Should I call CPS on my best friend (who's a single parent)?

[json07]

@awesome777yay Please be very careful with CPS. There are more and more stories coming out of kids going through nightmare situations of rape torture and even human trafficking at the hands of CPS.

 

[katrina2017]

@awesome777yay Please don’t call CPS. She needs your help, not her children taken away. Jesus Christ.

 

[mammah]

@awesome777yay I agree with calling her family and see if they can help. If you are really her friend help. Calling CPS is not something a real friend would do. You have no idea what that would do to the kids- it is not a good call. Please think of the kids. Help and intervene a different way. Have you even tried talking to her? Like really talk to her. Get her professional help, therapy. Set up an appointment and take her. In the meantime - while she snaps out of this behavior - maybe you can clean her place and buy some groceries, give the kids a bath. Continue to visit often and make sure the kids are fine. Help her get a resume update and help her apply for jobs on indeed.com. Things like this I would do if I was a true friend.

Edit: spelling

 

[halimah]

@awesome777yay It sounds like she needs therapy and a break. I know this is a lot to ask but— can you offer her a break? Maybe you can keep the kids while she gets her stuff together. The one thing we don’t want is for the children to end up in the system. If she’s estranged from her family then that may be the outcome if CPS get involved.

She needs help. She needs someone to give her grace and guidance.

 

[wished]

@awesome777yay Your friend needs therapy. I'm guessing if she's not reaching out to her family for help there's a reason why. I was a single parent for nearly 10 years. My family is very dysfunctional and I dated a handful of mentally and verbally abusive men (including my son's dad). My family did very little to help me. As a matter of fact, I resent them because of it. My own mother saw me and my child (6) evacuate a former boyfriend's in the middle of the night when I broke up with him in 2016 and he threatened my life. My parents would let me stay at their home ONE NIGHT. (Not that I wanted to, but they never offered.) Two of my three siblings couldn't be bothered. One (the one that cut me from her life) straight up told me to stop dating emotionally unavailable men and take care of my child, yet she wasn't willing to babysit so I could have free time or anything else.

The reason why I say this is because toxic men prey on single mothers. They also don't show up as toxic. They present as the charming, kind, "I'd do anything for you" type. As a single mother with a dysfunctional family I needed help. Anyone that offered I took what I could. My son is now 12 and I was married in 2021 to the most wonderful and supportive man I've ever met.

Single mothers need help. They don't need someone telling them what to do or how to do it. Many single mothers are too ashamed to ask for help. I was in a dysfunctional family where my parents felt it was best to be in control during the 80's/90's and so personal relationships with my parents and siblings are strained. I never knew what a healthy happy relationship was, because my parents couldn't provide me with a vision of how things should be for me. They weren't supportive or loving really. I still to this day struggle with my relationships with family.

This woman needs help not judgement... She needs therapy and a reliable baby sitter. She needs to learn to put herself first so she can be there for her children. If she didn't learn this from her parents it doesn't always come easy. Self esteem and loving yourself helps you decide what you're willing to put up with, and therapy really helps with recognizing red flags and learning boundaries. Calling CPS isn't necessarily going to help either party in this situation. It's probably going to do more bad than good.

 

[mlee29]

@awesome777yay As a mother, I feel horrible for these children and I'm disgusted at the lack of care this girl takes for her babies.

First off - yeah, call CPS. Get those children into a home (whether it be with other family members or a foster) that will love them and give them a clean, comfortable environment to live in. No child should ever be ignored like that. My soon to be ex-sister in law does this with her children - lets the youngest walk around in the same diaper for up to 10 hours while my brother is working, leaves the house in such horrible shape that family won't visit, and so many other things. So yes, get those children help. You obviously care about them, and if no one else is going to do it then I think you have a humanitarian obligation to do what you can.

As far as finding her parents or other family - CPS and the courts can do that. I wouldn't worry so much about that aspect.

