We f***ed up. Ruined sleep trained baby

[srjoanna]

We have a perfect on the clock sleep trained 2 yo. Last week we transitioned him to a floor mattress because he climbed out of the crib. Husband start cuddling with him on the mattress at bed time. Holding his hand until he sleeps (which is about 5-10mins). We thought it couldnt do much harm and oh boy were we wrong.

He now refuses nap time and demand that cuddling time at bed time everything night. We dont mind the night time cuddle but I need sometimes during the day for resting and if I have someone watch him they cant cuddle with him for nap.

We start retraining. Nap day 1 he cried for an hour and didnt sleep. Day 2 cries for half hour and did sleep. Will we be able to retrain only for nap? At night he keeps saying “papa sleep with me” and always about to cry and we couldnt resist.

Im still hating ourselves to ruin our perfect baby who we just put down and walk away

UPDATE: Just in case anyone is in the same situation and want some answers here it is. We kept night cuddles and it has gotten quite bad and night sleep has been affected too. He would wake up in the middle of the night and scream his heart out. Its understandable bc he cuddled to sleep so of course he expected us to be there. We caved and came in to sleep with him. That night none of us was sleeping well due to each other moving. The morning after home boy woke up and was PISSED at the whole world bc of his bad night sleep. He legitimately punched me in the face for no reason, toddlers are tough.

We pulled the trigger and quit cuddling cold turkey and retrained. It was even harder than initial sleep training. But after about 4 days we got our naps and night sleep back. He still throws a fist about bed time and complains but last like 5-10 mins. Hopefully in a few weeks there will be none.

Lesson learned. Cuddles are great. But if you cant do it all the time, best not introduce as a bed time routine. Oh boy that was a rough few weeks

 

[lovelyhipopp]

@srjoanna Your baby feels safe and attached to you. Sometimes that is exhausting and it’s ok to feel that way. Kids are learning how to sleep on their own and changes can be so hard. It might have more to do with the crib switch than the cuddling and they r might just be looking for comfort bc of the change. I would try incorporating more cuddles during wake hours or part of the sleep routine. Remember it’s normal and healthy for LOs to want to be close to parents. Especially before sleep but sleep training IMO is about teaching them to fall asleep on their own and be comfortable that you aren’t too far away even when not in sight.

 

[veni]

@srjoanna We struggled from 2 to 2.5 with naps! Once 2.5 hit my daughter just gave up Naps all together. She would fall asleep randomly from time to time but did well with it overall. And her nights stayed good. At that age we were fine with the nap struggles as long as nights stayed good. Possibly an unpopular opinion, but at this age unless nights were terrible I wouldn't worry. I think nap sleep training a 2 year old will cause LOTS of tears.

 

[snowgirl14]

@srjoanna My daughter went through a 2 year regression and it was absolute HELL. We didn't change anything about her sleeping arrangements, one day she just stopped putting herself to sleep for bed. And then naptimes. It lasted about a month. The crying was SO bad the first week. I would sleep in the recliner in her room but then that stopped working so I just had to go cold turkey. It was awful. No advice, just hugs because it sucks.

 

[srjoanna]

@snowgirl14 Oh gosh a month. Im a little shaky but we are already a week in. I can see it can last for a month and peak at 2 weeks. glad it passed for you. Hopefully our peaceful sleeper will be back

 

[hammermannn]

@srjoanna I wish we only had one baby in sleep regression. Our almost two year old twins are both going through sleep regression.

Our almost one year old twins still don’t sleep through the night .

Trust me - it could be worse lol

 

[srjoanna]

@hammermannn You have 2 twins?? 4 under 4 ? And all in regression ? Oh boy !!!

 

[hammermannn]

@srjoanna I know my comment , as someone else pointed out, isn’t helpful. I wasn’t trying to derail your thread. Trust me . I was thinking more in the context in my brain and didn’t write it all out. So I apologize.

You will work through the sleep regression. We had our twins in a great routine and one twin went to grandmas when I got sick. Since then it’s been off and on again with our sleep routine. As the old adage goes … take it day by day! Maybe your LO needs extra reassurance, and as cumbersome as it can be at times, that’s ok too! It will eventually subside and you’ll be back on track !

 

[hammermannn]

@srjoanna 4 under 2 lol but yeah ! Crazy times.

 

[katrina2017]

@hammermannn How is that helpful?

 

[hammermannn]

@katrina2017 I guess it’s not - was just being wistful I guess

 

[kandc]

@srjoanna I have no advice here. I just wanted to say I have 2 kids. One is 8 years old and doesn't want to cuddle anymore. My other is 8 months old and loves to cuddle. You didn't ruin your baby and please try to enjoy the cuddles. They won't want them forever. Obviously, you don't have to cuddle all the time and need to get back on a schedule, but I wouldn't cut them all out. It's a good thing to be affectionate

 

[srjoanna]

@kandc Oh I love bed time cuddles. I just cant do nap time bc when he has a care taker they wont do that

 

[kristinh]

@srjoanna My son needs me in his bed to fall asleep at night or nap but literally takes himself to a bed for nap time at daycare so it’s not necessarily a problem if he needs it from you. He might be fine with someone else doing it differently.

 

[alex888]

@srjoanna Put baby down to bed in baby safe room and walk away... Outside if you need to.

I was never into CIO, but have done it out of desperation recently.

Should have done it sooner!

 

[crazyboutchrist]

@alex888 Same. I think babies CAN be spoiled. So out of desperation we did cry it out and we’ve all been getting more sleep

 

[alex888]

@crazyboutchrist And after one year, they understand "no" & many more things too.

 

[srjoanna]

@alex888 Ahh we dis ferber when he was 4 months. Once in a while he would have a regression and it would last for a week or 2. I just got soft over the years bc he hasnt cried for so long

 

[southernmama]

@srjoanna Same thing happened to us. We had the best independent sleeper and then we had to replace the floor in his room so we decided to switch to big bed and then we slept with him and now.... He's an almost 9 year old who I sleep with every night and an almost 5 year old brother who we coslept with pretty much his whole life. I was that mom who was always on a schedule with my first and sleep trained as soon as I could and was rigid to that schedule and he needed that and it worked. And then.... Well I don't know what happened. I do miss those independent sleep nights but I'm also learning to enjoy cosleeping. It's such a weird thing. Never thought I'd ever cosleep and here we are now.

 

[gllg212]

@srjoanna I just want to say, the same exact situation happened to us and our 2 year old. It was a horrible time, we both said it was the worst part of our parenting career thus far. But it DOES pass. He and I slept apart every night for 2 months, but it eventually resolved itself. And so effortlessly that it pissed us off even more that we had to endure 2 months of hell lol. I’m sure it’s not super comforting right now because you’re in the thick of it, and my heart really hurts for you knowing the pain I personally was in. But you never know when your toddler’s brain is going to just click. Big hugs to you!!