“Why didn’t you remind me?” -My Husband

[marker855]

@robrandazzo Waving at you from my dark bedroom where I am currently hiding

 

[austin998877]

@infomommax My boss and other (child-free) co-workers are also immune to notification of appointments.

Recently had a root canal for myself, and put each of the appointments on the calendar, reminded multiple times during meetings that I wouldn’t be available to troubleshoot stuff during the appts when I saw potential conflicts, stayed up till 3am night before mitigating potential conflicts and reminding that I would not be available the next morning.

Still got “urgent” Teams messages during appt.

 

[infomommax]

@austin998877 lol! I share an office with another mom, once I had told her the day before I left “remember I’ll be late tomorrow!” And she still texted making sure I was ok at 830!

But, it was just to make sure I was alive!

 

[austin998877]

@infomommax Omg at 8:30am?! If only brutally honest out-of-office responses were the norm..

“I’m in extreme physical pain right now and/or unconscious and will not be responding to emails. Here is a graphic YouTube video and explanation of the surgery I’m currently in the middle of (NSFW!).

Please don’t ask if I’m okay, I’m not. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. I will respond to your message when I am back at my scheduled return to work.

Thanks in advance!”

 

[heislove1980]

@infomommax This used to me and then I did what you did and guess what after the first time him forgetting something important, it never happened again. You have to let them learn. Either he is going to get it or not, but save your brain width for other things. My to go comment now is, sorry I have don't have enough space to open that tab. I have explained to my Husband before that my brain is like a computer with tabs open. If I have too many open I slow down and can't operate right. My husband hates opening the computer and seeing so many tabs open so this analogy works for him.

Sorry I don't space in my brain to remember to remind you again..... This is an acceptable answer for him next time.

 

[infomommax]

@heislove1980 I’m hoping if he just actually remembers these things, I can actually forget them and not have anxiety lol.

I’m honestly shocked he didn’t remember, because typically if he doesn’t have to work he looks forward to it! Now he still has to work a half day, when he could have slept in!

 

[gigikaren]

@infomommax Why didn’t he request the time off for the appointment as soon as it was booked? Why didn’t he request off as soon as he knew he’d be taking the entire day off? He is an adult and needs to take responsibility for his schedule, period.

 

[infomommax]

@gigikaren Thats what I asked!

 

[classic123]

@infomommax You gave him plenty of reminders and even a warning that it was the last reminder. I don’t think you need to feel bad about not reminding more after that. You’re right, he’s only going to learn if you ease off the reminders. Natural consequences are a great teacher.

 

[johnny1973]

@infomommax I have a google calendar I share with my husband. Anything and everything goes on there. I only made it because he asked and promised it would help him be more organized. The compromise was I’d manage the calendar but then I wouldn’t be reminding him of upcoming appointments, outings, etc. After a few missed outings on his end he now checks the calendar daily.

 

[infomommax]

@johnny1973 Yep, I shared the calendar with the idea I’ll give him one heads up and after that it’s on him.

I still haven’t been good about only one heads up, but this was a start!

 

[annamarie6991]

@infomommax Sorry but this was my ex husband. Eventually he's going to call you out for not planning time with his kid. My ex is high 150% of the time he is at home. And I had planned every Drs visit, day off and even bedtimes for him. And the second I stopped it was my fault. Like he wasn't a parent to.

Tell him to get his shit together. Or you're probably going to be filing divorce in q
10 years cause you're tired of having an adult child and not a partner

 

[infomommax]

@annamarie6991 Definitely part of the reason I’m ready to let go of doing everything. It was fine before kids, but I’m realizing I can’t do everything even if I wanted to.

I’m definitely grateful he realized it was his mistake and figured it out!

 

[annamarie6991]

@infomommax I hope he actually sees his childish ways. There are good guys out there. Dense but good in the end. I hope you have one OP. Maybe he just needed a wake up call.

 

[infomommax]

@annamarie6991 I have definitely forgot my fair share of things, and I think it’s why my anxiety about appointments/events started.

I realized the only way I actually learned was through embarrassment/disappointed in myself or disappointing others.

He is a good man, but needs to learn how to plan for things in the future.

 

[giamfreeg]

@infomommax Does his boss need to remind him to show up to locations / meetings / schedule things ? You can use this to show him that he needs to rely on himself

 

[natsumilam32]

@infomommax Is your husband able to make deadlines at work without reminders? It’s no different here and you shouldn’t feel bad OP.

 

[infomommax]

@natsumilam32 Well, he’s in a trade and it’s sort of what gets done, gets done it seems like lol.

But I can assure you he would never forget to like up his fantasy teams and what time every game is, so what time we will need to leave to be at home on time to see it. So he’s capable.

 

[allie50]

@infomommax Does he needs reminders from his boss or coworkers to get his stuff done? no he doesn't because he knows he's responsible for those things so he doens't even try to pull that. So stop enabling him; he'll learn soon enough.

 

[infomommax]

@allie50 Yep!! He really needs to learn.