Who here has a mediocre relationship with their sibling(s)?

[bobharms]

@clone_25 A noble sibling embiggens the smallest family

 

[clone_25]

@bobharms Haha, I love it so much because it's such a real sounding-ish word that you can easily use in a conversation without pause, but it's fun when people recognize it.

 

[patriciairlu]

@ernesjohnson I wouldn’t even say my sister and I have a relationship at this point. It’s pretty much always been this way even when we were younger. There’s a 4.5 year age gap, and maybe that has something to do with it.

Not to mention, I’ve been the best Aunt possible to my nephew and my sister has been nonexistent in my daughters life. It has definitely made me realize that while most only children want a sibling at some point, most sibling relationships wouldn’t even fulfill that wish anyways as sad as that sounds.

I would say it’s helped secure my decision in being one and done.

 

[ababwaalijaz]

@patriciairlu Similarly, any "pain" from wishing to have a sibling as an only child likely pales in comparison to the pain of having a sibling who either abuses you or treats you like you don't exist (unless they need something!). I will feel bad if my only ends up resenting her lack of siblings, but as someone who was physically and mentally abused by my older brother, I can safely say that the pain I experienced was much worse than any "emptiness" I may have felt if I hadn't had any siblings at all. Many people with siblings wish they had DIFFERENT (or no) siblings, rather than what they actually have. You cannot predict sibling relationships - even parents who do everything "right" to help siblings have positive bonds, can still end up with kids who want nothing to do with each other. It's a huge gamble, and very few people hit the "lottery" in that respect. It's wonderful when siblings end up being very close, but it shouldn't be the primary motivation to have more kids. Parents still have to do 18 PLUS years of work for each child, all while (hopefully) maintaining their own physical, mental and financial health.

 

[shirleyravenel]

@ernesjohnson People really romanticize sibling relationships. Even if they have bad relationship with their siblings they think it’ll be different for their kids.

The pros of being an only are guaranteed- more resources and less stressed parents. The pros of having a sibling are uncertain

 

[robertnethromik]

@ernesjohnson Not me, but my parents had bad relationships with their siblings, which I watched as my grandparents needed more help and things went from meh to up in flames - as an only child when I hear other onlies lament having to navigate elderly parents alone instead of having support I just kind of laugh ruefully to myself. I mean sure you MAY have support or your father’s brother may steal all your grandmother’s belongings and money and leave your father stuck with caring for her. Sooooooooo I was fine with being an only and with my kid being an only.

(In addition, out of my 5 closest friends, 1 has a close relationship with her siblings, 3 have meh relationships, and one is no contact with hers. So this whole “I’ll have someone I’m close to my whole life!” fantasy that some onlies have is just…not accurate)

 

[faithlovehope15]

@robertnethromik 100%. My mom is one of 6 and was the only one willing to help care for my grandfather for YEARS when he developed dementia. She lived an hour away from him, while all the other siblings were literally 2-10 minutes away.

My hubby and I plan to have a good savings for elder care if we need and legal directives to take the pressure off our only, as we get older.

I have one older brother myself, and we have approximately 1% in common so we virtually never talk.

 

[cookiedough7177]

@faithlovehope15 Wow your poor mom.

 

[acandleindarkness]

@robertnethromik Siblings in my family are actively litigating over inheritance. Having multiple children isn't all sunshine and rainbows.

 

[dsnow]

@ernesjohnson I have two older sisters and love them both a lot. But our relationships don’t go beyond people that happen to be related. We get along fine, but if I need people to talk to or hang out with, I have a core group of great friends that I turn to.

I’m on the fence OAD, but honestly a sibling relationship has already been fully factored out to me as a reason to have another. I think people spin siblings as built in best friends, but that’s not the case for almost anyone I know. It’s also not a reason for me to have a second - so that maybe my son will be friends with his younger sibling?

