X wants to move to KY with my youngest 50/50 custody

[pastorofworship]

@srur If she’s prone to conflict I might take out anything that may provoke her.

“I disagree with the proposed move to KY with (child). It is not in her best interest and you do not have my permission to make such a move.”

Be prepared in case she files a request to move. And be even more prepared if she moves without filing. Gather as much evidence together that you can supporting the things you’ve posted showing that you provide a safe and stable environment for your daughter. Don’t focus so much on comparing you to your ex, just show how you shine. Good luck!

 

[rlneub]

@srur You may want to check out BIFF as a response format - Brief, Informative, Friendly, but Firm.

Even if you ex isn't particularly high conflict, it's still a good way to generally structure and think about your messages, esp. if you're anticipating any potential legal issues.

My husband used this method as a guide for communication with his ex and it helped him reduce a lot the anxiety of "Is this too combative? Too weak? Too firm?" when he was drafting messages. He would write his initial thoughts and then "BIFF" it if he was worried about conflict.

Maybe this can help you, too.

 

[jhndadzie]

@srur Do not acquiesce at all! You should say no, hard stop. Don't agree to summers, don't agree to anything. If she tries to move with your daughter, you should file for full custody, emergency if necessary. This is not the time to be wishy-washy on it. If you allow it this time, what is stopping her from doing this again in a few years? What if her brother moves to a different state? Will she follow him?

Do not for an instant doubt your role in your daughter's life. You are her advocate and protector and by keeping her in one place, in school, enrolled, and etc, you are being a good parent. You leaving to follow mom and uprooting the, what seems to me, consistent financial flow into your family unit, is a bad idea all around.

Uprooting her whole life again is not the answer. I think it is a very bad idea. Yes, I would follow my children anywhere. But I'm not saying no because of me. I'm saying no for her. It's irresponsible and destabilizing to move her again. And again, I can't stop you from moving and summers there would be fine. That would be more stable for her and less shock.

Here's an example of what you might say:

Uprooting her whole life again is not the answer. I think it is a very bad idea. It's irresponsible and destabilizing to move her again. I can't stop you from moving and summers there would be fine. That would be more stable for her and less shock.

 

[wiiterpgiti1971]

@srur This isn't a situation that a judge would endorse so I wouldn't feel bad about saying no. It makes no sense. If she wants to move, she can have the child for the summer, or part of it.

 

[evenstar001]

@srur Absolutely not to her taking your shared child. She can move alone if she wants.

Also, please take into consideration that you need to also have free time with your shared child in the summer and other breaks. 6-8 weeks is standard for all she should get in the summer and only half of the other breaks. You should be able to do fun things with your kids when they're not in school as well.