What is it like going from 1-2 or 2-3 kids with 2 full time working parents?

[ratnaturelover]

@infomommax I went for a second pregnancy and got twins. We had 3 kids under 2 for about 5 weeks.

We got a puppy when the kids were 4 & 2, now they are 6, 4 & 4.

1 kid was fine, 3 is a struggle. I’m lucky I work about 45 hours per week from home and have since 2018. The twins started full time daycare at 12 weeks and childcare is the biggest portion of our budget.

Plus 1 to the commenter that said 3 kids is too much for grandparents to handle, both of our parents are around age 75 and have slowed down. They can really only hand a couple of hours max.

In 2021 I started anti-anxiety and anti-depression meds as well as seeing a therapist weekly. I struggle to keep up with the laundry, food shopping, cooking & cleaning, dr appts, speech therapy appointments, IEP meetings, kids clothing needs, sports, shoes & family time.

My husband is a partner and cleans, fold laundry, takes kids to appts, coaches their soccer teams and drops off the kids every morning.

 

[alestur]

@infomommax I was lucky enough to be home for a year with my first. With my second, I found a work from home job months before she was born, and I managed to stay home with both my girls until she was about 1.5. I got a little too stir-crazy and found a teaching job (now 1 year ago) - summers and plenty of holidays off, plus we save on things like not paying for after care at school. My oldest just started kinder (5.5), my second is in daycare (2.5), and I am about 6 months pregnant with my third.

My husband has tons of leave saved up, and he gets like 12 weeks of paid paternity leave, which is a huge plus. My biggest worry is honestly breastfeeding/pumping and working - I’ll be going back when she’s 8 weeks old, and pumping is the worst. I was able to BF my first two until they were about two years old, and I’m just pretty sure that isn’t going to happen this time around.

I feel like 3 is going to be hard, but my littles are soo excited (and they finally now play together, which is cute!!) and my husband is so supportive, it really helps. I rarely have to worry about taking off work unless I have doctor appointments - and I guess we’ve always been pretty fortunate that our kids are sent home from school/daycare barely at all. We’re more likely to get perfect attendance than worry about running out of sick days.

My husband is great at helping pick up, clean, and even cook - I tend to entertain the kids. That balance really works for us. I’ve been extra tired this pregnancy, and my hubby has been extra great at letting me take tons of naps without complaining, which is what I feel like the first 8 weeks with a new baby is like anyway.

The hardest part for me with going from 1 to 2 was how long we had to wait before our littles could really play or interact with each other - babies are cute, but they don’t really do a whole lot until they’re walking and talking - that was very tough on my oldest. She felt like she wasn’t getting much attention or connecting with the little. They’re great most of the time now, but it was a long wait!

 

[luckyjimmy]

@infomommax Once you have one it’s kind of the same…you are already on the same daycare/school schedule so it’s really not that bad to juggle. The worst part is the sicknesses the baby gets the first year of daycare, and juggling work deliverables/taking off to care for a sick child! But that’s rough with baby 1 too!!

I always wanted two kids but felt this pill to have a 3rd and so glad I did! Getting ready to go back to work in two weeks after having baby girl #3! I feel more at ease and less stressed than with the first two…for now at least

 

[jimsinglegon]

@infomommax I personally found that 0-1 was WAY harder than 1-2, but I’m learning from this thread that mileage definitely varies on this!

 

[bpf66]

@infomommax We have 3 kids. We do it without outside help other daycare. My mom watches 2 of them once a week on different days. We don’t use her for backup care - we just muddle through. I work from home and my husband can WFH once a week. Usually it’s me taking on the brunt of it. My work is flexible, but I also just don’t share a ton and make it up as needed.
2 in daycare is tough. My oldest is in elementary school, so she’s home a million days anyhow.
The change from 0-1 was the hardest. You have no idea what you are doing. My youngest is 18 months now and once I was done breastfeeding I felt like I got myself back.
But as I look ahead I think our lives will continue to be pleasantly chaotic for quite some time. I don’t think I would have it any other way. My mom’s biggest regret was not having 3 - I don’t want that to be my life.

 

[daisychris]

@infomommax It’s hard - between sickness and activities you have to multiply that by 3. Multiply by 3 the number of routine doctor and dentist appts you need to figure out. Also this doesn’t take into account what if one has special needs- my youngest needs a bunch of therapies scheduled in and doesn’t sleep through the night at all … exhausting

 

[blessedgeneration]

@infomommax I wanted 3 too, but was thrown for a loop by how hard it is to have 2 and we're done now.

Somehow I didn't imagine that 2 kids would be double the work, but somehow it feels like more than double.

The sicknesses and appointments. But also the laundry and dishes! I have a house cleaner coming tomorrow for the first time because I can no longer clean beyond the basics of keeping dirty dishes out of the sink.

My work also happened to drop down to 4 day weeks. When I had 1 kid, I spent that day relaxing or sometimes deep cleaning. Now I spend it on basic necessities and I don't know how I'd manage without it. I don't think we could handle 3 without dropping more work. Or I guess living in a pile of dirty laundry and dishes

The cost was more than I expected too. I figured baby 2 couldn't be as expensive as baby 1 because we didn't need 2 copies of all the supplies. Now we have 3 copies of a lot of things because I don't want to spend time running around finding where I stored it or need to have 1 copy in the dishwasher, etc.

 

[godsgirls]

@infomommax Two is hard. We want 3-4 but I just don’t know.
My youngest started daycare last week at 7 months. He already has a cold and will miss tomorrow. I give it 48 hours before his older sister is also home due to illness. We are in a constant cycle of illness-doctor- better for a week- sick again.

