A FTM birth plan thrown to the wind
- Thread starter snowtrekker
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@snowtrekker STM, 40w. I had a fantastic, 0 intervention, unmedicated birth with my first. I was planning on trying to do that again for my second, but I am so mentally done after having contractions off and on the last week and I scheduled an elective induction for the day after tomorrow. You can lay out plans, but ultimately you can’t predict what’ll happen during labor/birth. Amazing job accepting help and going with the flow!
@snowtrekker I’m a midwife who was planning an unmedicated water birth. I arrived at the hospital at 4.5 cm, quickly progressed to 7cm, and was stuck there for about 4 hours when I got the epidural. And it was the best epidural.
When I got the epidural I was at a point where I felt like if I continued down the road I was on, I wasn’t sure I would be able to look back at my experience positively. There was also some concerns regarding baby’s heart rate and I wanted to be as clear-headed as possible while making decisions regarding how my labor should be managed.
My baby was VERY asynclitic (head tilted instead of coming straight down) and I think I absolutely needed to have the epidural in order to relax enough to allow my baby to work his way out. I pushed for 3 hours and honestly had a very happy and peaceful birth.
When I got the epidural I was at a point where I felt like if I continued down the road I was on, I wasn’t sure I would be able to look back at my experience positively. There was also some concerns regarding baby’s heart rate and I wanted to be as clear-headed as possible while making decisions regarding how my labor should be managed.
My baby was VERY asynclitic (head tilted instead of coming straight down) and I think I absolutely needed to have the epidural in order to relax enough to allow my baby to work his way out. I pushed for 3 hours and honestly had a very happy and peaceful birth.
@snowtrekker Thank you for sharing!! I’m currently in the boat you previously were in… quite determined and proud and prepared of my hopefully intervention free labor.
But… it’s my first. I have no idea what to expect. Everyone just keeps telling me it’s fine and good to plan, but also plan to throw your plans out the window
Congratulations on your new baby girl!! So excited for you!!
But… it’s my first. I have no idea what to expect. Everyone just keeps telling me it’s fine and good to plan, but also plan to throw your plans out the window
Congratulations on your new baby girl!! So excited for you!!
@ben232222 Just a tip to stop you feeling disheartened like OP - a FTMs cervix cannot multitask. Your labour will start and your cervix has to shorten and soften before it can dilate in the early stages. OP found out they were 1cm and thought “all THAT for 1cm!”
But that’s not the case, her cervix had shortened to become paper thin and softened, and moved forward, AND dilated 1cm. As she saw, she progressed the other 9cm in 5 hours! With an epidural where she was less mobile too! So if you show up to the hospital and are told you’re only
But that’s not the case, her cervix had shortened to become paper thin and softened, and moved forward, AND dilated 1cm. As she saw, she progressed the other 9cm in 5 hours! With an epidural where she was less mobile too! So if you show up to the hospital and are told you’re only
@ben232222 I would strongly recommend hypnobirthing with the caveat of find a practitioner who teaches how it can work alongside medical intervention (some can be very negative and dismissive of intervention). I didn’t quite do it early enough to get the full benefit but definitely felt it helped in knowing what to expect and also be aware of words that are used during labour and how they can affect contractions E.g. “only 2cm”
It was probably more helpful for my partner as he understood how to be a more active participant in my labour and so could almost takeover trying to help me manage when I just needed to focus on the contractions.
We ended up needing intervention but again could still use the hypnobirthing to keep relaxed with that
It was probably more helpful for my partner as he understood how to be a more active participant in my labour and so could almost takeover trying to help me manage when I just needed to focus on the contractions.
We ended up needing intervention but again could still use the hypnobirthing to keep relaxed with that
myaccount1
New member
@ben232222 I was in this boat and had a wonderful intervention free labour, don’t let this post dishearten you as it is totally possible
@myaccount1 Thank you!! Mentally and emotionally I’m pumped up for it. 
