What is it like going from 1-2 or 2-3 kids with 2 full time working parents?

[infomommax]

I always wanted 3-4 kids, but I’m beginning to think 2 will be our number.

But how hard is the transition with work? I was part time for the first 6 months with my first, but I don’t think I’ll have that option with my new employer. So I’ll be Monday through Friday 40 hours a week.

I’m not pregnant yet, but probably within the next 3-6 months.

 

[shanbless]

@infomommax In my experience, work isn’t the problem. It’s the fact that you now have two kids getting sick at daycare, often right after each other, that becomes the problem. Plus all the added appointments. And then, when the time comes for one to go to school, multiple drop offs on different schedules.

I’m confident in my workplace and their support of families, but I’m completely tapped out at 2. I don’t know how people are managing 3 or more without regular extra help.

 

[southlander]

@shanbless same! (except i have 3…) my job is great, my employer is really flexible and accommodating, and I honestly love what i do. but….nobody can possibly offer sick days enough to cover sickness of 3 children - even split between two parents (my husband takes off equally with me to cover sick time). it’s really stressful trying to manage working with kids sick at home because you just don’t have the sick time.

there was a really dark period early spring for me after a whole fall and winter struggling through this and too much on my plate at work at the same time….then 1 kid got sick, was home for a week, then the second caught it just as the first was getting better and was home the 2nd week, and of course the third caught it at the very end of the second week and was sick the whole 3 week. because i have three, that meant 3 entire weeks of sick time for 1 illness. and that was just on cycle of repeat.

i really hope this year will be better. but i doubt it will be.

 

[looking4answers20]

@southlander This is my biggest fear with three kids. My husband and I also both work. May I ask what your age gaps are?

 

[southlander]

@looking4answers20 my kids are 2, 3.5, and 5.5. we intended to stop at 2, but the third came into our life like a wrecking ball.

3 does end up making a huge difference with childcare. grandparents are very very rarely up for all 3, and can usually only manage 2 at a time.

 

[shpchvr]

@southlander This! I love having 3 kids, more logistics, but manageable. Finding babysitters is where the challenge lies.

 

[aaronq10]

@southlander So what do you do? Just ask for forgiveness and hope they don’t fire you?

 

[southlander]

@aaronq10 honestly? a mix of that, making up for the lost hours on nights and weekends, and doing a really great job whenever you can to convince them that it’s worth it to them to put up with your crazy schedule.

 

[porven]

@southlander 3 kids here, and same. I try to only use my weekends when I really have to. I also let my team know when I’m “OOO” for a sick kid and explain that I’m generally around and working when I can but calls can be tough and may get cut short. I kinda try to make them like “1/2 days” by getting something done while sick kid is sleeping/resting.

It sucks. Those days take the spread-too-thin working mom feelings and turn them up to 11.

 

[infomommax]

@shanbless I got you, those were still some of the answers I was looking for!

I suppose the benefit of having another one close in age is that drop off schedules will be similar most of the time.

We also have 3 dogs, 2 very high energy and needy and I know it’s crazy but I feel like 2 kids is the absolute max I can have and still give my dogs a good life.

 

[trucker1]

@infomommax Technically close in age assumes similar drop off but when mine were 1, 3 and 6 I had 3 diffirent drop offs. We have now consolidated to 2 but it will forever be 2 since the oldest will start middle school when the youngest starts K.

At the same time it was just a point in life. It was the right choice for everybody that year.

We are going to be entering 3 different sports schedules next year. That may actually kill me.

 

[jaanney]

@infomommax We have two kids and two dogs. We were considering a third before we had our second but are pretty firmly in the "pretty sure we're done" camp. We basically agreed that there's no way to make a third kid work unless one of us goes part time. It's just a lot harder with two--the moments I used to have with one kid to recharge/get stuff done is basically gone. Toddler stopped napping, baby gets up early, and with two sequential bedtimes by the time the kids are down I'm exhausted. We have the same drop off schedule now but I turned down a (free) public preK to keep our toddler in the same daycare/private prek as her brother and keep it to one drop off.

 

[kitcatrn]

@infomommax I’ll just add a random note here: if there is a fire how many hands do you need to save all your dependents? Pets and kids. We decided we could only handle 2 kids because parenting 2 was hard enough for us, but it also gave me peace of mind that we had enough hands to grab everyone between the 2 of us to get out in an emergency.

 

[josh88]

@infomommax My kids are 15 months apart, and the timing of their birthdays means they will only be one grade apart. I am counting that as a win in the insanity that is a 15 month age gap, at least they will be at the same school most of the time.

 

[mumbly]

@shanbless Yes, this. I'm drowning with 2 and in awe of how people with more keep going. My 7 year old is easy as, it's the 20 month old who makes things so hard. My line manager is the most beautiful, supportive and understanding human being in the world, but she can't do my work for me. (Sitting at home right now with feverish but energetic toddler, realising he can't go back to daycare tomorrow and I have to reschedule teaching. Again.)

 

[katrina2017]

@infomommax My personal story.

Going from 2-3 was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Ever. At 3 kids, it’s basically impossible to have two working parents. My work has suffered dramatically, and I’ll never recover the regression professionally.

 

[infomommax]

@katrina2017 I’m honestly not super worried about where I am at professionally, but I don’t like feeling so out of sorts that I don’t know what’s going on.

How old is your youngest? I’m trying to ask this without saying “do you regret it” because I am sure you do not regret your kids, but do you think if you had a redo you would still have a third?

 

[mattjames]

@infomommax I have 3. I agree that it was harder than 1-2 (nothing burger), but completely opposite career wise.

My career literally soared after I came back from mat leave a year ago. I doubled my salary and am a top performer. I travel monthly.

My husband's job is 99.9% WFH and he is an absolute best partner, he handles all 3 girls like a champ for 2-3 night a month.

Kids are 8,4, 16 months.

My kids are now in the same school so drop off is nothing (even though they used to be 2 blocks apart) and daycare is just a few blocks away.

 

[fleurdelys]

@mattjames I was waiting to see this comment so where.
I’m not sure if you’ll respond back, but I just wanted to say I have a 10 yo and a 9 month, on top of this I found out that I’m pregnant again.
I was looking to see how people were able to work with two very young kids. My oldest is pretty self sufficient and she has a school bus. I’m not sure how to handle the two under two while working

 

[katrina2017]

@infomommax Youngest is 2.5 now.

If given the option to do it again, I’m not sure that I would. He’s not my biological child, he’s my nephew, but I was prepared to have him.