Update: The message I sent my therapist. This was hard for me to do, but thank y'all for giving me the courage. ♥️

[djseb]

Previous post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/parentsofmultiples/s/qWPm5ZC2NX

“I have been having some anxious thoughts about last week and I didn't know what to say to express my feelings. But, essentially, I felt a little unsupported when I shared that the twins were formula-fed, even after I talked about how it was important for my mental health/being a better mama. Your comment about me feeding them chemicals has not stopped replaying in my head, and has resolidified existing feelings of guilt. I admire your knowledge of holistic medicine, but that isn't something I am familiar with and I don't want to feel judged for that. This whole thing has been messing with me, mentally, so I needed to say something in hopes of regaining some sort of appetite and semblance of peace.”

 

[j185]

@djseb YOU GO GIRL! What she said was inappropriate! She can believe whatever she wants, but her OPINION isn’t part of your treatment plan. It’s actually the opposite of what you needed. She needs to refresh her boundaries and get her head in the game trying to help you feel LESS crummy about motherhood. I’m so glad you sent that!

 

[djseb]

@j185 Your support means so, so much to me. Thank you!

 

[davidasj7]

@djseb I can’t believe that a THERAPIST- someone supposed to support your mental health and wellbeing would tell you something that would negatively impact your mental health. Great job standing up for yourself and all parents who chose to formula feed! I hope you are able to find a therapist who is actually able to support you!

 

[djseb]

@davidasj7 Thank you!

 

[garwo123]

@djseb This is very well written. That's something I've found after our multiples (18mo trips mmf, + 7yo and 5yo). I've had to reinforce my boundaries more than I can ever remember doing prior.

 

[djseb]

@garwo123 Whew! It has been a challenge for me as well, but it's so necessary.

 

[mttyhu]

@djseb That is an excellent response.

Just wanted to chime in that my twins were formula fed, as my wife was having issues breastfeeding also. They are super healthy and at the top of charts for height and weight, cause they were fed properly. And that's all that matters.

 

[djseb]

@mttyhu Thank you!

 

[littlelisama]

@djseb Great message! Succinct but gets the point across and even cordial. Proud of you and hope getting it off your chest helps you!

 

[djseb]

@littlelisama Thank you!

 

[hmseej]

@djseb I had so much shame about not breastfeeding my twins. They wouldn’t latch, I pumped. I couldn’t get enough milk so I had to supplement. I did this for a month and I got mastitis. I finally decided that it was mommy in a mental institution or formula. Stopping breastfeeding was the best thing i did. I felt like I could breathe. I was feeling guilty and I my OBGYN told me her mother didn’t breastfeed and she had gone to Stanford so I didn’t need to worry about. I felt so much less shame. I cant imagine a therapist saying that to a new mother.
If I had my time back I wouldn’t even have tried to breastfeed or would have quit as soon as it wasn’t working.

 

[djseb]

@hmseej Thank you for your support!

 

[tiffy209]

@djseb My son ended up dehydrated for TWO DAYS in the hospital because I’d had it drummed into me that breast is best’ and he wasn’t latching and getting any. Midwives kept telling me it was fine and to keep trying. I had to turn to formula to save his life. I later learned babies have actually died that way because they have pushed this crap so hard so don’t you feel one shred of guilt for doing what is BEST for your babies.

 

[djseb]

@tiffy209 Thank you! I am so glad formula helped your baby, too!

 

[xuxu]

@djseb Her reply to this will tell you everything you need to know about whether you two will be able to work together moving forward. If she’s the least bit defensive or doubles down at all… bye!

 

[djseb]

@xuxu You're so right! She apologized for her lack of sensitivity and wants to continue the conversation during our session later this week.

 

[preston354]

@djseb Becoming a mom is what helped me learn how to advocate for myself and for my kids. Fed is best! I do hope this therapist listens to you and changes their attitude

 

[djseb]

@preston354 Thank you!

 

[justyna]

@djseb Well done for saying something.