Regular cycle, strong positive OPKs, timed it just right and still a b-f’n-N :(

[tigersense]

@jackih Yes!! Describing it this way seemed so much more intimate (and accurate) than just saying “period cramps” lol. It’s that feeling where things start rumbling and your heart starts sinking and you just KNOW it’s coming. I did the desperate googling thing yesterday: “period cramps vs. implantation cramps” and “cramps early pregnancy?” like a fool. And then the whole time as I frantically scrolled forums from 2008 desperately seeking validation that there could still be hope, my rational mind was chiming in from the backseat like “hey! You know you need to go to Target tomorrow and pick up more tampons right!”

But anyway, I also have had super intrusive thoughts surrounding the concept that it hasn’t happened “accidentally” yet, as we’ve been less than cautious. I’ve been off BC for 5 years and here I am, still childless. This thought definitely adds some layers to the anxiety. For the past few years I’ve secretly hoped it would just happen without all the science-y drama of OPKs, temping, etc. But here we are.

Good luck to you also as you start tracking these things! It’s a trip, but hopefully one that will pay off in the end for both of us. Fingers crossed for you!

 

[jackih]

@tigersense Oh my goodness, YES! I kid you not that I've also Googled “period cramps vs. implantation cramps” and “cramps early pregnancy" - word for word. I've even Googled "implantation bleeding" and "spotting early pregnancy" when I'd see the dreaded light pink on the toilet paper.

So for the past 5 years, have you been NTNP and only started actively trying (OPKs, temping, timing BD) for the past 3 months?

Fingers crossed for you, too! Hope to see your username soon on a BFP thread!

 

[tigersense]

@jackih Yep I’ve taken my googling that far too! No shame in that game, gurl.

We were pretty young when I stopped my BC so we used condoms for the first year or so. Then that devolved into the tried and true pullout method which we stuck with for a long time. I’ve been tracking my cycles since I went off BC so we’d just try to avoid the middle of my cycle, which led to a few “scares” (laughable now) since I’m irregular, or used a condom.

My husband graduates with his masters in December so we knew we wanted to wait until at least April of this year to start actively trying so we could give birth after he was done. But the thought of this decision made us horny so I’d say we began NTNP back in like January.

 

[terpenga]

@tigersense Are you me? Basically everything you said spot on describes what this cycle was for us. It’s tough to realize that conditions seemed perfect and yet it still doesn’t happen that 30% chance thing sometimes seem so crazy when you think about accidental pregnancy. Hopefully next time is the magic cycle!

 

[tigersense]

@terpenga It’s a tough pill to swallow! And the unplanned pregnancies vs the 30% success rate thing has been running through my mind a lot too these last few months.

For example, my dumb 19-year-old cousin, who would never admit it but totally glamorized Kylie Jenner’s pregnancy, went out and decided to YOLO it a couple times with her on again off again equally dumb boyfriend and now she has a 1 year old. How fair is that? Meanwhile I’m over here as a 28-year-old married lady with a house and a dog and a car and a 401(k) and an empty uterus. Oh well, like you said hopefully it’s my number thats called next time!

 

[betty129]

@tigersense As a 28 year old married lady with a friend who got pregnant in one single accidental night at 20 years old, I felt this lol.

Please nobody hate me for saying this but sometimes I wonder if they're all just lying to us and fertility actually falls off a cliff at 25 lol. waaaaahhh

 

[bmavxps3]

@tigersense I really feel for you reading this! It would seem patience is the name of the game when TTC but it is so frustrating. I really relate to a lot of what you said, when you know you've given it your best shot its actually crushing not to get the result you deserve.

Best of luck with your next cycle

 

[tigersense]

@bmavxps3 Yes, and having to be patient is sooooo annoying! Haha. Nobody can argue that we didn’t give it the old college try (literally, I don’t think I’ve had that much sex in that short amount of time since I was 18).

Thanks girl, and best of luck to you as well!

 

[detourgirl]

@tigersense Ugh i feel you so so hard. One thing though, opks don't conform ovulation, or confirm that you dont ovulate. Good luck, if you discover how to enjoy the process please let me know!

 

[tigersense]

@detourgirl I knowwwww I’ve been trying to compartmentalize the part about them not actually confirming ovulation lol. Denial, party of 1?!