Finally, your friend also needs to get some help - therapy, medication, whatever it takes. She sounds like she is in a deep depression or serious denial, and she is trying to fill that void with a man - ANY man will do. Getting CPS involved will either wake her up... or she will continue this way and show that her children do not take priority in her life. Its a sad situation all around, and I hope you can get something done for all three of them.

 

[sunnettle12199]

@awesome777yay I wouldn’t call / 1 . This situation may not be great but when kids get out Into foster care I have no doubt it is extremely traumatic , they usually are given about 10 minutes to put what they want to take with them but only what will fit in a paper bag that’s it then everything else they own is gone bye bye ( it’s terrible j read that somewhere they get treated like they did something wrong) I would only call in a very extreme situation because if your lucky you may get a nice family who wants to help children who have been mistreated/ and it all goes downhill from there, at best you will get assholes who are way more negligent and wreckless then your “friend” and are only taking the kids because they get a check for doing it( it’s hard to find foster parents how picky do you think the state is?, the. You get sick o predators and god knows what else who are looking for a victim to groom and slowly torment until they get tossed like a rag to the next family ( oh and sometimes they separate siblings it depends on what’s available to house then, so if your lucky you will traumatize her children and put them in a strange home and then probably they will get bounced all over the place but maybe avoid being molested by low life scum and just treated like crap. Here’s an idea brainiac, you described her as a friend don’t friends talk openly and honestly telll her your worried she needs to stop focusing on men because she is good enough without one and her right one will come when the time id right but in the mean time the kids are young and never will be again and you’ve noticed that she seems to be so worried about relationships she may not do it on purpose but sometimes the kids seem to be ignored , I worry sometimes you don’t notice they are hungry and I want to help is there anything I can do? Or moon for an organization like a food pantry or something for single moms, something that isn’t foster care with child trafficking mommy s and daddy.( I have to question what you consider to be friendship if you are this concerned and won’t talk to your friend about what you have observed before falling child protective services - w friends like you who needs Enemies )I understand calling on her may be fun drama for you to talk about to who ever you are trying to impress but you could take two kids whose lives are kinda not the greatest and bring them to hell - do you want that on. Your conscience, do you know how many children in def custody disappear) (child trafficking ) I had a neighbor who was like your friend hit way worse but at least the dad who had him on weekends. Was good Z she would get trashed at night and he would come to our apt in the morning, he was such a sweet little boy but I j be his mom would get mad when she found out the l furniture she pushed against the door as a babysitter had been tampered w and he had gotten away from. Her while she slept all day. A bunch of us in the apt discussed it cuz she was also mean to the kid called him stupid hit him but we all came to the conclusion at lest he had dad on weekends and foster care could be way worse at least w mean mom he was fed bathed and clothed , eventually dad got custody I think we only would have made it worse if we called .

 

[raze777]

@awesome777yay Why would you risk the children being put in foster care and someone molesting them or worse? Maybe you should get her parents involved in the situation or something along those lines first

 

[charlespearson]

@awesome777yay Sounds like she may have abandonment issues that led her down the road to this life. If she has family that you can get in touch with whonare willing to step up amd take temporary custody of her kids until.she gets it together I'd start there before calling cps. But if you feel the kids are neglected enough or unsafe at all call them, it's hard to deal with CPS and it's always a last resort option. I hate CPS. But if there is no alternative...

 

[jesusfreak736]

@awesome777yay As much as I JATE the govt to intervene with family issues. ..she needs to be reported and caseworker needs to be assigned to these kids. ASAP!!!

 

[jc_beebee]

@awesome777yay Do you hunk she had postpartum, potentially? Itcan last up to 3 years. She’s likely overwhelmed if she’s with the kids all day, and sometimes you just need a break.

I feel so sad for her. Can you update us?

 

[delightfulkatie]

@awesome777yay You are a good soul OP. Lucky she got you as a friend.