scottwilson
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@katrina2017 We mostly eat as a family but sometimes we don’t even get to that point before he’s falling apart, as I get home an hour after him and then still need to cook.
What do you expect and experience with your teens eating habits?
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katrina2017
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@scottwilson I suggest looking at his feeding routine overall and start teaching himhow to take care of himself.
I have a few simple rules for my teens:
Here’s some good info on feeding teens.
I have a few simple rules for my teens:
- they must either pack their lunch or have money on them to buy it at school. Whether they eat or not it’s up to them. My oldest packed his lunch; my youngest takes money with her to eat with friends.
- they get home around 4; dinner is at 6. My second rule is that they can have a snack when they get home, but no later than that so they don’t spoil their appetite for dinner. They are in charge of their snack and can have whatever they want. Sometimes they’d ask what’s for dinner so they can choose their snack based on that.
- They’re in charge of cooking dinner once a week. They choose the menu. It’s important to develop this skill.
Here’s some good info on feeding teens.
@scottwilson My son (16) has ARFID (avoidant-restrictive food intake disorder). It's a daily "battle," just to get him to eat anything. Sorry, wish I could help.
fulfillingmypromise
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relaxbuddy
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@relaxbuddy No, not exactly. In simpler terms, I guess you could say with ARFID, you're afraid of food (because of its textures, etc), with anorexia you're afraid of gaining weight. But because ARFID basically makes you eat less (because less foods appeal to you), then you're probably going to be extremely underweight (well, speaking with my own experience with my son). My son was until earlier this year, when his psychiatrist finally decided to put him on medication to help him at least gain a little bit of weight (he still considers him to be slightly under, but he's at a healthier place physically than he was before).
relaxbuddy
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@scottwilson I provide nightly dinners, otherwise all 3 of my children (16M, 14M, 10F) feed themselves based on the food available.
I do not really have problems with them getting hangry or being mean to me.
But, no, there food choices are not always the healthiest (5 bowls of cereal, 6 protein bars, an entire blender full of protein smoothy, 6 toast & peanut butter, 3 turkey & cheese sandwiches, ramen, mac &cheese, insane number of homemade black bean quesadillas, oranges or other fruit with nuts, etc). But they are bright kids, they understand nutrition, so this is not a battle I am going to pick. It is far better than what it could be, and they will have to regulate all their meals once in college, so I just let them figure it out. The boys are also very active, if there is ever a time, when they can avoid storing all those carbs & sugar now is the time.
I do not really have problems with them getting hangry or being mean to me.
But, no, there food choices are not always the healthiest (5 bowls of cereal, 6 protein bars, an entire blender full of protein smoothy, 6 toast & peanut butter, 3 turkey & cheese sandwiches, ramen, mac &cheese, insane number of homemade black bean quesadillas, oranges or other fruit with nuts, etc). But they are bright kids, they understand nutrition, so this is not a battle I am going to pick. It is far better than what it could be, and they will have to regulate all their meals once in college, so I just let them figure it out. The boys are also very active, if there is ever a time, when they can avoid storing all those carbs & sugar now is the time.
scottwilson
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@michaelo Yes, these sorts of food choices are what happen and I should probably let that part go entirely, WHAT the content is, as long as he’s sometimes having protein.
How do not get triggered by their meanness or hanger? I think I don’t mind that as much, but he will refuse other responsibilities because he’s hungry, not necessarily realizing that it’s a result of lack of nutrition. Would that change things for you? We are visiting with family for the holiday, and what prompted this post was him snapping at somebody in our family as a result of being over hungry. So in today’s particular situation it was less about him and to me and about how he was treating others.
How do not get triggered by their meanness or hanger? I think I don’t mind that as much, but he will refuse other responsibilities because he’s hungry, not necessarily realizing that it’s a result of lack of nutrition. Would that change things for you? We are visiting with family for the holiday, and what prompted this post was him snapping at somebody in our family as a result of being over hungry. So in today’s particular situation it was less about him and to me and about how he was treating others.
@scottwilson I could understand how that would be frustrating.
I am fortunate that my kids seem to regulate their need to eat fairly well (or at least so far, my youngest is only 10). But our family culture may be a bit different than yours:
I married into an Italian family and they very much “live to eat” so if we visit them, there is definitely food to eat upon stepping in the door, lol. You have no chance to be hangry — bloated and overfed is definitely a possibility
though,
No but back to a serious note —
I am unusual compared to many households, and am lackadaisical about where the kids eat outside of dinner meal — meaning that as long as you pickup, you can eat where you want to be — bedrooms, your gaming desk, etc. so eating does not have to interrupt your desirable activity.
We also let our children graze as needed, from a very young age, so that may have helped them. I sort stopped tending to all their food needs in elementary.
What is your son doing like around breakfast and lunch time, that makes him not want to eat? Is this the only thing that he struggles with when it comes to executive functioning & motivation? How often does he need to eat from your standpoint. Would it be worth setting up text alarms to remind him to eat?
I am fortunate that my kids seem to regulate their need to eat fairly well (or at least so far, my youngest is only 10). But our family culture may be a bit different than yours:
I married into an Italian family and they very much “live to eat” so if we visit them, there is definitely food to eat upon stepping in the door, lol. You have no chance to be hangry — bloated and overfed is definitely a possibility
though, No but back to a serious note —
I am unusual compared to many households, and am lackadaisical about where the kids eat outside of dinner meal — meaning that as long as you pickup, you can eat where you want to be — bedrooms, your gaming desk, etc. so eating does not have to interrupt your desirable activity.
