“It’s like you don’t want to cook anymore” MAYBE I DON’T!

[de_maria]

I just have to get this off my chest and maybe we can collectively (and ironically) laugh at what my husband said to me earlier.

Background: I’ve been so burnt out the past few days. I can’t really put my finger on specifically why now more than usual. I don’t get breaks, I don’t get help, my husband typically works 9+ hour workdays - it’s rough but I get through it. I’m the default parent and my mental health has its ups and downs.

Tonight would’ve marked the third night I didn’t cook dinner. I cook dinner almost always 7/7 nights a week- unless we just have lots of left overs. We are not a family that eats out. I usually have dinners lined up 2-3 nights ahead of time broken up by things I can easily put together and left over nights.

Anyway, I was getting my girls out of the tub when my husband calls and asks if I’ve seen his texts. To which, I say no, and he goes on to ask if I need anything before he heads home. I’ve got both girls yelling at me while he’s also trying to talk to me about other things and I’m just overwhelmed and distracted and I say it doesn’t matter to me. He’s asking about food and I say I didn’t have anything planned. And he says “it’s like you don’t want to cook anymore” and I just haven’t to take a moment …

Two nights ago we had a lot of left overs to work through- which we did most of them. And yesterday I was still feeling run down so I just made extra food at my daughters lunch time to carry over for dinner- so other than today- it wasn’t like we went hungry or I didn’t have a plan.

So I finally say, “you know, it’s just very mentally exhausting to figure out day in and day out what to make for dinner, everyday, especially when I never know when you’re coming home or if you’re going to eat it.” And he goes “but I bring you stuff!” (Meaning ingredients we may be missing etc)

I just have to laugh. After we hung up and I finished bath time with my girls. I had to stress clean a bit because he just doesn’t get it. I’m thinking about dinner almost as soon as I wake up, and not just tonight’s dinner, tomorrow, the next day, etc. I’m thinking about dinner days in advance and figuring out how to use every bit of food we have so it doesn’t go to waste. Not to mention if I need to make something extra for my children so that my husband has variety and isn’t just eating Mac n cheese or rice and beans all the damn time. Me? I don’t care- I will eat what my kids eat- I don’t even care if it’s the 5th time in a row, I’m just surviving. I ask him what he wants every so often because my brain just can’t even think of food sometimes-

That’s not even the point that set me off. “It’s like you don’t want to cook anymore” after 3 nights? After I make breakfast he doesn’t eat everyday and lunch that he isn’t home for? He’s right, I’ve lost a lot of pizazz for cooking because I am exhausted. And I have children running around screaming for me so I just need it done. I don’t really want to cook anymore but it’s not about me.

Whew. I’m sorry moms, this is longer than I intended but man, the audacity.

 

[wandadelipski]

@de_maria Burnout comes in different forms and will hit hard if you don't take time for yourself and put your needs first on a regular basis. There is no way I could take care of any number of kids AND homecook meals every single day. You need days off also weekly!! 2-3 days (or more) a week for takeout or pizza or a frozen meal you put in the oven. Whatever it takes. Explore and try new takeout places to make it something you look forward to also. Mainly, take time for yourself first!!

 

[bipolar]

@wandadelipski Our cheap cheat is to buy bulk restaurant style food at Costco. Need some soul-restoring fun food fast? We head to the deep freezer for Chinese dumplings, pyierogi, precooked chicken nuggets, Jamaican beef patties, or enchiladas. It's less of a splurge than restaurant trip because we can extend it with home-made salad, pasta, rice, whatever.

 

[malak]

@bipolar Costco has orange chicken in the freezer section that is phenomenal and you can buy shredded rotisserie chicken in the meat dept.

 

[bipolar]

@malak We've done that too. Except we get the whole rotisserie chickens because those bones make great soup.

 

[trulycatholics]

@wandadelipski I second this! I find easy cheats from restaurants- chic fil a sells 30 count nuggets and they have a really good points rewards in their app - when i cant think of anything, I'll go get a 30 ct nugget and hubby and I throw it on a homeade salad, boil eggs and make an easy cobb salad.
The family meal from Texas Roadhouse stretches crazy far, too! Get the beef tips with whatever sides, and you can have beef tips over white rice (rice cooker is a lifesaver) and literally throw the leftovers in a crock pot and make stew the next day. My kids love the rolls, too.

