Why is it so hard to make mom friends??

[elzappozah]

I've been trying to make mom friends for 4 years, thanks to Covid it made it next to impossible for the first few years. I'm horrible at small talk and making new friends because I'm always socially awkward. All the friends I do have I've made through work and unfortunately none of them have kids who are even close in age to my 4 year old. Our library doesn't have activities for little kids except at 10am during the week for some strange reason. My daughter is in pre-k through her daycare still until August when she starts kindergarten at a new school and I've tried and tried to make friends with her friends' parents but they always say they're busy. (Most of them are in the medical field so I'm sure they are). We don't have any family here so she has no cousins to play with. My daughter and I both need friends so badly but I don't know how to get moms to actually want to be friends! She keeps getting in trouble for talking too much and now has to be sat in a desk away from all the other kids which upsets me because it's literally the only place she gets to talk to or be around other kids. I didn't think it would be this hard to make friends with other moms.

 

[ponzaj]

@elzappozah Why don’t you enroll your daughter into activities so she can make friends there. I found that my daughter made a lot of great friends at her dance studio.

 

[elzappozah]

@ponzaj Good idea, I had looked into gymnastics in the past but I think we missed the registration. I know she would like dance, idk if it's normal but ours here only offers jazz classes until they're 6 then they can do more of a hip-hop dance class. Idk if she would like jazz lol.

 

[ponzaj]

@elzappozah That’s strange most studios I’ve seen offer ballet, tap and hip hop to the younger kids and then as they get older they introduce extra things like lyrical and jazz. Look around and see if they have a trial class to see if she would like jazz.

 

[ababwaalijaz]

@elzappozah My daughter just started gymnastics - she turned 3 a couple of weeks ago, and loves it so far! Around 4, many areas have beginners' soccer or other introductory sports classes as well. If you have a Little Gym or similar in your area, that is also an idea.

 

[sogon]

@elzappozah Small talk is the worst and personally I find it really hard to connect with moms who have a very different parenting approach than me. Like if they are constantly correcting their kid we won’t vibe.

 

[tarzanfell]

@sogon I feel this. We do peaceful parenting. So when we meet parents who hit or yell it’s an instant no.

 

[savannahcbc]

@sogon Same like does little Tommy really need to be told how to say tomatoes correctly at age 2? I also can’t vibe if someone is semi-yelling at their kid repeatedly.

 

[dpfocanil]

@elzappozah Honestly- what are YOU into? I have friends who are parents with similar age kids, but we met through OUR hobby and now our kids play together so we can hang.

I’m not, personally, into having friends who are only my friend because we have kids the same age.

 

[bencramsie]

@dpfocanil 100%

This is why I'm primarily still friends with my old friends, many of whom have yet to have kids. I'm only a few months into the journey to be fair.

 

[kimmac23]

@bencramsie This is the way. It is possible to meet great people through your kids and form a little village but it’s always a bit awkward navigating relationship dynamics as the kids change over the years; their friendships evolve , they drop the mutual activities, families may add kids, etc etc. Your old time friends who love you for YOU and your kids like family are solid gold.

 

[dpfocanil]

@bencramsie My daughter is 5 and, honestly, I have one almost-friend from her dance class. But that’s bc our kids have danced together for 2.5 years. Will we see each other if either stops dancing? No.

Will I see my running friends who I run with weekly and travel with and have brunch with (with and without our kids)? Yes.

 

[newname1972]

@elzappozah It's hard to make friends that last in general

 

[myheart]

@elzappozah We didn't make new parent friends until ours was in "real school." So it might happen organically come kindergarten. Good luck!

 

[shelmeister]

@myheart I’ve been wondering if this would be the case for us too. Ours is 3.5; she does dance class and we’ve met a few people and done play dates here and there but nothing seems to really stick. It seems like everyone is always so busy, ourselves included. So I’ve thought, maybe it gets better/easier once she’ll be in kindergarten. Good to know it did for you.

 

[redwood]

@elzappozah I’m pretty introverted and socially awkward so making friends during a group was not my jam. I did have luck with the peanut app though. It’s like a dating app but for mon friends in your area. I loved that I could read about other moms before actually having to talk to them. When I found someone I vibed with we’d just make plans to meet at a park and see how our kiddos got along. I find that it was super nice because we both wanted to be there and make other mom friends. Good luck to you. It’s tough out there and takes work to make mom friends.

 

[zennah]

@elzappozah I've found most of my mama friends through my town's private "mamas" Facebook group. There are meet ups, and sometimes someone will post asking for play dates with their kiddo. You also get a feel for who you might jive with just from their comments and whatnot.

Also, I'm an introvert and feel socially awkward, and I do much better with groups now. It takes the pressure off of you, you can kind of observe and smile and nod instead of feeling like you're right in the middle of the small talk.

 

[leedoldol]

@zennah Yes to the Facebook moms groups. I haven't met up with any yet but I've had some really great extended DM chats with some moms whose posts and comments had a certain vibe that clicked with me. Eventually I'll be brave enough to go to one of the get-togethers, I hope.

 

[paulbassett]

@leedoldol Do it! I went to one, and most of the moms there were meh (one later tried to use our friendship to sell me MLM crap) but I met one woman who happened to live two blocks from me and we hit it off! She's smart, educated and politically engaged.

It's funny, because we have stayed friends even as our kids have grown apart. She's since moved, and is now about 45 minutes away, but we still try and get together every few months for coffee or brunch.

 

[bencramsie]

@elzappozah Given how I only connected w a select group of people throughout my life (school, career, music/art scene etc), I don't know why I am now expected to be friends with any old mom who comes my way lol. I wish you could be matched with moms who share your interests (outside of you, know having a kid). I tried Peanut but it's not it!