@veronicajohn I never understand posts like this. Your kid is going through a normal and expected phase, one you could have prepared yourself for so you understand how to navigate it better. But instead you’re shocked and surprised that your teenager is acting like a teenager? Do you really think the way you handled things helped whatsoever? Yikes.
Setting up Christmas tree ruined teenager’s day
- Thread starter veronicajohn
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@veronicajohn I remember being this kid. I had no control over my emotions.
I remember giving my parents hell. Because I knew they wouldn’t walk away.
When I was seventeen I remember looking at the dishes in the sink and thinking “they made me that meal, I should do the washing up” and it was like I woke up from a 4 year bad dream.
I know it’s testing, please thinking logically and patiently.
I remember giving my parents hell. Because I knew they wouldn’t walk away.
When I was seventeen I remember looking at the dishes in the sink and thinking “they made me that meal, I should do the washing up” and it was like I woke up from a 4 year bad dream.
I know it’s testing, please thinking logically and patiently.
godfollowerchristlover
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@veronicajohn Was it required for her to decorate the tree? There's been years I've put up a tree with lights and no ornaments. One year, we just decorated the mantle and didn't even put up a tree. And my husband only puts the tree up, but never stays to decorate I just do that with my son (now 16) and I.
If the time to decorate the tree worked for everyone in the family but her, I would have just gone ahead and decorated it without her. Hearing everyone else having a good time may have encouraged her to come out on her own. I don't think I would have forced the issue though. If she's an only child I would have waited for a time when everyone was in the mood for it. Sometimes my son and I decorate early and sometimes a week before Christmas. More important than forcing the interaction was us both being in the mood to do it.
I think as parents we get this picture in our heads of "the perfect holiday" and get mad when humans, even young humans, do human things like have bad days. Holidays are stressful all around, it doesn't have to be perfect. Let her know when your pre-holiday traditions are occuring and let her have a way out. If there's one or two things that are required (like visiting family) let her know that, but help her figure out ways to make it work for her (hey, we can take two cars this year and I'm happy to leave early if you want; or I expect you to greet everyone and sit at the table for dinner, but if you want to find a quiet corner and spend time on your phone the rest of the time that's fine with me). Teens are gonna teen.
If the time to decorate the tree worked for everyone in the family but her, I would have just gone ahead and decorated it without her. Hearing everyone else having a good time may have encouraged her to come out on her own. I don't think I would have forced the issue though. If she's an only child I would have waited for a time when everyone was in the mood for it. Sometimes my son and I decorate early and sometimes a week before Christmas. More important than forcing the interaction was us both being in the mood to do it.
I think as parents we get this picture in our heads of "the perfect holiday" and get mad when humans, even young humans, do human things like have bad days. Holidays are stressful all around, it doesn't have to be perfect. Let her know when your pre-holiday traditions are occuring and let her have a way out. If there's one or two things that are required (like visiting family) let her know that, but help her figure out ways to make it work for her (hey, we can take two cars this year and I'm happy to leave early if you want; or I expect you to greet everyone and sit at the table for dinner, but if you want to find a quiet corner and spend time on your phone the rest of the time that's fine with me). Teens are gonna teen.
jocelynvenus
New member
@veronicajohn I feel you. That's how my 15 year old was about carving a pumpkin this year. I tried hard to have a light-hearted good time and both she and my husband were brats. It's because I forced it, though. I should've just done it when they wanted to. But, I was like, why doesn't what I want ever matter? Anyway, at least she is looking forward to doing the tree this weekend.
@jocelynvenus "Why doesn't what I want ever matter?"
Gently, and with respect, it's because you were trying to use two real people as props in your Halloween vision.
Gently, and with respect, it's because you were trying to use two real people as props in your Halloween vision.
jocelynvenus
New member
@derek1995 Yeah, I know. Being endlessly selfless is frustrating though.
@jocelynvenus I think being selfless isn't the same as not demanding others play with you.
