“Why didn’t you remind me?” -My Husband

@infomommax Not your fault. You explicitly told him you would not remind him again. He is a big boy, he speaks English, he chose to disregard you and it’s disrespectful. He needs to learn the hard way apparently. I’ve had to do this at times as well, and it does work! Natural consequences baby.
 
@infomommax My husband is the same and I want to shake him sometimes. The appointments are made months in advance. He has access to the online portal. I typically download it as a calendar invite and send to him, plus I write in on the monthly calendar on the fridge. And yet the day before he goes"oh crap I have a meeting during that time"... Like why wasn't it already blocked as an OOO including the travel time?!?!?
 
@infomommax I’ve had to get borderline bitchy with my husband about the fact that I will NOT be his alarm clock in the mornings. He isn’t a morning person, and I hated waking him up bc he would get all shitty with me. Like he would be all “GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES” and act like a sulky teenager.. 😑 I finally was like no, I’m done, never again.
 
@infomommax The amount of reminding you did for this one appointment sounds absolutely exhausting to me - three separate times, in addition to making the appointment yourself?! The idea that he responded to that by blaming you for not reminding him again, even if he then retracted it, tells me there a serious mental load imbalance and this should be a wakeup call to both of you about it.
 
@infomommax I put all appointments that affect work schedules on our work calendars. And on our shared Google calendars. It’s the only way to make sure we don’t double book meetings, since my husband isn’t allowed to take his personal phone into work and my memory capacity since having a kid has never recovered. It’s also cumbersome to access our work calendars from home, so we have two.
 
@dinkold My husband is in a trade, so no work calendar that he uses. But, it makes things easier because he really can ask for any day off with 48 hours notice.
 
@infomommax I think you mentioned that he has access to the shared calendar but only you get the notifications? One way around that is to invite his personal email to the event. Then he will get an email notification to Accept and then he’ll get the notifications too. Basically you need to find something that works. We have a hard time remembering to bring coupons with us to the grocery store so I’ve started taping them to the door the night before.
 
@dinkold I definitely get what you’re saying, but I can already see me having to say “did you check your email?”. At this point, if there’s something I can do to help besides be his personal reminder-er, he needs to tell me. I’ve tried a lot of different things.

I know this sounds selfish and not very partner-y, but I’m tired and we’ll be having our second kid this year so I need to be able to depend on him to remember things.
 
@infomommax He’s a grown adult, how does he think the rest of us remember things?! Grow up dude, you don’t need your mommy to remind you of your plans multiple times, write it down, set a reminder on your phone, take responsibility.
 
@mkstevens83 He definitely knows I’m serious about not continuing to remind him now! I am not an organized person and I made the effort to learn how to not forget things, sure I’ve made mistakes since but if you put in a true effort, it’s possible.
 
@infomommax We have a shared calendar that everything goes into and we have a shared to do list where we assign tasks and do dates. Treat this like work. If his boss doesn’t have to hound him neither do you.
 
@infomommax I’ve had the reminder conversation with my husband before. I told him he remembers things for work and told him to use the same systems (calendar, phone reminders, whayever) to remember personal stuff. I honestly thought he’d be offended that I was suggesting something so obvious but a lightbulb clicked. I’m glad it did but damn, I can’t imagine getting to 40 years old and not having to ever consider setting up personal reminders!
 
@infomommax We have a physical calander that is on the fridge. We write down appointments or anything that is out of our normal routine on it and on the phone calenders.

My husband and I are fairly scattered brained so the more reminders the better! (I also text him the changes so he can go back and check if needed).
 
@dan_r My husband has the calendar on his phone show on the front page, he even said he knew the appointment was tomorrow but it apparently still didn’t click. The calendar even said “husband to take” lol.

We have a large kitchen calendar… that’s hasn’t been filled out since May lol. Neither of us like to update it obviously.

It took me a long time to come up what worked for me, I was honestly coddled growing up and even in college, my dad saved my ass many a time. So I realized if my husband wants to be able to remember things, he’ll put in the time/effort too.
 
@dan_r My husband and I do a lot of talking over text which means I always have the receipts if he tries to claim I never told him something. It’s very satisfying to go back and screenshot when I told him and send it to him. For the record, he does the same to me. We’re both okay with this form of pettiness
 
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