@parodyofjay Find your local legal aid or google "volunteer lawyer program (city/state name)." Explain your circumstances, particularly that you lived there since 2015, paid the bills, etc., to establish your rights to the property as a tenant. Also to get the $$ he drained from your checking (depending on the amount, you can probably file in small claims court to recover this).
If he does file for custody, judgments against him for unlawfully evicting you and theft of your money would be extremely damaging to his claim for custody.
In the meantime, look for shelters or organizations helping DV survivors/victims or single mothers, as others said.
@parodyofjay I honestly had an ex who did this exact same thing but the only difference was he wasn’t the father of my child but he did try and have my daughter go live at her dads because he was jealous and the abuse was so bad I wasn’t even recognizable anymore.
I went to DV shelter and started a paper trail and went into intensive therapy for a over a year and this was back in 2022 and I’m just now able to like function and go back to work and have everything I had before and more, but it was really hard and painful so my heart goes out to you!
As much as you feel in pain just all you have to do is make one step in the opposite direction and don’t stop and cry a lot and eat lots of cupcakes whenever you can. It does get easier and meeting other woman who are in the same situation makes you at ease a bit, gives you a better support system - choosing your children’s safety and your own is always the right choice. I know I cheated death multiple times and I’m blessed to be here and everyone else I have ever met from these situations, will all say the same thing.
The journey you’re on won’t be pretty at the start but the ending will be beautiful. Don’t give up
@parodyofjay This is literally the reason DV shelters exist. Go there. They will have advice on what to do, resources for you and your kids, help you get housing, and you will need no money. They even will give you gifts for your kids if they have a birthday while you are there. They will have literally everything you need, and will help guide you through appropriate steps.
It's not fair to put your family members in danger either. Just go to a shelter.
@parodyofjay My ex was punching holes in walls and threatening to hit me, and when the cops were called, I was told that he was "just blowing off steam" and "it's not like he actually hit you" and told me that I was free to leave, but I couldn't take my 18 month old with me. As if I should have been fine leaving her alone with him. It's unfortunate that so many cops are fucking useless and hate women standing up for themselve, I was told later if I'd been crying or hysterical they might have taken me seriously, but because I was composed it looked like it wasn't a big deal.
@joshg111 I know this doesn't help you now, but just so everyone else knows you can take your child with you when you leave just as the other parent can too. Until an order is filed with the court you can take your child and keep them with you, typically if you leave the state you can be ordered to return to the original state and you also shouldn't leave the country. But you absolutely can take your kids and go to a hotel, or even move out completely and file for an emergency custody order.
@parodyofjay If all the bills are under your name go cancel the service for all the bills under your name and get your deposit back on those services if a deposit was made also route all your mail anywhere else but the address you was living at with him. If your mom's isn't an option to route your mail there then the post office has whats called General Delivery and you sign up at the post office ita a free service for 30days more times than not they can extend it twice so that ends up being a 90day service free of charge change the address to everything to general delivery. You mail will then get routed to the post office not in a p.o. box but to the back mail room and you go up to the counter and hand them your ID and they will go to the back and get your mail for you. As of now general deliver is 1 of the smart moves u need to make ASAP. It keeps any process server from knowing where you and your 2 kids rest your necks keeps you from getting served any papers that he may be planning on serving you. Also like everyone said go to a shelter some are so over filled that they are putting people in hotels you may just be one of the lucky ones to get placed into a hotel. Also who ever your case worker maybe with the shelter ask them about RAPID REHOUSING. They help you find a place in 90days or less pay for all your moving and move in cost from deposits to application fees then they go on to do either one of two things either pay your rent entirely for the 1st 3 months or pay for half or your rent for the 1st 6months. Remember the name RAPID REHOUSING. Good Luck To You
Edit.... one last thing idk what state your in. Each state writes the specifics on what's considered neglect. Since it seems like he's going to try n be petty don't stress too much on him trying to take your kids from you and using you haveing no home at the moment as a way to call you an unfit mother. In most states children won't be taken from a parent and /or parents due to poverty being homeless, poor, or struggling depending on what state you live in that is not considered neglect and it does not consider you to be an u fit parent. Remember that and look up the specifics on the laws in your state.
@parodyofjay Take all those bills and receipts statements showing that you pay the bills and if your on the lease agreement show that to the judge and watch who gets booted out the door he sounds like a big cry baby acting tough and abusive towards women oh yeah tough guy thinks he’s tough! What’s the address I’d be interested in showing up and seeing how tough he really is
@parodyofjay Get police reports for abuse if it's not too late. Stop paying the bills unless judge orders you (if you are higher earner judge may order status quo payments, record of dv would help prevent this).
@parodyofjay I went through a VERY similar situation. Ex went on a trip out of the country while I was staying with my parents to recover from giving birth. I had a dental apt so I drove back to our house (renting) and he had changed the locks. I called a locksmith and took the next two weeks to pack and move with my parents. He was in and out of my daughters life for the first year. I did the math and all the stuff he took from me/kept comes out to about $10k. I spoke to a custody lawyer and looked up as many custody laws as I could. I am a paralegal but i do not deal with family law or litigation so I know nothing about court. He left us alone after I told him that if he ever filed for custody I will file for the $10k he owes me. I sent him the detailed list too. Since that day, he hasn’t contacted us at all. It has been about a year. I think since he knew I spoke to a lawyer and he also spoke to one, he knows that his lawyer will cost him $4-10k for custody. Then also the money he owes me which will become a judgment which will go as a lien if he ever buys a home or property (I was a real estate closing paralegal). And he works under the table so he knows I’ll contact the IRS to get him and his boss for tax evasion. His boss enabled him (they’re buddies) in treating me like shit during our relationship. I only haven’t done the IRS thing out of laziness. But I am doing it as soon as tax season passes. Anyway, just assert yourself. Advocate for yourself. Don’t let that asshat scare you. You will win. And definitely take him to small claims court or regular court. I would contact a domestic violence organization ASAP!!!! I forgot to mention that which is vital for you right now!!!!!!! My lawyer told me that if I pressed charges for DV it would make my case look worse because I waited months. It would make me look like a liar. PLEASE press charges. If you don’t want to do that, some states consider it a DV case if you reach out to a DV organization. That is my greatest regret.
And like another person commented, report the money as stolen! Call the bank and tell them AND file a police report. That is proof of financial abuse right there.
