Single father of 4 (3, 5, 6, and 9), and my youngest cries for mommy every time she’s disciplined, even though she left when she was only 6 mos

[bpoluden]

@noochandthegoodbook I think every person that goes through a discomfort calls for their mother! I stubbed my toe this morning and called for my mum even thought I’m 25!

I think your child needs comforting more than anything, you shouldn’t take it personally but most children will call for their mother. The fact that she barely knew her and wants her breaks my heart. I don’t disagree with discipline but it would help to talk to your daughter and understand what she is going through rather than feeling anger.

 

[tanyagomes]

@noochandthegoodbook My nephew still cries for his mother when my brother disciplines him and he just turned seven, she hasn’t been in his life since he was two weeks old and she unfortunately committed suicide, he cries for her when he’s upset with his dad, or occasionally when things just don’t go his way. Somehow I doubt it’ll stop anytime soon, all she has is you, and what she thinks her mother could have been like in a certain situation, either would have given in to her or wouldn’t have reacted the same way, and so of course she cries for her because all she has is a preconceived ideal mom she’s likely built up in her head based on tv moms and the mother of her friends/peers, I have absolutely no doubt that it’s extremely upsetting for you both, but she has no other ways to react at her age, continuously reminding her when she does this that you’re sorry, but mommy isn’t here, I am, I love you, and so did she but she’d say/do the same thing is what you can do

 

[damarisbelieves]

@noochandthegoodbook I’d guess that kid is smart. She sees that it triggers an emotional reaction and when they are in trouble they are sad and want to share the feeling. Stop showing any reaction to it. Like she was speaking another language. And you don’t even know what she is saying. Don’t react. That’s a goal seeking behavior. She can upset ya with it. You can take back the power by acting.

 

[maximum7]

@noochandthegoodbook I’m a single father of a 5 year old girl and my daughter has done the same thing for the last 2 years. Hopefully someone gives you an answer here I can read as well.

 

[cb1985]

@noochandthegoodbook If it’s any consolation, I used to cry for my grandma when my mom disciplined me and I didn’t have any special attachment to my grandma. I think sometimes kids just cry out for ‘help’ from a maternal figure they feel would help them, even if that person isn’t there (And they especially don’t want you because you ‘caused’ their pain.) Try to reassure her that you don’t like to be ‘the bad guy’.

At the same time, it must be tough on you to control your own emotions without someone to take over when you need a break. Do your best to keep your cool with her and not blow up or say something you regret (ex “well, mommy’s not here so too bad!”)

 

[kh7777]

@noochandthegoodbook My daughter was 2.5 when her dad died from a heroin overdose. She used to cry for him and say she missed him up until she was 5ish (now almost 7) even though he was always in and out of her life and never contributed much. It used to drive me nuts.

She would say things like she missed when he would take her to the park which never made sense because he was not allowed to take her places as I had full custody always. It was then I realized she was basing it all off pictures she would see and not actual memories. I started asking her what she remembered and missed and everything she said was from pictures I knew she had seen at his parents house (pictures of him at a park that I invited him to with us once, Christmas when she was a baby etc). She would invent stories to go along with the photos. She wanted to have a dad like all of her friend so she fed off of the photos.

I then took down all pictures we had of him. I put them in a photo album instead of being actively displayed because it became an every day occurrence for her to cry for him. She can look at the photo album whenever she wants but it’s no longer displayed in her face every day.

I’ve since married someone else and she’s almost 7. She refers to my husband as her dad and her biological father by his name. She really has no real recollection of her biological father. Once she gets older she will want to know. But it’s too much for a kid to grasp.

My feeling is sometimes blasting a deceased persons memory/face everywhere does more harm than good. It did for us. I think for you, time will be the ultimate factor. Just know that it may be more of the idea of “mom” that she’s grabbing for and not actually her mom.