@dgerber I mean certainly we could all give birth without pain medication. Women have done this since the beginning of time. But to act like women were never traumatized by the pain or things they went through is just not accurate or fair to the women who came before us. The baby is coming regardless of your pain medication options. Access to pain medication has opened up options for people and because of this- I do believe more people (not everyone) walk away having a more positive and less traumatic experience because those who want pain medication, have access to it.
@sharon123 Agreed. A friend of mine had an epidural. But she got it after 3 days of labour! She was traumatised for years. Bitter even.
I got mine almost 30 minutes after my contractions started. My birth experience was blissful compared to hers. No trauma.
Not to mention, the women that laboured for days sometimes didn't make it, nor did their babies. Thankfully, we now have modern science. Not everyone needs it, but many do. Same with c sections.
I got mine almost 30 minutes after my contractions started. My birth experience was blissful compared to hers. No trauma.
Not to mention, the women that laboured for days sometimes didn't make it, nor did their babies. Thankfully, we now have modern science. Not everyone needs it, but many do. Same with c sections.
starlightchild
New member
@snowtrekker Congrats on your birth & kudos to you for accepting help when YOU felt YOU needed it. There’s no shame in getting relief or C section & no prize for not. That being said allllll of It freaking hurts. The vaginal birth and/or the C section & the epidural hurts too. However that baby exits, you will feel some pain haha. And until you have experienced it you can talk allllll day long about how you are certain you’ll have a medication free birth. I know bc I prepared & was one of those ridiculous women! Lol but my baby had other plans. He did not tolerate labor at all. Horrible tracing on his heart rate & when I had a C section I didn’t want he had a true knot in his cord. The stuff of nightmares. I have a two year old bc of modern medicine where 100 years ago I would have gotten my perfect birth but had a stillborn or a baby with hypoxia.
My best advice to any FTM is go in hoping but birth is unpredictable & just be ready to pivot. I was not. I dug my feet in & ended up having terrible PPD after my birth didn’t go at all like I envisioned. It took me a long time to come to terms with how things went. But flexibility is so important in motherhood. It was a big lesson for me & honestly started me toward a more compassionate, less judgmental journey.
My best advice to any FTM is go in hoping but birth is unpredictable & just be ready to pivot. I was not. I dug my feet in & ended up having terrible PPD after my birth didn’t go at all like I envisioned. It took me a long time to come to terms with how things went. But flexibility is so important in motherhood. It was a big lesson for me & honestly started me toward a more compassionate, less judgmental journey.
alisharayner
New member
@snowtrekker I had my first baby in January, and my experience was similar!
I went to triage for the first time at 37+6 for reduced movement. Baby was totally fine, my BP was not. They admitted me that day to be induced, so my loosely planned birth of no intervention/med free birth went out the window too.
After 24 hours of cytotec, I had progressed to 1 cm. They started me on pitocin, and maybe 14 hours later my OB came to check me and I was still 1 to 1.5 cm. She did a cervical sweep before she was going to attempt to insert the Foley when she accidentally broke my water. Maybe 30 min-1 hr later contractions started, and I think the combo of broken waters and having been on increasing doses of pitocin for 12+ hours, the contractions ramped up sooo quickly until I was having either back labor and or back to back contractions as well. No breathing through it or position changes like planned, all I could do was projectile vomit orange jello over the labor bed from the pain. After two hours of laboring like that I asked for the gas, but they were taking forever to get it and I was just like there is NO way I can labor for who knows how long like this, especially knowing I was 1 cm, I said just give me the epidural. Luckily she came within 10 min.