I know it's hard to let go of a lovely idea you have in your head. It's like letting go of Santa all over again. But raising kids is letting go from day one. That's why it's so hard x
I know it's hard to let go of a lovely idea you have in your head. It's like letting go of Santa all over again. But raising kids is letting go from day one. That's why it's so hard x
@veronicajohn You know, as much as it hurts to have our kids start separating themselves from us, it's necessary. That may mean we cannot carry on the "magic" moments of their early years, and we have to find new ways to make happy memories. Forcing someone to participate in something like this has no real benefit for anyone involved.
I've raised two kids to adulthood and the ones still at home are 12 and 16. Based on that experience, the best policy is always to invite and welcome their participation, but never force. I found that if I let them make these choices, initially they will decline to participate, but after a couple of years they start returning to the family circle on their own initiative.
I've raised two kids to adulthood and the ones still at home are 12 and 16. Based on that experience, the best policy is always to invite and welcome their participation, but never force. I found that if I let them make these choices, initially they will decline to participate, but after a couple of years they start returning to the family circle on their own initiative.
noeasyday121
New member
@veronicajohn This does seem kinda controlling tho. What's it to you if she doesn't want to participate? If celebration is mandatory, it's not a celebration, it's just work.
faithfortoday
New member
@veronicajohn I stopped telling or forcing my teen to do anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary.
For instance my 15 year old needed a passport photo, so I reminded her like 5x until she got one.
If you’d have just left your teen to miss out, then your day wouldn’t be ruined and you could’ve enjoyed yourself.
My now 18 year old stopped for two years when it came to decorating the tree, then at 17 she asked when we planned on doing it because she wanted to be part of it.
For instance my 15 year old needed a passport photo, so I reminded her like 5x until she got one.
If you’d have just left your teen to miss out, then your day wouldn’t be ruined and you could’ve enjoyed yourself.
My now 18 year old stopped for two years when it came to decorating the tree, then at 17 she asked when we planned on doing it because she wanted to be part of it.
@veronicajohn I understand everyone explaining why this is normal, and I get that it is. But can we also normalize being pissed about it and sick of the attitude? Like, we are people too. And their attitudes ruin happy moments all the time, that’s normal to be irritated by it. A majority of teens are selfish and ungrateful and intentionally pretend to be miserable all the time, even once adults they admit to intentionally being this way for no actual reason, but can flip a switch in a millisecond if they want something from us. It’s like whiplash. Let’s normalize it being irritating as hell- BECAUSE IT IS. Bitch away parents, if we can’t complain about the bad attitudes then we are doomed lol.
@vonhelton It IS normal to be pissed off and sick of the pushback. With teens, it does feel like a constant battle of the wills. I think all parents do try to impose their will on the kids. It’s normal. The kids push back. Also normal. I, for one, am TIRED of being the one holding it all together at times. Someone mentioned earlier how she can’t get what she wants when it comes to decorating the pumpkins. It does feel like everyone in the house gets to do, say, act or feel whatever they want without consequences and Moms left holding the bag. It’s a sad state when we work so hard to hold things together, only to be accused of “using our family as props.” Please 
I don’t give two shits if it’s the pumpkin or the tree, no one is asking for perfection. I’m certainly NOT in it for the Insta moments. I’m looking for real connection between me and the family that I work my ass off to make happy. I don’t think asking to do a small family activity should be such an ordeal.
I don’t give two shits if it’s the pumpkin or the tree, no one is asking for perfection. I’m certainly NOT in it for the Insta moments. I’m looking for real connection between me and the family that I work my ass off to make happy. I don’t think asking to do a small family activity should be such an ordeal.@npfionna Thank you for voicing this! We moms work HARD to create fun, loving family memories and sometimes it feels like these teens are doing everything in their power to wreck it. I know that some of it is normal teenage surliness but some of it is just plain rude behavior. The way I look at it is, if you wouldn't be allowed to talk to a boss, teacher, co-worker ect that way, why should I allow you to talk to me like that?
