We can’t bed share because my baby is formula fed? Explain

[jameslaurich]

@chenml60 You are the expert on how you mother your baby, and I believe that you’re capable of making these decisions! If you feel in your gut you want to do one thing and there’s no other mother on the planet or Reddit doing that thing, I want you to trust yourself to do that thing. If you’re worried about it enough that you’re posting here to get advice, I have no worries about the safety of your baby. You are the expert and I believe in you.

 

[chenml60]

@jameslaurich Thank you so much! I’m trying so hard to keep baby happy and healthy.

 

[gell]

@chenml60 I breast fed, and cosleep. BUT i used a sleeper thing we call the POD, until baby was able to roll and sit up on her own. It put her on a separate sleep surface that was like elevated. This kept our blankets away, and removed to possibility of her rolling under me. Her shoulders were in line with my head.

I think if i remember from the Meta Data studies, there is nothing that says breastfeeding exclusively makes safer co-sleeping. BUT the studies show that breast fed babies “in general” are at lower risk of SIDS. And all babies sleeping in the same room as the parents, on a separate sleep surface “in general”, are at lower risk of SIDS from babies sleeping in a separate room.

The main co-sleeping SIDS risks are unsafe sleeping surfaces like couches, chairs, blankets, pillows, and other children; AS WELL AS a parent intoxicated. Drug use is the main factor in creating unsafe sleeping for babies with wasted passed out parents. Second being on a couch, arm chair, rocking chair etc and babe slips between the cushions getting trapped.

All this to say, the “safe seven” is just a guideline, not a guarantee, and you must use your own discernment.

 

[chenml60]

@gell I’m already a leg up being that I am completely drug and alcohol free. But I was accidentally falling asleep on the couch and rocking chair which, to me, is much more unsafe than intentional bed sharing. So unfortunately I had to pick my poison.

 

[rlp21858]

@chenml60 It’s not just to you, it is factual. Accidentally falling asleep- even in an upright position, is extremely dangerous. Better to be intentional about it and aware of risks and how to mitigate them, than to be too sleep deprived to be safe around your child.

I always heard the reason breastfeeding is safer for Cosleeping is because moms hormones make it easier for her to wake up. This was definitely true for me, especially any night we bed shared out of desperation. I would sleep much lighter when my son was close.

My partner didn’t want to bed share because we usually sleep with our cats and dog, and any night the baby was with us they had to be locked out. I started pumping and my husband has helped with night wake-up’s since our baby was 6 weeks old- he’s now 18 months. This kid LOVES his crib and even when I try and get him to snuggle with me for a nap or early in the morning he just can’t fall asleep if he doesn’t have his space. his dad and I still take turns/shifts in the middle of the night.

 

[chenml60]

@rlp21858 My thinking exactly. For medical reasons, my husband can’t do night shifts so I have been in the nursery in a twin bed right next to the bassinet since day one. If I could have kept breast feeding, I definitely would have. Even so, any little wiggle or noise from him wakes me up, so I’m not nervous about sleeping too deeply.

 

[gell]

@rlp21858 I never heard about breast feeding creating lighter sleep. But i have heard that the mother Infant Dyad is more synchronized when breast feeding. So the hormones get in a rhythm with the feeding schedule, so her wake up times are synced with the babies wake/feed cycles

 

[danmat777]

@chenml60 I didn’t even know about the safe sleep 7 when I coslept with my daughter. She was exclusively formula fed

 

[meki]

@chenml60 Okay so my baby is breastfed but we don’t feed doing side laying position. My boobs melt into the bed so he can’t latch anyways. Here is how we sleep.

Baby and I basically sleep nose to nose. I have a big warm light blanket folded in half at the bottom of the bed to cover me up to my hips.

I wear wool socks, a nursing top, thick joggers and an open cardigan to sleep.

Baby sleeps in footy pyjamas with a bamboo muslin sleep sack that doesn’t have arms.

When he wakes up hungry I sit up with my back against the wall and hold him to nurse him then I lay him back down on his side and assume the position.

I have a square pillow and that’s it. It allows me to sort of sleep in the cuddle curl position so I know when he moves so I can wake up.

We are in a floor bed.

It sounds like you know all the rules. Obviously there are necessary tweaks we have to make that aren’t part of the rules. You do what you feel is safe enough for you and baby.

 

[chenml60]

@meki Thank you for explaining your process!

 

[meki]

@chenml60 I hope it gives you comfort that you’re doing the right thing.