I was shaking soo hard from the pain/hormones/pit but I just bear hugged my nurse while they administered the epidural. It took 30+ min too, she tried three different spots before she got it, apparently my lower pine is a little twisted..once it started working I was uncomfortable because I could feel the catheter, but eventually that went away. I was super thankful the epi was light so I could still move my legs. They checked me again and I was STILL 1 cm. At that point I was so disheartened, if those intense contracts over a two hour period didn't do anything I was pretty positive I was headed for a C-section. After 40+ hours at least I was able to get some sleep while side laying with a peanut ball between my legs. I woke up maybe two hours later. I told the nurse I was feeling some mild pressure in my vagina, but in my head it wasnt the "I have to poop" feeling I had heard so much about so I didn't have my hopes up. I got another cervical check and she said "would you believe it if I told you you are 10 cm?". Ill never forget that moment, we both cried. I started pushing, came down with a fever, almost didn't think I had the energy to keep pushing but 1.5 hours later my baby was born along with all the thick meconium she had released in utero. I had a tear in my vaginal canal that required just a few stitches, but I didn't tear my perineum which was at least one way I had hoped my birth would go
. I was absolutely euphoric when my baby made her debut regardless.
Even though this could sound traumatic, I felt so incredibly positive about my birth afterwards. I was so proud of myself for knowing when it was time to surrender, I am positive that I needed that epidural for my body to relax enough to dilate and efface. From admittance to birth was about 48 hours, but the start of my contractions to birth was less than 7 hours. I went from 1-10 in just two hours! I spent a total of 4 days in the hospital, but I had such a good experience I'm quitting my job and going back to get my associates of nursing degree to become an RN.
All this to say if your birth plans go out the window, don't get discouraged thinking that means you won't have a positive birth experience. I wouldn't have changed mine at all!
I went to triage for the first time at 37+6 for reduced movement. Baby was totally fine, my BP was not. They admitted me that day to be induced, so my loosely planned birth of no intervention/med free birth went out the window too.
After 24 hours of cytotec, I had progressed to 1 cm. They started me on pitocin, and maybe 14 hours later my OB came to check me and I was still 1 to 1.5 cm. She did a cervical sweep before she was going to attempt to insert the Foley when she accidentally broke my water. Maybe 30 min-1 hr later contractions started, and I think the combo of broken waters and having been on increasing doses of pitocin for 12+ hours, the contractions ramped up sooo quickly until I was having either back labor and or back to back contractions as well. No breathing through it or position changes like planned, all I could do was projectile vomit orange jello over the labor bed from the pain. After two hours of laboring like that I asked for the gas, but they were taking forever to get it and I was just like there is NO way I can labor for who knows how long like this, especially knowing I was 1 cm, I said just give me the epidural. Luckily she came within 10 min.
I was shaking soo hard from the pain/hormones/pit but I just bear hugged my nurse while they administered the epidural. It took 30+ min too, she tried three different spots before she got it, apparently my lower pine is a little twisted..once it started working I was uncomfortable because I could feel the catheter, but eventually that went away. I was super thankful the epi was light so I could still move my legs. They checked me again and I was STILL 1 cm. At that point I was so disheartened, if those intense contracts over a two hour period didn't do anything I was pretty positive I was headed for a C-section. After 40+ hours at least I was able to get some sleep while side laying with a peanut ball between my legs. I woke up maybe two hours later. I told the nurse I was feeling some mild pressure in my vagina, but in my head it wasnt the "I have to poop" feeling I had heard so much about so I didn't have my hopes up. I got another cervical check and she said "would you believe it if I told you you are 10 cm?". Ill never forget that moment, we both cried. I started pushing, came down with a fever, almost didn't think I had the energy to keep pushing but 1.5 hours later my baby was born along with all the thick meconium she had released in utero. I had a tear in my vaginal canal that required just a few stitches, but I didn't tear my perineum which was at least one way I had hoped my birth would go
. I was absolutely euphoric when my baby made her debut regardless.Even though this could sound traumatic, I felt so incredibly positive about my birth afterwards. I was so proud of myself for knowing when it was time to surrender, I am positive that I needed that epidural for my body to relax enough to dilate and efface. From admittance to birth was about 48 hours, but the start of my contractions to birth was less than 7 hours. I went from 1-10 in just two hours! I spent a total of 4 days in the hospital, but I had such a good experience I'm quitting my job and going back to get my associates of nursing degree to become an RN.
