0 to 1 child, or 1-2 children? Which was a harder transition for you?

[thanhcongk83]

@gemdandy This is such a helpful comment. Idk why I’ve never thought about how the first child would still be dealing with developmental milestones and that’ll still be new to us parents. I mean, duh. Somethings just need to be said to click I guess!

 

[katrina2017]

@gemdandy 100% identity crisis. My first and so far only baby just turned 1 and a lot of times I'm just done being the mom. It's constant. I love it and hate it. It's so hard. But there is no going back so might as well give her a sibling so I'm not her only friend and playmate growing up too lol

 

[zulugladys]

@andy1993 Ever heard of the phrase if my second child had been my first I wouldn’t have had a second? That.

 

[catholicseeker]

@zulugladys What is it about second kids? They’re so much more intense.

 

[zulugladys]

@catholicseeker The first time around I was a single mom for the toddler phase. This time around my hubby is a SAHD and my now 8 year old helps out and it’s still somehow harder.

 

[catholicseeker]

@zulugladys That was exactly our situation for a while. My husband stayed home, our oldest was 7, but dear god, our second kid NEVER SLEPT. He was up every hour for 6 weeks during that dreaded 4 month sleep regression. I’d tap out at midnight and hand the reigns over to my husband to handle it because I needed sleep for work.

 

[zulugladys]

@catholicseeker My daughter has a regular sleep schedule. She sleeps from 6-8am and 6-8pm

 

[catholicseeker]

@zulugladys He sleeps now! He actually just woke up and it’s 10am here. Took almost 4 years to get to that place though.

 

[loveis]

@andy1993 I have not had 2 yet so I can not give advice on what's easier but I was also blessed with an easy baby and faced the same decision. My advice would be don't have another baby just to give your child a sibling, have one if you want another baby right now. Look at your family and ask yourself, do I feel someone is missing or am I content? Would I be happy to have a baby in my arms right now and my existing child? Or would I feel overwhelmed? There is no guarantee siblings will get along or entertain each other, you have no idea if your child would be better off or worse off with a sibling so don't let guilt play into your decision at all, we can't predict the future.

 

[andy1993]

@loveis Omg thank you so much for that! I feel like I need to save that in my notes.

 

[truthglasses]

@andy1993 1-2 was way harder for me. We tried and tried and planned and panned for number one.

While 0-1 was tough because it was new, it wasn’t because 1. She was an angel baby and 2. We knew the deal going into it. Number two was more of a ‘if it happens it happens’ and despite all the trying for number one, number two happened right away - 2.5yr age gap. I was almost 31 when we had number one and 34 by the time I had number two.

I’m convinced it was harder because I struggled mentally with not being to be everything for number one anymore - she was it and all until our son showed up. Babies need all the attention, and I feel like I missed a lot of number one’s younger years because I was all consumed with infancy of number two. I was also older, and number two was also NOT an angel baby lol he’s sweet, but he ate non stop and never slept.

Number one is now 4 and number two almost 2 - I feel like I’m finally getting into my groove but it took me a lot longer this round.

 

[katrina2017]

@truthglasses I had my first at 31 and I will probably be around 34 or 34 when we have no 2. Being a mom is so hard.

 

[truthglasses]

@katrina2017 Hardest thing I’ve ever done by far.

 

[dwhite081705]

@andy1993 0-1 was so hard. So hard.

1-2 was waaayyy easier.

I’d say the difference for me is the first one was more mental work/distress/worry, and my life was incredibly disrupted. I felt like half the days I was trapped inside trying to get her to nap. I had to cope with feeling like a different person, all the anxiety about becoming a mother and being responsible for another life.

1-2 was way less worry and in some ways it felt like about the same amount of work taking care of 2 as it did 1. But as my second gets older I’m finding it’s also more work in practical ways, you’ve got meals for 2, bathtime, laundry, bedtime, etc. not to mention splitting your attention and making sure everyone is getting what they need. I’m finding it harder to make time for myself sometimes. But I find it easier to leave for time alone or work (less separation anxiety for me!)

My first was 3 when the baby was born, which I think was nice because her ability and desire to play independently helped balance the attention thing.

So, I don’t know if any transition is easier, but they are in different ways. And getting through the whole identity and lifestyle shift of becoming a parent for the first time was really the biggest reason I found the second easier.

I do want another, and I expect 2-3 wouldn’t be awful, but again, I think I’ll be even more swamped and pulled in different directions!

But giving your child a sibling is an amazing feeling. My heart felt like it would shatter when I thought of my oldest losing her “only” status and our bond changing, but I think it was worth it for what she’s gaining. When their parents are gone they will still have family. That’s huge for me.

 

[katrina2017]

@dwhite081705 “When their parents are gone, they will still have family.” Thanks for saying this. My due date with #2 is five weeks away, and I’m struggling hard right now with all the feelings. I feel a lot of sadness about this season with my only ending, and sometimes worry it will impact his life negatively. But this perspective is so helpful.

 

[dwhite081705]

@katrina2017 I felt the same way as you. Now they’re giggling chasing each other around and it’s beyond adorable. I cannot imagine I was ever worried about it (but I totally get it).

Until someone gets pushed over. Sigh.

 

[kadydz]

@andy1993 We just went from 1-3, and 0-1 was way harder for us. Our first is extremely high needs and was a difficult baby. I think it honestly depends on what kind of baby you get.

 

[andy1993]

@kadydz Twins?? Our girl is pretty easy, but she’ll sometimes nurse to sleep like nobody’s business haha. I’m yet to meet somebody that had two easy babies after the first lol!

 

[thanhcongk83]

@andy1993 My husband recently was talking to a coworker and asked, “you just had a baby, right?” The coworker said, “yeah, 3.” “Oh, it’s your 3rd child?” “No, I just had 3 babies.” He had triplets. Went from 2-5. May lord have mercy on their souls.

 

[andy1993]

@thanhcongk83 Wow wow! How’s that going??