When will Americans finally not care that I cosleep?

[mashiach]

@i_believe Cosleeping with my baby brings me such joy. I wouldn't want it any other way. Do what feels right.

Edited to add, I don't feel unsafe at all doing it. I've looked at the stats as outlined in the book Cribsheet and I'm not worried in the slightest.

 

[i_believe]

@mashiach It gives me the biggest heart swells

 

[kithstack]

@i_believe For me people stopped caring about the safety of it at 12 months and shifted quickly to ‘you won’t be able to get her out!’ That being said I bet more people in your community are cosleeping than you think just being silent about it. At my one year anniversary of cosleeping I posted on social media about it to celebrate and it was incredible the people who came out of the woodwork sharing similar experiences.

 

[samalematina]

@kithstack Yep all 3 of my close friends co sleep with their kids.

 

[nickole256]

@i_believe We’re Americans of course we’re more concerned about what everyone else is doing instead of ourselves! (Coming from an American)

 

[schokoladetante]

@i_believe This sounds very crazy to me. I am from Austria and I only know one single family who didn’t cosleep (they are Americans ). Even in the hospital after birth they told me to practice safe cosleeping in bed with firm mattress etc. and never fall asleep anywhere else with the baby, as the majority of accidents happen in this situations. Most families I know still have bedside crips, as did we. This worked great for us. As I understand the risk of SIDS drops significantly after 6 months and ist pretty much non existent at 12 months. At least this is the information we get here.

 

[samalematina]

@schokoladetante Yeah it’s the norm in my home country in the Balkans. No one thinks it’s odd like they do here in the US.

 

[megano]

@schokoladetante I love that they teach you how to safely cosleep at the hospital! It's like the old argument about teaching safe sex vs abstinence. We are going to cosleep, so just teach us how to do it safely instead of shaming it.

 

[talita]

@i_believe People are less weird about it at 1 I find.

I cosleep with my baby completely. She doesn't sleep in a crib at all. Idgaf what anyone says about it, it works for us. My mum thinks it's a bit weird but from a "you're making a rod for your own back" perspective rather than anything else.

Anyway I've got 4 kids in total and I didn't cosleep with the eldest because I didn't know about it, and the other two I only did it when they were sick or fussy. All 4 of them sometimes come in my bed...it makes absolutely no difference and I wish I'd done it from the getgo with the older ones and saved the sleepless nights

 

[digitizing]

@i_believe In America there is no "OK" to bed sharing. If you took a study of 1000 people bed sharing and 1 or 2 passed away due to smothering then America is gonna shame bed sharing all together. But I don't think people take into account the situation that led up to that as well. Sharing a bed knowingly while sharing a bed unknowingly due to passing out from pure exhaustion are two very different situations.

I was so against bed sharing and I tried literally everything to get him to sleep on his own. It did not work! There was a time I fell sleep accidentally with him on me and when I realized I fell asleep for a couple hours I almost flung my son off me in a panic wondering where he was and why did he sleep for a couple hours without crying (he never slept past 1.5hrs at a time). While this scared the crap out of me, my son slept better because he was with me, luckily in a safe position and I never moved from being so tired. So I started treading the waters of cosleeping.

When I slept with him knowingly, it was like my body would stay aware that my son was with me and to not move. I kept blankets at bay and removed the body pillow I would normally sleep with to give open space. While he still wasn't the best sleeper, he deff slept better making it so I even slept better despite being consciously aware he was with me even while sleeping.

I think the unfortunate times smotherings happen is primarily when there is high exhaustion going on, or just not practicing safe cosleeping habits. I saw a video of a mom talking about it and the comments really confirmed alot of parents went through similar eperiences. America would rather scare you out of doing something natural than properly educate you on it. I was scared to share I coslept, but come to find out, most of our friends did it, and if they didn't do it they still supported it if it's what worked for you. Now I treaded lightly about the topic with my mom cause she is the type to make "your spoiling them" comments. We even had to have a talk about her making comments that just were negative towards cute moments. Literally had our son home for a day or 2 and took a cute pic of him sleeping on my husband chest while we watched a movie and first thing she said "please tell me you're not letting him (my son) do that", as if it was some awful thing to even hold our sleeping baby and not put him straight into a crib.