All this to say if your birth plans go out the window, don't get discouraged thinking that means you won't have a positive birth experience. I wouldn't have changed mine at all!
@snowtrekker I’m weirdly relived to hear your story lol I am so happy that you were able to get through the rest of your labor with so much less pain!
I became humbled at the thought of an intervention free birth just before getting pregnant, thank goodness.
I had a bartholin cyst, I’m very happy for you if you’ve never heard of those! It’s a cyst in the gland that creates lubricant on the inner edge of the vaginal canal. I was one of the unlucky ones whose cyst became very infected and very very painful. I had zero mental prep going in for an outpatient surgery to drain the cyst, on just how excruciatingly painful this was going to be. Even after getting a shot of lidocaine at the incision sight, topical numbing cream, and an iv injection of freaking morphine, this was still hands down the worst pain of my life. I went into shock as soon as we left the ER, it was actually traumatic.
For some backstory, I have a bit of a high pain tolerance due to my history of Crohn’s disease. I’ve dealt with kidney stones twice, passing the first stone without any medical help as I was a dumb teen who didn’t understand how insurance and hospitals worked and I was super poor. My type of Crohn’s also gives me severe stomach pains that I’ve been to the ER for countless times. On top of all of this! I had an ectopic pregnancy rupture with internal bleeding, pretty freaking painful, several months ago.
So no, I will not be enduring any more unnecessary pain if I don’t absolutely have to
I became humbled at the thought of an intervention free birth just before getting pregnant, thank goodness.
I had a bartholin cyst, I’m very happy for you if you’ve never heard of those! It’s a cyst in the gland that creates lubricant on the inner edge of the vaginal canal. I was one of the unlucky ones whose cyst became very infected and very very painful. I had zero mental prep going in for an outpatient surgery to drain the cyst, on just how excruciatingly painful this was going to be. Even after getting a shot of lidocaine at the incision sight, topical numbing cream, and an iv injection of freaking morphine, this was still hands down the worst pain of my life. I went into shock as soon as we left the ER, it was actually traumatic.
For some backstory, I have a bit of a high pain tolerance due to my history of Crohn’s disease. I’ve dealt with kidney stones twice, passing the first stone without any medical help as I was a dumb teen who didn’t understand how insurance and hospitals worked and I was super poor. My type of Crohn’s also gives me severe stomach pains that I’ve been to the ER for countless times. On top of all of this! I had an ectopic pregnancy rupture with internal bleeding, pretty freaking painful, several months ago.
So no, I will not be enduring any more unnecessary pain if I don’t absolutely have to
richardparker
New member
@grzedar Oh my god. About the cyst I had to have mine drained surgically as well and they put me under / I was no aware/conscious. I woke up and there was blood on the bed sheets beneath me and it was in a quiet dark section of the hospital middle of the night. It felt like a horror show. But I felt none of it. I can’t imagine doing it awake/aware 
@richardparker Horrible way to wake up sorry,seriously sounds like you woke up into a nightmare! But thankfully you didn’t have to feel it! I should have been put under as well, if I ever get it again I’ll refuse to do the procedure until they knock me out. I wish I would have been better informed.
@snowtrekker I had back labor, too. My midwives had me on my hands and knees to help take pressure off my back, which helped. Although it’s not easy to stay in that position. If I had it to do all over again, I’d kneel on the floor and rest my upper body on the side of the bed.
Just saying, if anyone’s at home with back labor, try one of those.
Not that my body cooperated in the end, either. My baby’s head refused to come down into the birth canal and I had a c-section.
Just saying, if anyone’s at home with back labor, try one of those.
Not that my body cooperated in the end, either. My baby’s head refused to come down into the birth canal and I had a c-section.
@snowtrekker Back laborer here… I wanted to go drug free the first time too… little did I know of the perpetual agony.. now I’ve just given birth to a sixth baby, fifth pregnancy, and whenever my ob asks me about the birth plan at like 7 mos gestation and if I want an epidural… I tell her, “yesterday pls…”