Sharing Photos with CoParent

[rvin]

I got to spend Halloween night with my daughter this year and we had a blast. Her dad had her last week and through the weekend so they got to do Halloween events together. He chose to buy her a costume which was a slap in my face since he knew I had been working hard on her costume.

I invited him to go trick-o-treating but he declined due to “a headache”. Today, he’s been very eager to get photos from last night. It wouldn’t be a “big” deal but he has a habit of taking credit when it’s not his.

I’m tired of him passing my parenting efforts as his so I don’t wanna share any photos from last night. He had a chance to go out with us and just the idea of him bragging about how great her costume turned out makes my blood boil.

But I can’t help to ask - am I being petty for not sharing photos with him?

 

[kingjoseph]

@rvin I totally understand the annoyance. My kid’s dad does the same with posting photos and implicitly claiming credit for stuff he had nothing to do with, often making sure that he gets in a photo too, for extra “aw, what a good dad” points. It bugs me every time because I know all he did was show up (sometimes not even that). I still take photos that include him when he’s there, though, because I want my kids to have them later on. And I do still share any photos of kid events with him if he’s not there, mostly because it just seems like the right thing to do and it’s not really a big deal, but also partly because I want him to do it when I’m not there. So far we both continue to routinely add photos to an online album that we’ve had since they were born, and I don’t want to jeopardize that. Anyone who knows us/him more than totally superficially absolutely knows he’s not the one doing this stuff, and even though there are times I’d love to out him to the rest, I have to remind myself that it’s not worth the brain space to care that some random co-worker might not know he’s full of shit.

 

[nguyencuong9102]

@rvin It IS petty. But, I get it.

I guess I'd try to think of what the kids would want to share and try to remove my own feelings from the situation.

Because my ex is a terrible person, but they like him. Lol.

 

[vanhiep240594]

@nguyencuong9102 This.

The people who matter in your life and the lives of your children will know the truth, regardless of his curated online persona. Most importantly, your children will know. They won’t grow up and maintain a close relationship with a parent who wasn’t REALLY present, but who only appeared to be via their social media accounts. Your ex is focused on the wrong things, sadly, and will likely regret it some day.

 

[vijay5621]

@rvin I would go out of my way to send photos of our son to my ex so he wasn’t missing events or important milestones. Swim lessons, drs appointments, him just being cute, daily pictures during extended times he wasn’t with his dad. That favor was never returned.

A few big things that made me go from sending pictures to none at all when we were on “good terms”

• for our sons birthday he had a party he didn’t tell me about until I randomly got photos of my son at his birthday party months after it actually happened.

-I let him take our son to his cousins birthday party on my time and I got one poor quality pixelated video where you can’t even see anything. I asked for him to send it somewhere where the video wouldn’t lose its quality and he texted back “nah”

-he took our son to Disney. Prior to leaving I said “make sure to send me pictures!” And I got a single picture of my son asleep at a restaurant.

 

[childofgod001]

@rvin Have you asked your kid if they'd like to send a photo of their costume to their dad? I know the frustration of being the bigger person, but is this something they'd like him to know about?

 

[rvin]

@childofgod001 My daughter hasn’t asked me to send him a photo. They got to FaceTime right before we left the house so it’s not like he didn’t see any of it.

 

[lawlord]

@rvin Absolutely. But relatable

 

[elizabeth1979]

@rvin Are you being petty? Yes but I get it! Send the photo with your watermark across it lol or photos with you in the picture!!!

When planning our child’s birthday party last year, all my “coparent” did was double the guest list and brought two Costco pizzas. I did everything from planning and reserving the venue, figured out food, goodie bags, cake and cupcakes for now double the guest list, ordered invites (which not one person from his list rsvpd to me) and at the end of the party, his guests went up to him and said “what a great party, good job. This year he texted me “what do WE have planned” and I told him he was on his own and I was doing my own thing. I planned a smaller party for her closest friends and it was great.

 

[passingthrough1]

@rvin I’d just send the pictures and move on with my day.

 

[katrina2017]

@rvin I understand your frustration, but ultimately I think it’s the right thing to do to share the photos. Him not attending trick or treating doesn’t make him a bad dad. He took her to things and got her a costume too and that’s perfectly ok. I don’t know that you should see it as getting “credit” for parenting. If her costume turned out great, and people notice, that’s great. But this isn’t some contest for best costume. It’s about whether or not she had fun. If she had fun both places that’s great. Great parenting is doing things for your child to make them happy, not how long you spent on an outfit. He isn’t any less a “good” parent because he bought a costume. You’re not any more a “good” parent because you made a costume. Those things aren’t determined by these external factors and silly holidays.

 

[adrian83]

@rvin Yes you are petty.

 

[tinabugs77]

@rvin Personally, I think you’d know best as it depends on your relationship with him. I’m at a point where my ex broke our boundaries of amicable coparneting and he knew the consequence was I did not want him to be there for Halloween (my custody day) however, I did still send him pictures because it was our sons FIRST Halloween. I don’t think I would’ve otherwise. ESPECIALLY if he was invited/declined and based on your context it’s not abnormal behavior to share photos from nights he should’ve and could’ve been experiencing with you. He might feel it’s petty, but he also doesn’t deserve the pictures from you either.
Either way, he’s probably not gonna change so it’s up to you for just this Halloween lol

 

[ryn]

@rvin Send him a pic of you and her

 

[johnjohn1]

@rvin This is so relatable…

 

[secondstoryempires]

@rvin We just share photos of things that one parent misses that they might have been at if not for work, travel or other things that couldn’t be missed. And even then only really good ones.