 

[slro]

@ernesjohnson Also mediocre with my sibling. Having kids has helped us bond but beyond being parents and adoring each others kids, we don’t have much in common except some DNA. They were a total jerk to me (they are older) for most of our childhood and early adulthood but mellowed out once they got married and then much more later when the kids came along. It’s a big reason why I don’t feel like having a second so my only has a sibling to play with makes me feel pressure seeing as my sibling wanted nothing to do with me from about age 5-25.

 

[coreopsis]

@ernesjohnson I have 6 siblings , 2 full siblings, 2 half siblings, and 2 step siblings. My family literally lives on the street before mine and i see them maybe 5 times a year. To call my relationship with my siblings mediocre is an understatement lol

 

[gvsteady]

@ernesjohnson SO much so. I WISH I had a good relationship with my siblings. I long for it honestly. But I just don't. I've tried and I honestly feel more like how I would suspect and only child feels anyways. So when I lean more towards one and done a big reason is because a sibling (or two!) doesn't mean they'll be close with each other.

 

[tigrl86]

@ernesjohnson My brother and I were only 16 months apart. We weren’t close and actually fought a lot. Once, I went back through all of our old school projects and my brother always wrote about how he didn’t like me and how annoying I was. From like 2nd grade to 5th. I know he was just a kid but that one kind of hurt for some reason. Now we only talk once every few months and I’m mostly the one who reaches out.

The only time we were remotely close was when our parents divorced when we were both mid 20s because it was a weird time.

But my relationship with my brother, or lack of, is a factor for being one and done. The main reason people give you a hard time is because “they won’t have siblings to talk to/play with etc”. I probably could have done without my brother calling me “actually retarded” because of my ADHD. Or hitting me over the head with the house phone. More negatives happened than positives in my book.

I’d rather put all of my love and energy into one child than be pulling my hair out with two because they’re fighting 24/7.

 

[icd]

@ernesjohnson Yeah it's one of those family events are the only times we communicate and it's really just basic pleasantries relationships.

We're just not the types of people who are compatible. There is zero reason for me to contact him about anything because we have no shared interests, no solid relationship, nothing in common. He's younger and I spent my entire childhood being hit, kicked, pinched, belongings defaced, privacy invaded because my parents are of the "boys will be boys!!!!" mindset. We've never been friends.

I don't think it's the main decision, but it's made me immune to the "but she needs a friend" guilt tripping. You can't grow a friend, you actually have to connect with a friend.

 

[justasimplea]

@ernesjohnson I was an only child for 15 years, and I wanted a sibling. My mom got pregnant with my brother when I was 15/16. When she first told me, I wasn’t happy about it, but after he was born, everything changed. Although we are 15 years apart, I still consider us to have a close relationship. We don’t hang out, well, because he’s a teenager and I am in my 30s, but we vacation together, and he comes over sometimes. During that time, we get along excellently, and he opens up to me about things he didn’t feel comfortable telling my parents. I cherish the moments we spend together and it’s been awesome to watch him grow into a well-rounded young adult. I enjoy having a sibling, but that doesn’t influence me wanting a sibling for my daughter. I love my brother like he’s my son though.

 

[cmmarq]

@ernesjohnson Mediocre and less.

 

[trifo]

@ernesjohnson The only reason I hang out with my sister is because I want my son to have a relationship with his cousins. If not for this I'd likely only see her on holidays at our parents' house.

 

[junohannah]

@ernesjohnson My sis and I get along well, and I love her, but I wouldn't go out of my way to do non-important stuff for her. As someone else said in this thread, we wouldn't be friends if we weren't related.
Some days we don't even talk at all, and we live together!

So yes, I would say we have a mediocre relationship

 

[pistolpete]

@ernesjohnson Mediocre is a great word! I love her dearly and would do anything I could for her, and I'm sure she'd do the same. But we only talk regularly because we're in a group chat with our mom, who we are both close to. We're just too different.