Weaning sadness

[carrilynn]

@cassidyshay Holy crap, I have so much respect for you.

My LO is only 4 weeks and my supply has always been so low, like 2-5oz/day on a good day. We’ve been supplementing formula since day 5, and I was only able to keep up with triple feeding for a week. It took such a toll on my mental health.

I’m still BFing before offering a bottle, and it’s giving me the satisfaction of being able to provide for my baby while also actually providing for him fully (with formula). Maybe that’s something you could do?

But either way, whatever you decide to do will be the right choice for you and your family. It IS sad to not be able to EBF when that’s what you wanted to do I just keep telling myself that a fed baby is a happy baby, regardless of how he gets his food. And also, a relaxed mama is a good mama. Lack of breastfeeding doesn’t make us any less.

 

[cassidyshay]

@carrilynn Ugh I’m sorry you went through triple feed hell as well! I say all the time it should be a war crime.

I’m so glad what you guys are doing is working for you. I can do that as well, but since she doesn’t transfer well she sometimes gets fussy at the breast, especially when my supply drops. But I’ll try it I think!

I definitely think I need to stop pumping though. Actually seeing less milk coming out is so triggering. I think I’d feel better just letting my supply naturally dry up by just breastfeeding and not really knowing when the last time is.

Ugh I hate hormones!!

 

[carrilynn]

@cassidyshay I had to stop pumping too - I think you’re right about being able to actually see the amount of milk (or lack of) is very triggering. It was killing me to actually see how much I wasn’t able to give him.

I’ve just given in to the idea that my milk might dry up with the way I’m feeding baby, but that’s ok with me. If it happens it happens. I can’t sacrifice my own health & happiness to get 2oz of breast milk a day.

I hope you start to feel better about it soon

 

[cassidyshay]

@carrilynn Wow I’m really proud of you for being able to think so clearly about this in the midst of all the hormonal craziness that early postpartum. Your baby is lucky to have such a sage mumma I really want to get to that point emotionally. I think that’ll br my plan too. I don’t want to know when my last time nursing her is. As for the sadness… kinda seems like the only way out is through. I know it’s in myself and my family’s best interest to stop pumping. Just hard to let go after trying so hard for so long.

 

[carrilynn]

@cassidyshay You’ve done MORE than enough for your baby. And way more than I (or most people honestly) could have done. Your baby is so lucky to have you

 

[cassidyshay]

@carrilynn

 

[katrina2017]

@cassidyshay I don't have much else advice to say on top of the other great comments but I vividly remember washing my pumps for the last time and standing there and saying to myself: no more. I am such a happier mum, I am a better mum and I am far more present than I ever was while breastfeeding and pumping. Give yourself grace, let every feeling that comes to you come through you, let it all out and I really believe when you're on the other side you'll feel so much better. You've worked so hard! I didn't try nearly half as hard as you did, you're such an amazing mum!

 

[cassidyshay]

@katrina2017 Thank you so much and honestly good for you for not doing half of what I did. I maybe should have quit a while ago. At some point I think it came to be less about doing it for her and more for doing it for me and when I realized that, that’s when I knew I had to stop trying to force it. The fact that you were able to see that sooner shows me that you are an amazing mumma yourself

 

[pdxtouge]

@cassidyshay I had to switch at about 3 weeks because my LO was under weight and breastfeeding was honestly taking a horrible toll on my mental health. I have had diagnosed clinical depression, anxiety, and sleep problems my whole life, and the hormones from feeding were harming my mental state. As soon as I stopped, and the hormones were out of my system, I felt a million times better. I felt like my happy, pre pregnancy self again! And now LO is doing amazing, and wearing clothing 4 months bigger than his actual age size. Fed is best. Especially if it saves your mental health or health if your child.

 

[neonbible]

@cassidyshay

My daughter is three months and to say I gave breastfeeding my all is an understatement

Don't loose sight of this right here. You gave it your all! That's what good moms do is try to do the best for their kids!

I was an exclusive pumper never even wanted to try nursing. When I made the decision to stop at 4 months it was due to my daughter's low weight (barely staying on the growth charts) and I wanted my body and time back. I also just had this weird feeling that there was something wrong with my milk. Turns out she has a cow's milk protein allergy so she projectile vomited most formulas and that's also the cause of her low weight gain from EBF. Those first few weeks were terrible where I was trying to find something that worked for her but still kept pumping and trying to cut out as much dairy out of my diet as possible. I knew I couldn't handle the stress of going dairy free on top of what I was going through with also just getting back to a stressful job.
I had absolutely no idea how terrible weaning is physically and emotionally...like no one in my life has ever said anything about it so I was wildly unprepared for that aspect. I also had that guilt about stopping but also had the added guilt about not even every trying to nurse like if I had tried maybe she would have gained weight better or we would have figured out her allergy earlier. But I just had to stick with my plan because me being stressed wasn't helping my partner or my baby and now a month later everything is working out. I'm not so emotional anymore and can say when you're in the thick of it...it's really hard! But for me formula was the best decision I made and little girl is making gains in the weight dept.

 

[cassidyshay]

@neonbible Oh I sooo feel you on wondering about the what ifs!! It’s awful. I drove myself crazy if i think of all the ways we could’ve made other decisions that could’ve helped make it work. I’m so sorry you went through this too but I love to hear that your little one is thriving now and that you’re feeling better. Can’t wait to join you on the other side of all this

 

[miketexas]

@cassidyshay Have you thought about stopping pumping and combination feeding instead? My supply is similar to yours (~24oz a day?) and what we’ve settled on is nursing often with 2-3 top up bottles of formula a day. It means I don’t have to pump and it is so freeing! LO is gaining well and I still can bond through nursing. Not pumping after feeds means my supply won’t increase, but I’m OK with that after a hellish delivery, delayed milk, low supply, and triple feeding for too long.

ETA I also didn’t care about breastfeeding when pregnant. I blame hormones for the innate desire now. I’m also terrified of the hormone shift after weaning hence the combo feeding to prolong breastfeeding until I’m ready to face that hormone storm.