90% of conversations I provide aren’t focused on myself and I’m kinda of tired of that

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cliffusngmg1

New member
I just realized that the majority of conversations I hold are always focused on others.

Like whenever I’m having a casual conversation with my husband it switches between being about him (career, work day stress, hobbies, goals, future plans, etc) and being about the kids (what they did, new things they learned, etc) but rarely do I talk about myself.

It’s not that my husband won’t listen to me talk about myself, it’s just that I don’t really feel I have anything to share. My world revolves around taking care of others. Sure I have hobbies and stuff, but the day-to-day is always about kids for me. The only time I really feel the need to talk about what’s going on with ME, is on days I’m emotionally drained, gloomy, and off balance. And honestly that’s kind of sad to me.

Not really sure what to make of that; just a realization I had.
 
@cliffusngmg1 SAHD here. My life hasn't been my own for a long time. I don't have friends or hobbies. I don't do anything but take care of everyone. I'm the first one awake, last one asleep. Occasionally my wife will watch the kids while I go run an errand. She calls it my "me time" but it's not FOR me. It's getting groceries or the pharmacy or whatever, but I have to savor it because it's the only break I get. Is this all life is? Living and dying in the service of kids? I don't even know who I am anymore.
 
@annalafrenchy7 Pro tip (lol):

When you gotta run errands, MAKE it your me time.

I usually spend 15 minutes in a fast food parking lot, enjoying a shake, and enjoying the quiet for 15 minutes.

It's not much, but it will keep you sane until the kids are older.
 
@katrina2017 If I have to pick up groceries I'll do it last. I'll go to Starbucks get a coffee and drink it in my car while browsing reddit bc you cant drink in public anymore (mask). Then I'll hit target or something and look around for a few minutes then go pee alone.... I never take the baby out into stores so I feel like it's the only time I can escape isolation. Then I will go to Walmart and pick up the stuff I ordered and then head home.

On weekends I take the kids to my mom's house for a few hours. I'll make a whole event of it. We stop and get donuts and coffee, then we go to my mom's and hangout. Sometimes we go out to a kids store and I'll do some clothes shopping for the kids every few months.

As a SAHP you have to reclaim that time. Your schedule is what you make it. I'm partially vaccinated now so I'm starting to really venture out of isolation and trying not to be too anxious about it.
 
@imafighter That's why I take the scenic route on my bike through the forest when I bring my child to daycare. Not a SAHP but feeling the same. Between the callcenter job (thankfully from home) and taking care of kid and household there's no time or energy for myself. Now that winter is finally over (Canada) those 10 minutes on the bike to/from daycare are just wonderful. I sing and whistle all along and it's just very energizing. Gotta make the best of it!
 
@annalafrenchy7 I could have written this. This is me with my 2 year old. I imagined being a SAHM being a lot different and more fulfilling. The pandemic doesn’t help. I am expecting baby #2 in six weeks and I am not sure how I will continue to do it for another two years. Something’s gotta change.
 
@aspieforgod It gets better, especially after being vaccinated. I got my first shot and I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Your oldest will be old enough to go to VPK for a couple of hours soon, and by then most people should be vaccinated and your youngest will get antibodies if you get vaccinated while pregnant/breastfeed for a little bit.

My eldest is going back to school in August and I'm excited.
 
@annalafrenchy7 I'm a SAHD too. Playdates can help a lot with this. The kids play together and you can chat with the other parent or read or surf the internet. I've made some friends this way too. Finding other families to hang with is crucial to your sanity. The parents can talk or socialize and the kids are usually so distracted playing together you can relax.
 
@cliffusngmg1 My husband forced this realization on me recently. He was joking about our conversations and how mine are about the kids or just me showing him some funny meme I saw recently. Then I just wanted to scream because I have literally no time to myself to do any hobbies or anything to even talk about. I literally have no personality at all anymore it feels like.
 
@rosierev Mine did that a year after my son was born. I was mad, but i eventually realized he was right and so he started watching lo more to give me time to do hobbies and read and I decided to start grad school to get out of the slump.
 
@cliffusngmg1 I'm really really feeling this lately.

My sisters are working moms, and they're awesome - but whenever we get together I have pretty much zero to contribute to any conversation unless it's about kids.

I used to be funny. I was clever and quick witted, and always up for shenanigans. Now I feel so slow and boring.
 
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