Sex after having a baby?

[oioimoi]

Im almost 3 weeks PP with my sweet baby boy. Labor wasn’t terrible so I’m healing rather quickly. My partner and I are actively working on reconnecting due to personal circumstances where he was not present for the last 3 months of my pregnancy which caused our sex life to sink tremendously. Obviously there hasn’t been any frisking going on lately since we just brought home a baby and I am still healing, but I am noticing small hints from my partner of wanting to be intimate. Let me say he isn’t an overly sexual person at all and can be a bit awkward when initiating sex, so his hints are very obvious and knowing my sex drives is much higher than his, I’d love to take the opportunity when possible.

I don’t mind pleasing my partner without having sex, but even when it does come to having sex, how do you do it with a newborn? Once I go for my checkup and am given the OK to have sex again, where do we even start?

I have a pretty laid back newborn. He’s quiet and relaxed and quite easy to please. He’s already on a decent nighttime routine that he follows for the most part, but he is breastfed and cluster feeding like crazy which involves having to be on me 24/7 when he’s awake. We currently have a bassinet that we use for bubs, but he definitely prefers to sleep on me or dad so it can be difficult keeping him in his bassinet without having to soothe him multiple times before he’s fully asleep. He’s a newborn, so I expect this and obviously don’t mind, but how do you find time to reconnect sexually with your partner over time? Also, are you guys having sex with the baby in the room? Obviously I would never do that once my baby is aware enough to make eye contact with me because it would weird me out, but he’s not even 3 weeks old yet. He has 0 comprehension of what’s going on, right? Am I gross for thinking that?

I miss being intimate with my partner so much. We’ve struggled with a few things in our relationship since I got pregnant and we both deeply crave that connection again. What do we do? How do we do it? Are we rushing things, or is this normal? We’re both so exhausted between caring for my son along with my partner working 2 jobs but knowing that he is still sexually attracted me through the exhaustion gives me a crazy boost of confidence that I would love to act on. Not to mention my lovely weight gain. I was underweight before my pregnancy and my body has filled out beautifully. I look so healthy and I love my PP body. My partner does as well. We’re both so lost on where to begin with this. He wasn’t romantically involved with his daughters mother so this is new to him as well.

Watching my partner be a father turns me on more than anything he’s ever done the entire 9 years I’ve know him. He already has a precious 3 y/o, so this isn’t new to me, but it hits different watching him being a father with our child. He comes in from work all dirty and greasy, greets me with a deep kiss, takes a shower and immediately takes over with the baby so that I can shower myself and do a little self care. He looks so beautiful holding our newborn and giving baby talk and ugh, I could just eat him alive. Anybody else have insight, or can relate?

 

[emily13]

@oioimoi My doctors always told me to wait 6 weeks after birth before sex. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having sex while your baby is sleeping the same room, it’s not like they are aware enough to know what’s going on.

 

[enduring_until_the_end]

@oioimoi At some point, my velcro baby would sleep for a few hours by herself in her crib, usually for the firsf stretch of the night. That’s when we’d do it, sometimes next to her, sometimes in the spare room. I’ll admit it does feel weird doing it with the baby next to you; even if they’re asleep and unaware, it is still another person in the room.

 

[oioimoi]

@enduring_until_the_end I think I’m more so worried about him waking up during us having sex. I don’t want to immediately jump up and grab him with my sex hands - I feel like that’s kinda icky. Lolol. Ill feel icked out about touching him until I shower, ya know? Ugh. None of the parenting classes told me about this part of parenthood!

 

[nigel74]

@oioimoi Ok so some general tips for sex after baby. Lubricant is your friend, especially if you're breastfeeding. Foreplay is very crucial also as your vaginal muscles will be quite tight and stiff and this can obviously cause pain if they are not relaxed. Take things slow, treat sex as a workout you haven't done in many months. Just because you know how to do all the right things, doesn't mean your body can handle it at the level you were at last time you did it. And finally, make sure you are 1000% about your birth control method. Breast feeding or not, fertility is a little unpredictable the first year after giving birth and many a surprise baby has been made that way.

As for how and when. Babies sleep a lot. Even if its just 30 mins, you can find time for intimacy in creative places. And in creative ways, like you said ot doesn't always have to involve PIV or even end in multiple orgasms.

 

[oioimoi]

@nigel74 Im so worried about the pain thats going to come with it lol. Ive heard that your first time having sex after a baby is usually not great. I will definitely invest in some lube! Sorry if this is personal, is there any kind you recommend? We’ve always used KY jelly but not sure if I should switch it up since I haven’t had sex in so long. Im getting on birth control at my 6 week check up but I’m still considering condoms. Im worried about getting pregnant again lol

 

[nigel74]

@oioimoi Water based have worked best for us, no specific brand though. Don't get fancy with it. The first time can be tricky. In my experience (I've had 3 babies), the first time can be enjoyable when you use as a mechanism to relax and reconnect rather than to just have sex. Also, recognizing that your vagina and uterus have been through a lot and they will need to be treated gently.

While on the tmi route, i remember one of the first orgasms i had post baby #3 was pathetic. Emotionally it felt wonderful but physically my poor little vagina just couldn't react to the level my brain could. It was funny in a sad way. Just a reminder to me that "you had a baby 2 months ago, cut yourself a break".

 

[wini]

@oioimoi Doesn't matter if you feel healed you have a wound inside you where the placenta detached that needs to heal. Please wait for the all clear from your doctor. You do not want an infection. Nothing in your vagina until the all clear. Bug you can do otgervstuff if you are feeling in the mood.

With a small baby you just have to take whatever opportunity arises. Nothing wrong with having sex with a baby in the room. I did it plenty of times when mine were sleeping I could never continue if they woke up even if they were content. It was just too weird for me. Would washing your hands before picking up baby rather than a full shower be enough for you to feel OK with potential interruption?

Do you have any relatives or friends who would like some baby time while you "catch up on chores" or "go out for lunch" or "sleep because we're both so exhausted". I think one time my husband and I told his parents we really needed to grocery shop but ended up having sex instead.

It gets easier as baby gets older and their sleep becomes more predictable.

 

[oioimoi]

@wini Oh no I was definitely going to wait until I got the clear! I had a first degree tear so I’m still healing from stitches lol. Thank you tho mama!

I do think washing my hands would help. Thank you for the suggestion. I would just feel weird touching him with sex hands. Lol. My mom loves getting my baby so I’m sure she wouldn’t mind getting him for a few hours so me and dad can “rest” haha!