My teens expect all of the Christmas decorations to be put up, the Christmas cookies baked, ect but don't want to help me do it. I told them that this year if they don't pitch in, it won't be done, because I'm having surgery and won't feel up to doing it all myself. We will see what they decide to do. (They're 18, 16, and 13).
My teens expect all of the Christmas decorations to be put up, the Christmas cookies baked, ect but don't want to help me do it. I told them that this year if they don't pitch in, it won't be done, because I'm having surgery and won't feel up to doing it all myself. We will see what they decide to do. (They're 18, 16, and 13).
@garberse 
hopefully they will take care of a least SOME of it for you! If they’re anything like my kids, they will need reminders and probably a little coddling beforehand LOL I can see it now…Mom buys break apart cookies, Mom makes Johnny get ornaments from the attic, etc.
I agree that it’s seriously RUDE the way that they try to talk to me sometimes. I’m not having that
I’ll tell them, “Knock off the rudeness and TRY AGAIN.” Who is going to call them on that type of shit if not me?! Teachers are afraid for their jobs, future bosses will just write them up or show them the door. I’m not here for some of the comments saying anything we say or do is going to damage their fragile emotions. Mama ain’t got time for rudeness my guys!!
hopefully they will take care of a least SOME of it for you! If they’re anything like my kids, they will need reminders and probably a little coddling beforehand LOL I can see it now…Mom buys break apart cookies, Mom makes Johnny get ornaments from the attic, etc. I agree that it’s seriously RUDE the way that they try to talk to me sometimes. I’m not having that
I’ll tell them, “Knock off the rudeness and TRY AGAIN.” Who is going to call them on that type of shit if not me?! Teachers are afraid for their jobs, future bosses will just write them up or show them the door. I’m not here for some of the comments saying anything we say or do is going to damage their fragile emotions. Mama ain’t got time for rudeness my guys!!@vonhelton Yes! Parents absolutely deserve and need the space to be pissed and to vent when their kids are being bratty!
@veronicajohn We started trimming our tree on Thanksgiving in the morning, as soon as the turkey went into the oven, per tradition. We have several trees and TONS of holiday decor, I absolutely love the holiday season and so do my hubby and youngest daughter. But my oldest 13 f has zero interest right now except for she send to enjoy hating things that bring other people joy.
Anyway she slept until 1:30 on thanksgiving and I woke her up so she could have turkey with us. She expressed being "astonished" that we "decorated the tree without her!?!?" To which I said, we're not even finished with one tree yet there's plenty to do. She grumbled and was quite offended.
Later that evening as we started in last box of ornaments and the last little dining room tree, I went to ask her if she wanted to help trim the last tree.
You would think I asked her to scrape barnacles off an ocean liner. How could I possibly think she would want to DO STUFF WITH US it's her thanksgiving too and she wanted to enjoy it and I keep finding ways to ruin it.
So it sounds like both of us are vying for Worst Mom of the Year, fingers crossed
Anyway she slept until 1:30 on thanksgiving and I woke her up so she could have turkey with us. She expressed being "astonished" that we "decorated the tree without her!?!?" To which I said, we're not even finished with one tree yet there's plenty to do. She grumbled and was quite offended.
Later that evening as we started in last box of ornaments and the last little dining room tree, I went to ask her if she wanted to help trim the last tree.
You would think I asked her to scrape barnacles off an ocean liner. How could I possibly think she would want to DO STUFF WITH US it's her thanksgiving too and she wanted to enjoy it and I keep finding ways to ruin it.
So it sounds like both of us are vying for Worst Mom of the Year, fingers crossed
veronicajohn
New member
@vlovesgod Thank you so much for the empathy and a good laugh. Sounds exactly like my kiddo. Just practicing loving patience. But some days she does make it challenging
justme12345678910
New member
@veronicajohn I'd say pick your battles. Not everyone's going to want to do the same thing at the same time. This year maybe she's just not interested in it. I'd let it go.