5 year old step son keeps kicking 32w wife in stomach

@slingingshot15 Is therapy a financially viable option for you guys? Is there another family member he may be more responsive to (an uncle, maybe?)

In the short term, quick and decisive punishment that he will learn is worse than whatever upset him in the first place (without resorting to violence) like time outs, loss of privileges, etc. You’re gonna have a fight on your hands, but you’ll need to be firm. I’m sorry you have to deal with it. It sounds awful.
 
@slingingshot15 There’s a lot of good suggestions here, but from one step to another, you need to talk to your wife first. Of course there’s a good chance this has to do with jealousy or feeling uncertain about his place in the family, but it can’t just be you as the step addressing it. That puts you in a awkward place if then she or bio dad don’t like how you’re addressing it. But I do think it should be addressed. He might benefit from therapy, talking with another trusted adult (like a grandparent or aunt/uncle), and definitely creating and maintaining hard boundaries. For example, if he starts kicking she can say, “I am not going to let you hurt me. You can be angry, but you cannot hurt people because you are angry” and then either remove him or yourself. After he calms down, discuss with him the boundary that was crossed and what the consequences is (ex. no TV time that day) then hold that boundary, even if he gets angry again. If he physically lashes out again, repeat the cycle and extend the consequences (now no TV for two days). Kiddo might really push it. If it seems like he’s just in an out of control cycle, he needs a long break and honestly some time alone in his room or a quiet corner to break that might be necessary. We purposely don’t keep a ton of toys in my stepson’s room for that purpose, also to discourage him from playing with toys when he should be in bed.

It’s hard, especially when it’s a stepchild. My SS is 5 is having a really hard time adjusting to my one year old. He never lashed out when I was pregnant, but definitely lashes out at the baby now. Sometimes I get a very protective primal urge to protect my baby from him and I have to really use my grown up coping skills (lol) to remember that he’s a kid and his brain isn’t fully formed.

Lastly, keep talking to him and practicing what to do when he’s upset. If he’s like my stepson, it will literally take years for him to start using those skills. But it’s worth it to instill them now.

Good luck with your growing family, and congrats!
 
@chudnofsqy Well, think about it from his POV. He either never had a family or had his blown up without any say in the matter. Now, someone new is there getting the focus when it should be on him.
 
@albin At least in my case, my SS has always had a family. I’ve known him and been with his dad since he was 3 months. He calls me mom. I definitely understand the struggle to transition to a new sibling when you’re an only child for years, but he’s always had a family. Although BM has had a couple different partners throughout the years, she and her family have always been a stable and loving part of his life, as has my family. He’s actually quite lucky, compared to my bio, he has so much family who loves and supports him, it’s quite nice.
 
@schurzcop Punishment as a concept is not abuse. Hitting someone is abuse. Calling it punishment to avoid blatantly saying that you’re hitting your child doesn’t change what it is, abuse.
 
@carolee What’s even more strange is my comment got deleted when it’s even written in the Bible that if you spare the rod you spoil a child and even a fact that undisciplined children turn into wild adults🧐I guess this is America in 2023
 
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