 

[samalematina]

@i_believe There’s such a strong push for independence on babies fresh out of the womb. Can’t hold them too much can’t sleep with them or they’ll end up spoiled and overly attached to you. You mentioned American studies but there’s plenty of studies from other countries about cosleeping that you can look into. Especially countries where cosleeping is common or the norm.

My American mil is super judgmental about it. Thinks it’s weird and bad that we cosleep with our kid. I don’t care though. I’m not going to take parenting advice from someone whose all 3 kids do not have a close relationship with their own mother.

 

[samalematina]

@i_believe So true! Like you said they’re babies they’re supposed to be dependent on you! They have the rest of their lives to sleep on their own and be independent. Co sleeping is common in my culture where I’m from and everyone I know grew up to be independent, got married, have their own home, and all that. They’re just super close with their families especially their parents. There’s so much love there.

There’s also that big push of independence the second your turn 18. You gotta be on your own can’t live with mom and dad anymore!

Mine is 5 now and I definitely do miss those earlier days for that reason. Cuddling her and holding her anytime I wanted to!

 

[gbessou]

@i_believe 2 is the age

But I’ve done pretty much what you’ve been doing.

The only time I’m really insistent that I get her back in bed is if I’ve drank that day at any point or taken any medication that might be considered sedating like Benadryl.

 

[nickymoore138]

@i_believe I came across this post at 6am, while my 10-week old was all curled against my torso, under my blanket, having the best sleep she could possibly have. So I had to come back.

It saddens me thinking about women who miss out on such wonderful feelings because of the pressure others put on them. Think about it like this. In a few years, when your baby will be all grown and won't even want to hug you, you will be the only one regretting you haven't snuggled with them in bed enough. Not your husband. Not your in-laws. Not your friends or whoever. It's gonna be you.

Now, before I get attacked, this advice applies to moms who do want to bedshare but are pressured into not doing it. If you put your baby in a crib or a different room because that's what you choose to do, more power to you. You do whatever feels best for you and your baby.

But OP, if you long to have your baby next to you in bed, let the world roar its opinions while you enjoy feeling your baby against your body. Follow the guidelines for safe sleep to ease your mind, but don't let the people around you rob you from your heart's desire. And don't let them devalue it either by listening if they criticise you.

Anecdotally, I bedshared with my baby from day 1. I bought the bedside crib, installed it, but baby would cry bloody murder in it. I slept lighter than what I would have wanted, but light sleep is better than no sleep. And I loved it. I had to move her in the bedside crib at almost 9 weeks because she began to move too much, and I couldn't sleep at all. And I MISS her. So every morning, around 5am, I pull her out of the Halo sleep sack and put her next to me. And we sleep until 8.

I live in Northern Europe, and here we don't make such a big deal out of it. We are told to do whatever feels right. So do the same OP, and cancel everyone else out.

 

[megano]

@nickymoore138 Love this perspective!

 

[i_believe]

@nickymoore138 It really gave me so much guilt when he was younger. But I decided if it feels right then that’s my instinct kicking in and I’d better listen to it.
And you’re right I already feel like I missed out for part of it. I wish I could’ve spent his first month giving him all the sleepy cuddles he needed and not fighting myself every night to transfer him back.
Though I do hope he’ll keep giving me hugs forever

 

[bymay]

@i_believe Sometimes MIL need to be educated on the new science. My mom genuinely thought my daughter would be more comfortable if she was laying down in a crib alone. Even after I explained that no she’s more comfortable being held, it took her a year to understand.

 

[i_believe]

@bymay He had been in a tiny little dark cocoon his whole life, of course he’d be more comfortable warm and safe next to mommy.

 

[cfiscel]

@i_believe It's not all Americans, it's just the US.

I came here to flex on being Canadian. A couple days after your baby is born, they snail mail you this info packet with all of these little flyers about when to get vaccines, umbilical cord care, etc. And, of course, the one about how if you choose to bed share, you should practice the safe seven. Yet we have a lower infant death rate than our neighbours to the south.

 

[i_believe]

@cfiscel I didn’t learn about the safe 7 until I’d already been sleeping with him for a bit. I wish they would have educated me on that too!