Triple feeding to EFF: I need help, both strategies and emotionally…

[zackoftheshire]

@zofran My little one was born 3 months early. I wanted so so badly to be able to breastfeed him and felt like a failure because I couldn't. So I know what you mean with the emotional struggle. I exclusively pumped and he was tube fed until he was old enough to start trying bottles. It was a HUGE relief when he had to be switched to a thickened formula because I was so over the constant pumping and getting just barely enough for his feeding. My supply was dwindling and I knew I wasn't going to be able to keep up, I was desperate. Being told that he couldn't take my milk by mouth and needed the formula made me feel 1000% less guilty about quitting even though I knew that I would have quit at the same time anyways, so I had an out. It has been the best decision for both of us. I got so much time back not being tied to the pump 24/7 and he has gained weight so beautifully, he is almost the same size as full term babies his age. In the end I realized that I had to do what was best for my baby. You hear so much of this breast is best nonsense and it's discouraging. Breast is not best for so so many babies and moms. Fed is best and you'll have a happier healthier baby and mom all around. You've recognized that the journey you hoped for and expected isn't necessarily the best option for the two of you and that is 100% ok. A healthy, sane mom is what is best for that little one.

 

[zofran]

@zackoftheshire Thanks so much for sharing your story and your feelings about it all.

 

[zofran]

@zackoftheshire To say it’s not the journey I hoped for or expected is an understatement. I’m so happy your LO is gaining well and so healthy! I’m excited for that to be my LO too. I just hope my emotionally lizard brain will believe it too and let me stop subjecting myself to the pumping and constant feeding anxiety. Sanity is key! Gah.

 

[folkie]

@zofran I did triple feeds for two weeks and then stopped, it was insane.

Second, cold bottles are totally fine AND easier to switch to milk when they are a year!

 

[zofran]

@folkie Maybe I can get her on cold ones over time, make my life so much easier. Just another thing I regret not doing when I started bottles, gah!

 

[folkie]

@zofran My first kid had warm bottles so we had to warm the milk for the first few months, it was such a pain. Second kid got cold formula right away and has been fine with it!

 

[android17ak47]

@zofran Awww it sounds like such a rough journey! You have every right to continue feeding however you want! I know the grief of feeling like I was giving up. It is safer to drop one feed at a time and wait about a week to give your body time to adjust. Mastitis is a bitch. In waiting for your body to adjust, you might find a new equilibrium! Combo feeding is a thing, if it works for you. I actually decided to “wean” from breastfeeding around 3 months and was able to keep going combo feeding until 10.5 months! I wasn’t expecting how much better I would feel once I stopped focusing on my supply, and dropped enough feeds/pumps that I didn’t feel like my life revolved around breastfeeding. Every time it felt like a chore, I would drop a pump for a day and see how it made me feel. I actually stayed on 4 removals per day for a long time because it was a happy medium for me. My husband also did all the night feeds!

 

[zofran]

@android17ak47 Wow! I was hoping for some kind of balance but I don’t know if it will happen… last time around combo feeding was affected by the tongue tie so maybe the transition will be easier. I’ll have to see where it goes but part of me wants my body back altogether. But they say milk is strongest in the night so maybe that will stay and I could do no nursing daytime at all to avoid the nursing shirts! I’ll see if I can do it with less stress otherwise it’s EFF for us! Thanks for this perspective.

 

[katrina2017]

@zofran I went from breast feeding to ebf+formula top ups then to fully formula fed. Breast feeding only lasted a few days. Terrible latch, wasn't staying on for more than 2 minutes, and I couldn't see her top lip (it was folded in) - at this point I didn't know about lip tie! Only found out about it when she was about 3.5 months old!!

Anyways, breast feeding only lasted a few days only because she was born 5lb 2oz, 4 weeks early and then lost weight down to 4lb 5oz over a few days. I needed to get her weight up in order to avoid the NICU. I decided to express what I could and then top up the amount she needed with formula (so if she needed 60ml and I only managed to pump 30ml, I would give her the 30ml breast milk and then get an extra 30ml formula)

That lasted until she was 6/7 weeks old because of PPD. My mental health was absolutely dreadful to the point I just wanted to..get up and disappear. I was angry, I cried every single day, we battled with reflux, my mum wasnt helping with constantly being upset that we wouldn't go see her or invite her up to ours. I was really just wanting to get up and go at that point.