I have a super flexible job but I’m at the end of my personal rope bc it’s so much to juggle. I cannot imagine adding MORE kids to this unless my husband stayed home or our kids suddenly stopped getting so sick (my daughter is 4, and this is just our usual life- sick twice a month).

 

[socrcks13]

@infomommax 3 here. Without family help in town, it would be very difficult. The schedules are the biggest issue, appts, sickness, activities times 3!

 

[angie2676]

@infomommax The first year of having 2 kids (21 months apart) was the hardest year in my life. There are no words to accurately describe how difficult it was. But it didn’t have much to do with the job; I don’t think it would have been much easier if one of us wasn’t working anyway.

 

[newlyreborn17]

@infomommax Lots and lots of splitting to conquer tasks and handle two cranky little ones. Mine at 18 months apart so now that they are 3 and nearly 2 it’s easier to wrangle them together with one parent for bath or sitting them down for dinner while the other does background chores . Really is all about time management and patience.

 

[jeannemacl]

@infomommax We have 3, we both work full time. Transition from 1-2 was a bit harder for us. We also don't have as much family support. So it's hard for us, but we make it work. However, it helps that I do shift work, so I go get a few weekdays off and if I were traditional schedule it would not work as well.
I'm actually trying to convince my husband to get a part time nanny so we aren't rushing from here to there to be home in time to pick up the kids from the bus and getting the baby from daycare etc.
Also, our youngest is doing speech therapy twice a week, which is something that's added that we didn't expect since the other two did not have it.

The big takeaway is do you have adequate support? That's what makes a HUGE difference. But adequate support I mean will you and your partner be able to do a date night at least once a month? If so, then go for 3, if not, seriously think about it.

 

[afonso]

@infomommax No advice on 2+ as we only have 2. Going from 1-2 was much, much harder than I expected. We planned for the first couple years to suck but it was worse than expected. Two competing sets of needs, changing behavior from the older, and the additional mental load that feels like it three times the amount it was with one. My ADHD also got significantly worse after my second which in hindsight caused a lot of my issues. I constantly felt burnt out, over stimulated, antsy, irritated, and exhausted. I wish I’d worked more heavily on my mental health before I had my second. Three years in and it’s much better, I’m medicated, see my therapist monthly, and my kids are much more independent which I prefer. I don’t regret having my second, but I do wish I done things a little differently.

 

[ran54per]

@infomommax Does it feel different to go from 2 to 3 if the age gap between your first and second is significant? I have a 9 yo and a 2 mo... too early now but wondering what it would be like to have a third in a few years.

 

[meaghan]

@infomommax Going from 2-3 was easier than going from 1-2.

 

[sherilyn]

@infomommax I just don't understand how people can have more than 2 kids in US. It really takes a village and having 3 or more I think is tough unless you've got a great network or one is SAHP for younger years. I have 1 would love 1 more but I'm afraid it would stretch us right now since he's 2 and we have no support or family network and we both work full time in HCOL with no family nearby. My husband was 1 of 5 growing up and hated it since things were stretched out among siblings and I grew up 1 of 3 with one handicapped special needs sibling. It was hard and I think 1 to 2 is magic number for me.

 

[misty35]

@infomommax Three kiddos here! 7,5,3. I thought 1-2 was much harder than 2-3. We talked about a third but weren’t planning for a third. She is the most wonderful blessing and really does make our family whole.

I think with the right employer three kiddos isn’t too bad, but it does get more difficult to manage the house, appointments, sports. I did notice a bit of a performance dip during pregnancy and post partum , but my employer didn’t seem to care. It was more just my own anxieties.

I’ve worked full time all since my oldest was born, but have recently decided to step back from my current role into a part-time position to help with all the chaos.

I only had one sibling when I was growing up and always wished I had more. So we’re happy to have been lucky enough to provide multiple siblings to our kiddos.

Parenting is challenging no matter what road you take! Someone told me just to think about what you’d value when you’re 70-80. Having more kids or having a successful career.

Sending positive energy your way

 

[infomommax]

@misty35 Thank you!

Honestly I don’t value a career, but I want to be able to not work to the bone to enjoy my children! I mean, I like to do a good job at work but I don’t climb ladders, I’m not management material, and I don’t like 45+ hour work weeks.

It’s a catch 22, I would have three kids if I knew I could be part time. But the only way to be part time is probably to stay with two kids lol.

 

[humilityfirst]

@infomommax If your firstborn is already 4 or 5, the adjustment may be less brutal but a lot depends on the personality and temperament of your kids, which is a shot in the dark.

0-1 was a breeze for me as WFH happened and I also just opted for part-time/contract hours for the most part. Then two under two happened, and my partner was promoted to a more intensive role (we didn't have family nearby as well) so the only way there is some semblance of stability for our kids was if I took a major "step back" in my career/work - further reduced hours, pay cut, etc - I simply did not have the time or mental space to work at the intensity I used to. I felt in a better headspace to slow-return to 30 hours after my second child turned 1.

 

[olaitan]

@infomommax 0-1 rocked my world. She was born 2020 so covid had turned everything upside down. I worked for my dad at the time so the transition wasn’t bad professionally.

1-2 was so much easier as a mom, and so much harder as a working professional. Double the sickness. Double the disrupted sleep. New employer and more concern about meeting their expectations.

We plan for 2-3 in the next two years. I expect it to be hard. I plan to be at the same job and they’re quite flexible but I’m already worried about the disruption. But the further along I get I’m my career the more confident that my work speaks for itself and the hurdles of childcare won’t change my trajectory.