Sex after birth

[deamy]

Hi you all

If this is not allowed, let me know, but o don't know where to post this.

I am now three months postpartum, been cleared by the doctor, but I just seem to have a very low sex drive. Part of me wants to the other really cannot be asked.

During pregnancy we didn't have much sex, because I was afraid of getting a UTI (I have a history with them)… so it's been a while since the last time.

We sort of tried today and it hurt. How long did it take you guys to get back into the swing of things? Any advice for getting rid of the mental blockage?

 

[lanternburning]

@deamy Your sex drive is what it is, and there's nothing wrong with it. Lots of women feel "touched out" from the baby and don't want to be touched for quite some time.

From a physical side, have a look and check that your vulva and vagina have healed.

Occasionally tears heal poorly and can cause pain. You can also end up in an oestrogen-depleted state which leads to vaginal dryness. If sex remains painful, ask your doctor for vaginal oestrogen. It can help a lot.

(I'm an OB/GYN but not your OG/GYN)

 

[mhall1989]

@deamy Read the book come as you are by Emily Nagoski

 

[radion]

@deamy Pelvic floor PT can help with painful sex

 

[anth987]

@radion I also highly encourage seeing one.

Also a lot of lube when you attempt again

 

[lawrencemcdonald1]

@radion Hoping this helps me. I had a c section and everything still feels super tight. Have an appointment in two weeks with a pelvic floor physical therapist. Will also be talking about how to get my core strength back. Should have done this months ago!

 

[djkenetics]

@deamy Like after a year, don’t push it it’ll just make it worse. Do it at your own pace and continue to communicate with your partner about where you’re at.

 

[deamy]

@djkenetics Thank you.

 

[katrina2017]

@deamy Are you breastfeeding? Breastfeeding kills your sex drive and causes vaginal dryness, which makes sex hurt. A large part of why you feel like this might be hormonal/caused by your body, and it'll go away once you stop or once you nurse less often

 

[nattyz]

@katrina2017 breastfeeding killed my libido way more than pregnancy ever did, even those last few weeks when i felt like a swollen hippo. i didn’t even realize it until i was done breastfeeding that i hadn’t thoroughly enjoyed sex in so long.

 

[javier_is_life]

@katrina2017 This is what I came here to say. My sex drive came back within 1-2 weeks of weaning. It was honestly a bit alarming after having none for so long!

 

[communityguide]

@katrina2017 This doesn't happen for everyone. Both my kids were exclusively breastfed and I breastfed them both for an extended period (over 3 consecutive years). It never affected my libido, didn't make me dry, and sex didn't hurt whatsoever.

 

[katrina2017]

@communityguide True! But if you do have these symptoms and you're breastfeeding, I do think it's likely they're connected. Happy to hear it wasn't like that for you, though

 

[deamy]

@katrina2017 Yes, I am breastfeeding. I hope it will go away, feeling quite dejected ATM.

 

[katrina2017]

@deamy If it helps: I was exactly like you. But when my baby started to nurse less often, it got a little better. I'm now weaning and it's almost back to normal. It'll get better with time

 

[deamy]

@katrina2017 Thank you!

 

[seve]

@deamy 3 months pp is really really soon. I think with my 2nd we didn't have sex for like 6 months. Idk. this is temporary. In fact, my libido sky-rocketed about 12 months PP with my 2nd (even though I was still BF, but just not as much). Like out of control horny teenager level every month around my ovulation time. It's been amazing bc the sex is soooo good. But like the first 6-8 months PP, heavily BF, uh yeah no thanks. Haha. Good luck! Be patient!

 

[lynnak]

@deamy Are you breastfeeding? Your estrogen is low when you're breastfeeding, which makes you dry and low libido.

 

[kk3]

@deamy I had sex 7w PP and I had a 2nd degree tear. Penetration didn’t hurt but there was some discomfort around my scar. It wasn’t a pleasurable experience because I was in my head. I was mostly afraid of the pain. We used lots of lube. Plan to try again sometime soon.

 

[johannatan]

@kk3 I am 5 weeks PP with a first degree tear - we have tried twice and this is also how I feel. It wasn’t painful but I’m more in my head and can’t really manage it quite yet. I hope it gets better soon for you - and me!