 

[outofplace_christian]

@chenml60 It’s more about the sleeping in the c shape cuddle to protect baby. I can’t breastfeed due to hypoplasia, but she still recognizes the breast and instinctually rests on it. She does the same with my husband when they cuddle (though without the boob, he does the c shape too). She now sleeps better in the bassinet than bed sharing, but unless your baby is totally unfamiliar with what a nipple looks and smells like, he will instinctively hang out at chest level

 

[katrina2017]

@chenml60 I’ve been bedsharing with my son since he was about 4 or 5 weeks old. I was adamant I’d never bedshare until I became a 100% single mom to a baby who didn’t sleep well unless he was touching me. I started falling asleep sitting upright with him in my arms and couldn’t remember dozing off. I came to the same conclusions you did — that at a certain point, it was more dangerous for me to be so sleep-deprived.

I breast feed, and I do follow the safe sleep 7. I agree it’s a risk mitigation strategy. The recommendation that bedsharing mothers breast feed is based on research into the sleep of breastfeeding babies and mothers that has shown alterations in their sleep patterns that arguably makes bedsharing safer. That being said, every mom and baby pair is different, and there are breastfeeding moms who would be riskier to bedshare than some formula feeding moms. You are the only one who knows every detail of your situation in order to make a risk assessment.

As for the other stuff:

-he sleeps about the level of my breast under my bent arm, which I use as a pillow; that’s just what works for us

-I wear leggings/sweats/pajama bottoms and some kind of nursing sweater or sweatshirt. I don’t wear socks because I hate sleeping in socks, but I have a blanket over my lower legs.

-he wears a short sleeve onesie and a sleep sack right now, because the nursery is cold at night

-I got a thin firm floor mattress for bedsharing to ensure no falls

 

[kolibri]

@chenml60 I co-slept with my son(34wk 5lb 6oz) at 5 weeks, and he was bottle fed from birth. I swore up and down I wouldn't co-sleep, but I needed any reprieve that I could get honestly judgment be damned. He was 6wks early, spent 3 wks in nicu, 2 days after coming home my husband caught covid and had to use his 1 week vacation for that instead of paternity leave which meant just 24/7 mommy/bubs for 2 weeks per his drs orders( hubs could go back to work as normal once cleared but because son was preterm they said 2 weeks seperation). I was so sleep deprived because bubs just wouldn't sleep alone, and I had no backup because my husband works overnight. I didn't/don't smoke or drink, and I wake super easily when it's me and him, so I had to do what would make us both survive.

You have to do what works for you.

 

[alexfrankone]

@kolibri My mum co slept with me from 12 days old, born at 3lb 6oz at 30 weeks (planned, it's a long story) she was a single parent and was formula feeding every 2 hours with absolutely no wriggle room on the schedule, she said it was either co sleep or no sleep. You gotta do what it takes to survive.

 

[chenml60]

@kolibri Sort of similar to my situation! I also swore I wouldn’t co-sleep, and I didn’t need to for the first 5 weeks but then life happened. My husband works and has to have a full night’s sleep in order to drive safely to/from work and actually do his job well, so he’s only been able to take over and give me a few hours of sleep a day. I was becoming desperate and so scared that I would drop my babe. I did what I had to and wish I didn’t have to but here we are.

 

[kolibri]

@chenml60 Now that we've been doing this for almost a year, I don't regret it. I regret how shamed co-sleeping is as an american and how little we are taught without having to scour google for the information instead of our health providers helping us make informed decisions. Sometimes, I find myself awake at 1 a.m., even when he is still fast asleep, I just check on him, and he is just so beautiful when he sleeps.

 

[chenml60]

@kolibri Right! Exactly how I feel, especially because of how many moms I know who do this and just don’t advertise it.

 

[brightmoon]

@chenml60 call me crazy but i'm 100% positive that tons of our parents who raised us bedshared and exclusively formula fed (EFF). with that said, there was and still continues to be a risk when bedsharing. as previous users have mentioned, it's all about considering your situation and what works for you. for me, my baby refused to sleep in the bassinet from the first week. me and my husband tried taking shifts but it wasn't sustainable. after we started bedsharing, we became people again. the sleep deprivation was intense and i don't think we would be sane if we weren't bedsharing. with that said, my husband is too heavy of a sleep to bedshare with our baby so he can only sleep next to me.

my baby will be 13 weeks tomorrow and has been EFF for the last month. i also tried combo feeding but never produced enough breast milk, it was stressing me out. baby sleeps in footy pajamas that are long sleeved and a sleep sack. he doesn't get overheated at night. i use a blanket that's always below my hips, baby goes on top of the blanket so that it's nowhere near his face. i live in CA where it's not that cold yet, gets around 50F at night, so a sweater for my upper body works.

we were chest sleeping for 2 months and he's just now transitioning to being able to sleep next to me in C curl position.

 

[chenml60]

@brightmoon Same with me and my husband so I’ve been in the nursery. I’m also in California but I just run cold. Even on the hottest summer nights, I still need a light blanket to feel comfortable.