@awesome777yay Fuck no you don’t call CPS. Are you nuts? There’s a fine line between being a shitty parent & an abusive / negligent one. I have a child. They whine for food sometimes when they aren’t even hungry.
In terms of your friend’s dating choices? It’s really none of your business. She can date who she wants. She doesn’t forfeit her right to be a mother simply because you don’t approve of all her life decisions. She also doesn’t have to meet the bar of “best mom ever” to be a mother either.
It doesn’t matter if the kids say they’re hungry. Are they actually malnourished? Do they look emaciated? Is she not living somewhere that has adequate heating, running water or food anywhere for them to eat? Is the guy she’s dating coming over and molesting, raping, beating or otherwise harming the children or putting them in immediate danger of being harmed? Read the word “immediate” carefully because it’s different from “potential” or “possible” or “probably”.
As far as the emotional neglect goes - CPS won’t even follow up on something like that. They got real shit to deal with. My advice would be to not be so judgmental & give your friend a break. We can’t all be perfect all the time.
@awesome777yay Cps is for abused and neglected kids. You didn't really mention any specific abuse or neglect. Not to say there isn't any but I didn't find any red flags in this post besides sounding like she's a shitty mom. Are the kids underweight? Is there food and formula? That's what cps will look at. Either way you can call in an anonymous report and let them decide
@pope66 She literally did mention neglect?? And she said there was no food in the fridge?? You don't see any red flags here?? This whole situation is a red flag!
@awesome777yay Lots of pedos take advantage of single moms with kids, especially with daughters (SA). Her dating right away and her neglectful parenting is a major RED FLAG. Keep an eye out for her kids
@thenomad No, I'm not sure exactly how to reach them unfortunately. She doesn't have a very good relationship with her parents and is rebellious against them.
@awesome777yay CPS is like conjuring a demon. A wildly corrupt one Trust me it could be way worse for the kids and you would regret if they got removed. Be the light for the kids. take food from a pantry. Find preschools, free programs in your area. The kids will get to school age and then the government is involved like or not. I would give anything for a best friend that cares. People in her position feel hopeless. One day at a time.
@awesome777yay So when you talked to her did you ask her how she felt her life is going? Or how she is feeling? Or did you just talk about her kids? I would legit sit this girl down and have a true heart to heart and what i mean is not putting your worries and views on her, i mean sitting down and asking her what her realities are. Get deep. She clearly has a lot going on that she might not even realize and yet maybe she does but no one has stopped to ask her about her, they only tell her what shes doing wrong and/or from the sounds of it abandons her. Idk, its touchy because everyone operates different and some ppl need harsh realities to punch them in the face before they come to and want to change and other just need someone to actually listen to them and prove to them that they are there for them. But i would try absolutely EVERY avenue before pulling the cps trigger for sure, unless the kids are in reaaaaal danger and neglect.
@awesome777yay Yeah call . They will investigate. Your not supposed to investigate but you are supposed to call, as a citizen, if something may need checked out
@awesome777yay It sounds like your friend is in a tailspin. If the kids are in a dirty environment and not getting fed as they need to, than calling CPS might be appropriate.
Keep in mind that CPS’s ideal outcome is to help parents do better. Having CPS step in might be what your friend needs to get her act together. If they find that she isn’t being the parent her children need, they’ll recommend steps she needs to take or programs she can participate in. It could be that this will get your friend some counseling and some coaching, and get her in a better mindset to be a parent.
@mahashivara No be a friend? Some people need help and won’t ask for it cps is the worst take your child away and have them from home to home maybe hold her hand threw so stuff. She sounds like she’s going through a heart break and mom’s usually just want a males attention. I’ve been here and wish someone would have just be honest with me and help me when I don’t ask for it. If she’s been in abusive relationships then all she might know is someone being in control. DO NOT CALL CPS unless children are in harm or not healthy.
@awesome777yay Talk to her before you call CPS .. I have a 3 year old and that girl is always saying she’s hungry, even though I feed her multiple times per day.
About the bugs: Her house might not be caulked properly so maybe bugs are creeping in that way. I live in Texas so I randomly get scorpions etc in my house ( even though I deep clean every week and have regular pest control ).
I’m just trying to play devils advocate. It sounds like she hasn’t really had anyone stable in her life and that she needs you to lift her up. Have a serious discussion and go from there. Maybe take her to a food bank to stock up.
I was in a very abusive relationship with my daughter’s dad also and I had very bad depression afterwards. I use the gym as a healthy mental escape. Persuade her to join a gym that has a daycare to create a healthier mental escape from being a full time mom. That alone should help her depression and give her more energy.
@awesome777yay You could call CPS. But honestly they might not do anything. And then it will ruin your relationship with her and she may never talk to you again or you won’t be allowed to have a relationship with her children. I’m saying this from experience. I called CPS on my best friend, now 8 years ago. She hasn’t spoke to me since and nothing happened. CPS didn’t do anything. She was living with a guy she just met online who was scary, extremely scary. We went to dollar tree and Burger King for 30/45 mins and he demanded receipts to know what time we went to both places. BK didn’t give receipt. And because we didn’t have it, he said I took her out to “cheat” on him, even tho we had a bag of food and drinks. He walked out waving a hand gun. When they went to the back bedroom to talk I snuck out and left bc I was afraid of what he might do and at the time she was living there with her 3 yo son. She married him not long after that…. The house was dirty too, I was there to help her clean, why we went to dollar tree, I found a knife that you would cut a deer with in her sons bedroom, he didn’t even have a bed, but a few blankets on the floor.. and they had pills on the kitchen floor just left around. While her son just roams around. To get him to listen her bf would put on a scary mask and literally terrify him. And CPS didn’t do anything at all…. Now to this day she is no longer with him and doing better for herself and her son. I regret calling bc it ruined our friendship and nothing happened, or changed and until she changed it herself. She continued to live with him, with her son until then.