I actually started making the decision of wanting to stop ebf+top ups around 4/5 weeks. Which just made my mental health worse. I kept going because I just really wanted her to have breast milk, it didn't matter how much, just as long as there was at least a drop. I didnt want to "give up" or "quit" but I knew it'd be best for myself and LO. It also REALLY helped that I knew exactly how much she's taking in a day, it really puts my mind at ease (I'm a freak when it comes to taking notes, I find any excuse in order to get organising apps, calanders, etc)

Shes nearly 4.5 months now. I don't feel guilty about stopping EBF, I did within the first few days, but in those first few days my mood SHOT up, my only struggle, again, was reflux. But besides that, I just loved seeing her grow and gain weight steadily. She's always been on the 9th percentile, she's following that line steadily.

Its recommended to ease yourself off pumping in order to prevent mastitis etc, but I stopped cold turkey (before knowing about the easing to prevent) I think I just got lucky without developing any lumps n bumps

So do maybe stop if your mental health is bad. You may feel guilty, but it'll pass when your LO gets older!

For me, personally, I dont regret my decision at all! My baby is happy, I'm happy, my partners happy, my neighbours happy! Am I annoyed that I couldve sorted out her latch and continued breast feeding very early on if I noticed it? Absolutely. Do I get slightly jealous that other mums are breast feeding and im formula feeding? Only a little bit, but what matters is that my baby is getting what she needs! As long as she stays happy, I'll stay happy!

 

[zofran]

@katrina2017 It really is that mom guilt isn’t it? I should have called a lactation consultant earlier, pushed harder on the weight gain worry when no one listened, inside of supplementing trying power pumping at 6 weeks, etc etc etc… I wish I didn’t feel so guilty for not fixing it sooner or knowing what I know now. It’s been so hard to commit and “give up” as you say. But you’re right, I really will be so much happier… I find myself hitting numb much more often, holding a shrieking baby who won’t setlle or take a bottle and I have no idea what she’s pulled from my breast so I can’t even properly supplement. Thanks for your sharing!

 

[orthoserf]

@zofran Sorry for the novel. Tl:dr: you’re a good mom who deserves a break and your kid will be great on EFF - from experience 4 years out.

I can’t address the how to as my milk literally never came in. No amount of pumping helped and we were EFF by like 1 or 2 weeks old, somewhere in there. What I can address is the emotions because I felt extremely similar to what you wrote.

First thing is first: fed truly is best! I have read nightmare stories of moms who never switched to formula when they should have and it’s very upsetting. I do not suggest reading them now. But in general, it’s a reminder that switching can be the right thing for your child!

You’ve already given her all the good parts of breastfeeding that they tout: like how the first few weeks transfers immunities etc. Also, you’re getting closer and closer to introducing solids. Not 100% how it relates but it feels like a natural transition time to me.

Finally, my daughter is about to be 4. When I stand in her little classroom and see all her little friends, I have no idea who was EBF or FF or combo. None. My kid is already starting to recognize words and knows her numbers and shows a strong interest in STEM. She is no different from any other kid. FF saved her and my life. It was a bummer, yes, watching my SIL EFF her son who’s the same age - she made it look effortless. But her journey isn’t mine. My nephew isn’t my daughter. But they’re both happy, healthy, loved kids.

Formula feeding gets a bad rap because of some shady crap companies pulled decades ago in developing areas with limited access to clean water. If you are in an area with clean water, then formula is a literal miracle! Sometime I even think about how scary my life would have been without it- how would I have fed my child?

You are doing your best - for you and your child - there is ZERO shame. You’re a good mom who’s working mad over time and deserve a break. Let yourself. I wish you an easy transition and lots of joyous times with your child and family ahead.

 

[zofran]

@orthoserf Thank you so much for your pep talk!!! I was always so indifferent about it prep-baby and now I’m just emotionally dragging us through crap! You’re so right. I’ll have to keep looking back and this and the other comments as I stay the course.