90% of conversations I provide aren’t focused on myself and I’m kinda of tired of that

[catcox]

@cliffusngmg1 Had that realization recently too.

 

[christina_the_latter]

@cliffusngmg1 I’ve noticed this. Once when my husband had vented about his “idiot coworkers” for a liiiitle too long, I yelled, “LOOK. I CANT EVEN BITCH ABOUT MY COWORKERS WITHOUT BEING A SHIT MOM!”

 

[string_theory]

@christina_the_latter My husband bitches about his clients and I tell him my clients are super demanding too, I gotta be on call 24/7 and everything!

 

[uniquescreenname]

@cliffusngmg1 Oh yea I get that. Can you pick up a small hobby that is of interest to both you and hubby? Like a video game or book or something that you can do in the evenings after kiddo goes to bed? I found that my problem was that I literally had nothing to talk about because I never did anything but take care of the kids and house. I was boring. Shared hobbies with husband can also help (we started reading the Bible together-about 15 mins and then we would discuss it; I recognize this isn’t for everyone but you get the gist). It felt like a massive weight off my chest to be able to talk about something other than the kids or what we needed from the grocery store.

 

[harmonie7]

@cliffusngmg1 Here to say it's the same for me. When I feel lonely, I figure I should call a friend, but the conversation would just be about my kids and then mostly about their work drama and that's it. Any hobby I take up is too much energy and is at the expense of either showering, eating, or sleeping (I have 3 babies under 2) so here I am on Reddit for a second before I go back to being a caregiving drone.

 

[gpk]

@cliffusngmg1 Ugh I hear you on this. I have recently started telling my husband: "Can I vent for a few minutes here and have you actively listen?" He understands that I need to get some things off my chest about my day (and not necessarily about the baby). I then tell him "now it's your turn."

 

[jesusandusin2023]

@cliffusngmg1 Same here.

 

[iamsavedbygracethrufaith]

@cliffusngmg1 I had a successful career. People in other branches of the company knew my name. I was sharp and funny. I was a leader. My days were even exciting sometimes.

Now my universe is so small. Everything is so repetitive that I don’t exercise my brain anymore and I feel like it’s turning to mush. My intelligence, sense of humor and personality are all fading away.

I’m so boring now. I’m not myself anymore.

My husband is thriving in a new job. He recently picked up a new (time consuming) hobby that he’s been wanting to try for years. He still gets alone time sometimes. He is looking forward to “getting out” more after the pandemic... presumably with friends.

What bothers me most is I’ve suddenly started feeling like the background character in someone else’s story. Maybe because mine isn’t worth telling anymore?

 

[bea_lovesjesus]

@iamsavedbygracethrufaith I just recently told my husband i felt like i was playing a supporting role in my own life... Relating to this one hard

 

[iamsavedbygracethrufaith]

@bea_lovesjesus It’s really hard. Was he supportive?

 

[bea_lovesjesus]

@iamsavedbygracethrufaith I'm... not really sure. He said "I don't know why you feel that way". He was like supportive of my emotional state, but i still don't know if he really "gets" my life. But I think i might romanticize his life a bit too. Like his car ride home from work seems like a glamorous vacation to me. 25 minutes to blast music of his choosing. But to him I'm sure that doesn't feel like a break, like it would to me. Idk. If it weren't the endtimes, i would probably be looking for a preschool 2 days a week so that I could work 2 days a week. But then it's like working would be my break, and the entire paycheck would be going to his childcare. I feel like there must be something I'm missing.

 

[iamsavedbygracethrufaith]

@bea_lovesjesus 100%. Once the end times are under control, I want to get a part time job just to have an identity again. I’m hoping to find something evenings so my husband can parent instead of getting a sitter. Just a few days a week would be perfect!

It’s hard that they don’t understand. I tried explaining this to my husband once and he tried to comfort me by reminding me I’m our daughter’s whole world. She’s only (almost) 10 months old and a wonderful baby. She’s sleeping on me right now and it’s the best feeling in the world. But it’s important to still be your own person sometimes and that’s just not possible for me right now.

 

[cliffusngmg1]

@iamsavedbygracethrufaith Are you me? Your story matches mine soo well. *sigh * it’s lonely as fuck sometimes

 

[iamsavedbygracethrufaith]

@cliffusngmg1 It’s SO lonely. On one hand, I miss working because I could be my own person. On the other hand, the thought of not being with my baby all day makes me want to cry. So it’s not like there is any reasonable solution either.

 

[cliffusngmg1]

@iamsavedbygracethrufaith Yes the balance struggle is real. I’m just trying to ride it out until the kids are in school so I can get a part-time job or something.

 

[pchees]

@cliffusngmg1 I relate. There’s also the realization that at the end of the day, I’ve done nothing for myself. It’s depressing.

 

[roarke]

@pchees Fuck I feel this so much.

 

[saachristian757]

@cliffusngmg1 I feel this to my core, also. My boyfriend says I don’t talk to him. I really have nothing to say or contribute. I talk about the kids, but that’s not about us. I feel like a shell of the person I once was.

 

[jiffyette]

@cliffusngmg1 It’s something I’ve noticed too but I also try to remember that talking about my “job” or “work stress” is talking about our kid. It’s what I do all day so it makes sense it’s my main topic of conversation. I feel it more when talking to my mom friends - I have to focus to bond with them over something other than teething or language development.

 

[yeshuafan]

@cliffusngmg1 I feel the same. If you ever need a chatting buddy let me know!