So I say you just be there for her children, or ask her if you can take them off her hands. Otherwise they may not even have you to check on anymore. And sounds like they have needed you when you have been there.
Just my two cents from experience. But do what you think is best.
@awesome777yay No you shouldn’t call CPS. You should offer to help her if that’s your best friend. She clearly needs mental help and support. Being a single mom is hard and her priorities are definitely messed up. Where are the grandparents? I feel like with situations like this, that’s usually what ends up happening. The grandparents would raise the children. If that’s not an option. I’d just be blunt with her, but that’s just my personality. I’d tell her the apartment is trashed. Her priorities are messed up and if she doesn’t want her kids to be taken away then she needs to get help. If that was my best friend I’d tell her she needs to get her shit together and offer all the help/resources that I could. Clearly being gentle with her hasn’t helped.
@awesome777yay CPS is the last call you should ever make. Family. Friends. Intervention. She is unwell and needs a support network and gentle pushing toward therapy and DV pattern changing classes. CPS is possibly one of the most useless and harmful programs in the entire US. Even the IRS is less harmful and operates by policies and procedures. CPS is the equivalent of rogue police officers. The caseworkers are usually barely qualified or just graduated college or have been working there so long they are jaded. The workers investigate, form a personal opinion based on their investigation and declare their perceptions as fact. They also have immunity from prosecution. So if one of them lies, and it is discovered, there is absolutely nothing that can be done for civil recompense. Oh and the federal government has a subsidy program that essentially rewards the state CPS agencies money TO PLACE the child outside of the home. At one point states were collecting approx 100K per child they removed from the home. IT PAYS TO FOSTER OUT OR ADOPT OUT. Bottom line- you say she’s your friend and that the neglect issue is new following the end of what is essentially a trauma. Approach the situation with the mindset that you want your friend’s family unit to be healed. Mom and the kids in a better environment. This will not happen via CPS. II could go on and on with cases where this “supportive and helpful, but what about the children” agency caused by far more harm than what the child was in in the first place. New Jersey had to do a rebranding of their department. It used to be called DYFS - Division of Youth and Family Services. After some horrific events where children ended up placed in foster care and wound up missing or dead- the agency changed names to DCP&P. Division of Child Protection and Permanency. Permanency equivalent? How do we help this child find their forever home. This isn’t the only state where these tragic and horrible events have happened. Please. Please just try an intervention first.
@awesome777yay I being a now single mother of 5! Yes I said 5 (but not that I owe an explanation to but to help relate to the above scenario) 3 are from my ex husband of 12 years (ages 18-15) and my youngest two are from my now ex boyfriend of 12 years ages 5 & 8. As of October 2022 if you have made multiple sincere honest attempts to talk to you friend and her immediate and I use that cautiously ) but someone who she can fully 100% trust with her kids and their intention is solely on helping her fix the issues she has with codependency and the trauma bonds and self love and respect issues she has then I would say yes please call cps. And I tell everyone unless it is a last ditch attempt to save someone do not ever call CPS. Unless they have a signed warrant in their hand and you see it read it and its real do not ever even talk to them!!! Anyways I am and have been fighting my arse off for the last three years fighting the system which has failed me and my children all 5 of them to regain custody of my younger two!!!! I have full sole custody 100% legal and 100% physical custody of my three older children. Granted and given back to me by CPS same office same county just a different regional manager yet the refuse to even allow me to see my younger children because they claim I am (now remember unproven, no charges filed, no confirmation of any all hearsay , no verifications via medicals t Drs. terapist or psy drs ,( just two mad hateful unhappy women who were jealous even though married to someone else at the time over a guy). (Long story short sorry for the run on) part of their claim was true. The domestic violence which I enduring infront of my children should of been stopped by myself long ago. Long long ago! I was so wrapped up in what will make him happy, and what will make him stay, or come back depending on where he was at the moment, but it consumed me. If we were living separate I was doing everything in my power to get him home. I stopped reading to my children, I stopped interreacting with my children, I found myself pushing tv phones tablets on my children so I could have time alone with my phone to try and "FIX" whatever he had come with for the week that I had done wrong. I missed out on sooooooooooooooooooooooo much bonding time, that special time when my children were young all of them because I was so far up his ass I didn't know his shit from mine! Excuse the language. I didn't even see the verbal, or mental abuse which I was enduring. For years my family begged me to leave him and every time he knocked on my door I held it open. Even with my older children begging me to not let him back in. If you have exhausted every attempt and no one will help you help her and she just cant see the situation as it really is then yes this is what CPS was designed to do. To help children who are being abused, neglected, abandoned. Then yes I would call them myself as well. Those babies didn't ask to be here they didn't get to choose their mom or their dad but that mom and dad decided to bring them into this world and ITS THEIR JOB to care for them and provide for them and that includes loving them and spending time doing what's best for them. When they turn 18 yo then that is when its the parents time again to be selfish and self centered but while underage it should be all about those children!