Lastly, you're doing a great job. It is HARD to be the one to plan everything all the time, and it's so hard when that mental load isn't recognized for how exhausted it really is

 

[broncofan]

@wandadelipski Aldi's has some GREAT ready meal options in the refrigerated section. Hawaiian BBQ, Thai chicken, pulled pork....all just need heated in the microwave. Add some steamed rice and a bag of frozen veggies and you have a fabulous meal with zero effort

 

[guinhamoura13]

@de_maria The mental toll of being the person who likely has to grocery shop, meal plan AND cook is a lot on its own. Now add kids on top of that and it’s rough AF. Is your husband able to help meal prep on the weekends, or even at night when he gets home from work to give you a break? I agree with the other poster in saying that it’s okay to do takeout once or twice a week (or more, whatever floats your boat!) if you’re able to swing it financially. I would also try to make those nights ones where your husband has to figure out what to bring in too, just to push some more of that decision making off to him.

 

[one55]

@guinhamoura13 My husband is the cook and grocery shopper in our house. But I do the meal planning 4/5 days of the week and pull the recipes for him. Not sure if assigning that job to your husband would help.

 

[juneie]

@one55 My hubby is in charge of grocery shopping and cooking. I help, if he wants help, but it’s his “chore.” He likes cooking and I don’t, so it works for us. (I do everything else, like laundry, bathrooms, paying bills, vacuuming). We both work full time.

He still asks me all the time what we should have for dinner, which drives me crazy, because he still tries to put that on my mental load.

Ours isn’t a perfect system, but it works pretty well.

 

[ren207]

@de_maria You know.. it’s totally ok to grab a stack of frozen pizza and just not cook this week. I get it!

I like to pick one day every month or so and make a ton of freezer meals. Even still… some nights we just have popcorn. It’s ok.

 

[cink]

@ren207 100% this! We regularly have frozen pizza, frozen lasagna, two ingredient pastas, ect on our weekly dinner menu because I know I get burned out and that the hours between 3-7pm are a chaotic rush. Sometimes, you just need it to get done like you say OP. And that’s fine! If your SO wants something more every night of the week then he needs to provide some of it, or at the very least make your load easier in some other way so it becomes fun for you again.

 

[ren207]

@cink Yep! Or crockpot/instant pot meals (use a timer feature if needed).

Today I’m spending the whole day with a friend, we will make about a months worth of dinners and breakfasts. Done. Life changing.

 

[cink]

@ren207 I want to get in to the meal prep like this! Any good breakfast suggestions? I’m 35 weeks pregnant and we struggle most with variety for breakfasts

 

[mommybear39]

@cink I like oatmeal with chocolate chips. Easy prep. Literally .3 cup of oatmeal handful of chocolate chips. No need to refrigerate or freeze. I keep mine in small Mason jars prepped to go. Just add milk/soy milk and you're ready go after one minute in the microwave.

Other people also like to add variety of dried fruit or nuts and cinnamon etc. I prefer the chocolate chips.

 

[ren207]

@cink Breakfast burritos and egg McMuffins freeze really well. As do all muffins. Breakfast “cookies” also freeze and thaw well

 

[bipolar]

@ren207 Frozen breakfasts, do tell. We tried freezing waffles but they got freezer burned too fast.

 

[ren207]

@bipolar Waffles and pancakes, but you have to let them completely cool before you package them, and I usually freeze them on baking sheets and once they are solid stack them in bags. Squeeze out all the air. Best used within a month or so, best reheated in the toaster/air fryer

All muffins freeze well.

Breakfast burritos and egg McMuffins freeze really well.

Breakfast bowls (sausage, scrambled eggs, homefries or hash) freeze right in the repeatable bowl.

 

[bipolar]

@ren207 Frozen breakfast burritos & egg sandwiches sound like family favorites in the making. I just discovered Costco sells bags of cooked bacon pieces that taste really good so no frying either.

We've been making "omelet muffins" in silicone cups but hadn't thought to freeze them!

 

[bible2]

@ren207 I really wish I had a good friend to do this with! That is so cool.