 

[mikeru]

@tigersense I feel you on this. I have found it so hard to not get in my head about everything.

I also just wanted to say that I really enjoyed you're writing style I'm always (not so) secretly jealous of those who have nice prose.

 

[tigersense]

@mikeru Thank you so much! I mentioned up thread but I moonlight as a fiction and personal diary writer, haha. Writing this out in a lightly self-deprecating yet humorous way actually helped keep me from feeling self-deprecating for real today. I’m really glad I found this community

 

[amaggart]

@tigersense As someone who experienced secondary infertility for more than 2 years and had to have medical help to conceive, this is my advice.

Stop trying to be so perfect. TTC is not perfect and it’s only going to make it harder to conceive if you’re so in your head about it. You stress yourself out and it just messes with your cycle more. You’re only on cycle 3. Stop taking the fun out of it and just have sex!! We had months where we did it every other day for the whole month. Still wanna do opks? That’s fine but don’t force yourself to have sex every single day a million times a day for a whole week. It’s okay to skip a day here and there. It’s actually better to do that.

Burnout is real. If you’re this in your head already, you’re gonna burn out and feel really defeated in a few months if it still hasn’t worked. Remember you’re on cycle 3. Not cycle 10, 15, 24. You don’t need to be so perfectly timed right now. Just know when you should be fertile and bang it out. Try to have fun and not be so type A about it. I get it. I’ve been there. But trust me, if it takes a little longer than you think, which it can, you’re gonna lose your damn mind.

Also, needing help because you have irregular periods isn’t the end of the world. But you can’t even get a dr to give you bloodwork until you’ve been TTC for over a year with no success. SO give yourself time. It takes time. Not everyone effortlessly conceives on their first cycle.

Patience, my dear. It will happen.

 

[tigersense]

@amaggart Yes, patience and staying grounded are two character traits that were not thrown into the slop when I was being made. It really helps to hear your perspective as someone whose been forging down this trail much longer than I, so I appreciate your insight.

My irregular cycle does have an umbilical cord (pun intended) attached to my anxiety. So much so that I can look back at the cycle tracking I’ve done and use it to pinpoint exactly when my husband and I got in an argument or I was stressed at work or I was trapped in an RV with my in-laws. So you definitely nailed it with the idea that all this science-y, perfect timing, this that and the other tool thing will probably just end up stressing me out more through the process.

Fortunately my doc is aware of my irregularity because I’ve been bugging them about it for several years now. And luckily she promised she’ll get more in-depth stuff rolling if I’m not pregnant by the end of 2019 so I don’t have to wait an entire year. So that’s helpful!

After I wrap up this couple day long pity party, I plan on taking some time the rest of this menstruation to realign my mindset and do some self reflecting. Because hey, this means another shot is right around the corner and I didn’t even have to wait 55 days for it this time

 

[amaggart]

@tigersense Glad your doctor is ready to be proactive about it! I, too have very irregular cycles. It was also found that despite getting positive OPKs, I was not actually ovulating on my own. We found out that I have PCOS and my insulin levels were high, preventing me from ovulating.
Great news is that it only took one cycle of Femara with a novarel shot to trigger ovulation, for me to get pregnant! I’m now almost 14 weeks!

As someone who tried for a very, very long time the advice I gave, to just relax, is the best I could give. Tracking your cycles brings about self awareness and helps you understand your body more so that’s good. But I also know the stress that comes about with meticulous tracking. I just hate for someone so new to TTC (whether first time or secondary) to burn out from tracking so hard. From tracking with temps and OPKs, to pregnancy tests starting at like 8dpo, I found that getting out of my head about everything just made it so much easier; and less defeating when I got a negative or started my period. Once you’re a few months in, you and your SO can get so sick of the perfectly timed and seemingly endless sex lol it makes it SUCH a chore. Rather than meticulously tracking, maybe just a quick OPK around the time you think you’re ovulating, then sex for like the day before and a couple days after. But don’t tell your SO that you got a positive opk. It made it a lot harder on my husband when I told him I was ovulating and got a positive lol something about it made it feel like work for him and less enjoyable.

Just try to enjoy yourselves. Try new things, new places, have fun with it. Have fancy date nights, whatever. Try to get out of your head a little and just enjoy the trying! Whether it takes you 4 cycles, or some more, give yourself time and cut your body some slack!!