We also let our children graze as needed, from a very young age, so that may have helped them. I sort stopped tending to all their food needs in elementary.
What is your son doing like around breakfast and lunch time, that makes him not want to eat? Is this the only thing that he struggles with when it comes to executive functioning & motivation? How often does he need to eat from your standpoint. Would it be worth setting up text alarms to remind him to eat?
thecrossingatcypress
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@michaelo It's weird how it's so much easier to see the solution to your problem than mine which is exactly the same OP. I think the parenting can be about how we treat family/others and what's not acceptable. He's either going to eat or not eat (and we're both currently losing that battle) but how he talks to you and others, whether hungry or fed, is within his control and his responsibility.
In the meantime, one of my solutions is just leaving the house until he texts me and I talk him through making instant oatmeal via discord.
In the meantime, one of my solutions is just leaving the house until he texts me and I talk him through making instant oatmeal via discord.
scottwilson
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@thecrossingatcypress Omg so sad but so real.
katrina2017
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@scottwilson Oh boy! I have twins who are almost 15 years old. I must say that overall they’re both really good kids, but eating and exercise is a daily struggle that stresses me to my core.
My daughter has sensory issues and will only eat a selective amount of foods. I’m not kidding. If it’s not bread, cheese, or milk chocolate, and on occasion fruit, she’s not eating it. This has been an issue since I started her on baby food. Therapies and other resources have been of no help in this area. The only thing I can do is take her to the doctor to make sure she isn’t vitamin D deficient or anemic, and make her take vitamins.
My son on the other hand will eat anything. He has ADHD and is very forgetful. If I don’t make his food, plate his food, and make him sit and eat his food he just won’t eat. I’ve tried making meals on Sunday that we can eat throughout the week. Things that I can freeze individually so all he has to do is gab it out of the freezer and heat it up. Yet, he just won’t eat the food. He’ll walk around the house in circles, then look in the pantry & fridge 25 times, and claim, “we have nothing to eat”. Yet, there’s breakfast burritos he could heat up. There’s a pot of chili he could warm up. There’s taco meat waiting to be eaten. I bought him some peanuts and cashews to keep in his room, so they’d be right in front of his face. Literally took him to the grocery store to buy them, and yesterday I found them in the pantry. He’s 5’6” and weighs 97 pounds. If he doesn’t gain weight, they’re going to take him off his medication. Then we’re in real big trouble because the medication is the only way he somewhat functions. And no, it’s not the medication causing him not to eat, this has been an issue for the last couple of years.
Parenting teens is a rollercoaster.
My daughter has sensory issues and will only eat a selective amount of foods. I’m not kidding. If it’s not bread, cheese, or milk chocolate, and on occasion fruit, she’s not eating it. This has been an issue since I started her on baby food. Therapies and other resources have been of no help in this area. The only thing I can do is take her to the doctor to make sure she isn’t vitamin D deficient or anemic, and make her take vitamins.
My son on the other hand will eat anything. He has ADHD and is very forgetful. If I don’t make his food, plate his food, and make him sit and eat his food he just won’t eat. I’ve tried making meals on Sunday that we can eat throughout the week. Things that I can freeze individually so all he has to do is gab it out of the freezer and heat it up. Yet, he just won’t eat the food. He’ll walk around the house in circles, then look in the pantry & fridge 25 times, and claim, “we have nothing to eat”. Yet, there’s breakfast burritos he could heat up. There’s a pot of chili he could warm up. There’s taco meat waiting to be eaten. I bought him some peanuts and cashews to keep in his room, so they’d be right in front of his face. Literally took him to the grocery store to buy them, and yesterday I found them in the pantry. He’s 5’6” and weighs 97 pounds. If he doesn’t gain weight, they’re going to take him off his medication. Then we’re in real big trouble because the medication is the only way he somewhat functions. And no, it’s not the medication causing him not to eat, this has been an issue for the last couple of years.
Parenting teens is a rollercoaster.
pastorpontibus
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@scottwilson My 13 year old is like this and because she has a 3 year old brother it’s not quite as maddening as it WILL be when she’s older. She’s lazy and knows she’ll get hungry but then will refuse to make any form of real food. I recently enacted a rule that she needs to eat protein for every meal. So her laziness will eat ramen but then heat up some frozen rotisserie chicken strips to go with it. That works for us. I have no other advice other than that. Hoping as they get older and finally feel the repercussions of their moodiness and actions, they’ll learn.
scottwilson
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@pastorpontibus Yes, this is my hope too, that he will learn- just on someone else and his own experience and not cause me suffering haha but isn’t that what we dream of for all things our teens do to terrorize us. I am so exhausted and frustrated with the hanger.
prodigalheart
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@pastorpontibus 13 is quite young to be cooking proper meals I think?
pastorpontibus
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@prodigalheart Ehhh, I can see your point. I very rarely leave her to her own devices regarding food, but she’s very picky and there are occasions she doesn’t want what I cook. In those moments she’s completely capable of ensuring she eats something nutritious and preparing that herself. I don’t mean cooking from scratch, but heating up leftovers or easy meals I have ready for times she wants to eat something else. She will almost always opt to pick up a bag of chips or a cookie because she doesn’t want to put in the minimal effort of heating something I made previously or making a sandwich that at least has some nutritional value.
jimmccallister
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@scottwilson I would seriously have a conversation with him and your expectations. Like you said he’s 17. Hat are his future goals? School uni? College? Job? At 17 he needs to take better care of himself.
@scottwilson Is there any chance he is ADHD? I have similar issues and my 17 son is diagnosed since he was 13 years old. I’ve learned a lot over these years and it’s hard to parent this, so I feel you, mama!