I keep going back and forth in my head about having a second baby.
I feel like we’ve been so spoiled by our first. She’s been such an easy* baby. (Touch wood lol). When I gave birth I was so sure about being One and done I love how much attention I can give her. It gets exhausting sometimes but everyday I look forward to the next morning when we’re both better rested. But also, I don’t wanna take away from her possibly wanting a sibling.
She’s almost 7 months now and in my bumper group, a few moms mentioned that transitioning from 0 to 1 child was harder than 1 to 2 kids.
@andy1993 For me, yes. 0-1 was completely turning my life around, 1-2 was difficult in another way (sharing attention between two little ones, but more confident in momming). 2-3 is so far the easiest, but I'm only 10 days in on that club so don't quote me on that.
That being said, my first wasn't the easiest baby and my second one was more chill so it also probably depends on the baby.
If you don't want to take attention away from your eldest, maybe a larger age gap is the way to go? Mine are close together and they definitely need to share and wait for attention.
@followerofchrist1120 Thanks for sharing! What do you think makes 2-3 easier (so far)? Also, congratulations ! Larger age gap sounds good too, may be the baby fever will be inevitable when she gets older. I either have to be younger, or really get fit because my back isn’t what it used to be haha
@andy1993 We have 3, and 0-1 was rough. We had no idea what we were doing. 1-2 was tough but like others have said different. When it was 2 they play together and have really sweet loving moments together (2 year age gap). With 2-3 it has been nice because the older two help me with the baby and adore their brother. It all depends. 0-1 I had all the help from the in laws and my parents and I thought it was so hard. 1-2 I barely had any help but was much more confident. 2-3 we have no help but we know our rhythm so much better and lowering our expectations.
@andy1993 Like another person said, we already have a rhythm and changing an extra diaper doesn't impact our schedule that much. The eldest two are used to sharing attention and I can by now eat with one hand while holding a baby with the other. The third is a relatively easy baby so far (knock on wood) and we have more help then last time (second was born march 2020 which was straight into a very strict lockdown where we live). My husband says: 'it was already chaos so adding another one doesn't cause significantly more chaos', lol.
My husband and I also have majorly improved our communication since the first one so we can act as a team much more then a couple of years ago.
@andy1993 0-1, that was BIG for me, so fucking hard, i was expecting it to be hard, but not that hard... We had a rough pregnancy, and it continued for the first year with my baby. Baby no 2? Easy, i couldn't even compare lol, everything went smooth, he fit right in. No troubles at all.
And, yes everyone is different so above might not apply to you.
Edit: i have 2 1/2 years between my kids. I would NOT have survived with any less ahaha
@christvision28 Yeah we wanted a similar age gap, maybe a bit younger like 2 year. I'm giving birth in a few weeks with a 17 months age gap It was not intended but we gonna roll with it and hope for the best. Our first is very chill and easy, I have a one year long maternity and my bf is a SAHP, so I don't think it will be too bad, especially because we also live with my MIL (still works but only 4 days a week).
Generally, from 0 to 1 is harder because it's such a lifestyle change in general.
However, babies come with their own personalities and if you end up with a high needs 2nd baby that follows an easy 1st baby, it could go the other way.
By preschool age it's generally easier caring for 2 kids than 1 because they start interacting more and playing with each other and keeping each other busy.
@marcelmind Their playing together is such a good point because I remember my first kid being so needy as a toddler wanting me to play but now it’s so easy they have a buddy.
@andy1993 My friend just had her second and she says 1-2 was harder. I thought the 0-1 transition was tough because I've literally never had this amount of responsibility before and I had to learn how to do everything (never really babysat or cared for an infant!). but I'd love more kids soon. I'm curious what others' thoughts are here.
@mikeyd0110 Thanks for sharing! Yes! I miss getting up and going like no care in the world, just my phone and a wallet haha now I have to put a thousand things together to make sure we’ll be ok out
@andy1993 I would say that 1 - 2 is challenging because the baby needs all your time, but it's more of a short-term thing as they slowly get more independent (disclaimer my 2nd is only 9 months old, but I would expect that same trend generally continues).
0 - 1 is a complete paradigm shift / identity crisis. Challenging in a long term way, because your oldest will always be the first time you're parenting through each new developmental stage.
Since your main concern is about your time and attention being shared, it's important to know that will be an ongoing balance to maintain, and it will be hard. But don't discount the fact that they will also be giving eahmch other attention sometimes, once you get through the newborn phase. Your older child can "help" with lots of things to do with the baby, and feel involved and spend time with you.
@gemdandy Yes ! I’d say giving each other attention is one thing that really encourages that part of me to try for another. I get so indecisive and continuously seek data to help me choose ha. Everyone’s been so insightful here.
I love how much attention I can give her. It gets exhausting sometimes but everyday I look forward to the next morning when we’re both better rested. But also, I don’t wanna take away from her possibly wanting a sibling. 
It was not intended but we gonna roll with it and hope for the best. Our first is very chill and easy, I have a one year long maternity and my bf is a SAHP, so I don't think it will be too bad, especially because we also live with my MIL (still works but only 4 days a week).