ends up with it can be draining. It’s been nice not having to deal with all of that. I hope more of us start understanding that our freedom can also be a gift.
@theophilus555 This is the mentality that I’m switching to.
@acts2031 Single dad of 2. I used to struggle with the feeling lonely part more than anything. I'm content with my life and raising my kids. Do I want a partner? Absolutely. I could go back to working a regular job and not be dependent on VA disability and for what I'm trained in, could have a single breadwinner if I went back to work. My oldest is special needs, so unless I get the occasional sitter, I'm basically stuck at home. I'm figuring it out though and doing my best. The right person will show up when it's the right time. You gotta sort out that misery and bitterness stuff though, because that's going to keep you miserable and alone, and your children will learn that kind of behavior as normal.
@acts2031 Left my husband at 32 and had pretty much this same mindset. I had no desire to date and transitioning to single parenting was no joke. Dating was not on my radar. Even though I would get attention from men I was convinced that no one would want me and my 4 kids. Anyway, going on 36 now and long story short, I have met someone who meets and exceeds the things I had hoped to find in a partner. I'm no longer afraid to accept love and reciprocate it.
Side note...
I'm thrilled to see other single moms of 4 commenting. I've really felt isolated in my struggles on this journey.
Side note...
I'm thrilled to see other single moms of 4 commenting. I've really felt isolated in my struggles on this journey.
irishtexan39
New member
@tasjane Never! My kids see me laughing and cracking jokes all around the house. I do get frustrated and exhibit that when I have one kid breaking things and the other one crying. But I never throw any guilt their way. I would never blame my kids for my singleness. If anything, my kids are the genuine love I have. I want them to grow up in a happy home. I’m very sorry about your upbringing. Sending you a momma’s hug!
@acts2031 Sending hugs to you.
I'm a late in life mother, nearly 39 with a 20mo old.
I won't take up a bunch of space with our situation. But overall, I don't see hope for not being alone in the future for myself.
I'm not young, not particularly attractive and what seems to be the attitude of a lot of men, just makes me not feel like wasting time hunting around for a decent one. Not only that, I really don't like the idea of ever potentially having anyone know my daughter and her get attached and then leave. Just nope. Stuff is hard enough as is.
What I do is look at the freedom I can have in other things. Like, if we can have our own place one day...I won't have a man telling me that having a fantastic bright pink couch is stupid. Or he doesn't want a glitter shower curtain. I'll be free to make everything around us joyful in any way I want.
That's what I try to focus on anyway.
I'm a late in life mother, nearly 39 with a 20mo old.
I won't take up a bunch of space with our situation. But overall, I don't see hope for not being alone in the future for myself.
I'm not young, not particularly attractive and what seems to be the attitude of a lot of men, just makes me not feel like wasting time hunting around for a decent one. Not only that, I really don't like the idea of ever potentially having anyone know my daughter and her get attached and then leave. Just nope. Stuff is hard enough as is.
What I do is look at the freedom I can have in other things. Like, if we can have our own place one day...I won't have a man telling me that having a fantastic bright pink couch is stupid. Or he doesn't want a glitter shower curtain. I'll be free to make everything around us joyful in any way I want.
That's what I try to focus on anyway.