Recently I Became A Single Mom

G

ged

New member
It was November 4th. I was pregnant with twins - a boy and a girl. My hubby was with me when I had the C-section a few days ago and we joked about naming them Oliver and Olivia. After naming them (Oskar and Opal, if ur wondering), we rested and stuff.

Then he went to pick up our older two from Grandma’s house. The oldest is 6 and the next one is 3. I waited to ages and my MIL’s house wan’t that far away so I asked a nurse.

I told her his name and she hurried out then came back in and her face was white as a sheet. She said someone with his exact full name and two children with my kids’ full names had just been admitted tot he hospital from a car accident.

The babies had been born at 36 +2 and were in a neonatal care unit but I was recovering so I went to see them.

The truck ran a red light and hit that at the intersection. It mostly hit my husband but also my son and they were unconscious; I went into their rooms (they had separate rooms) to see them also my daughter’s room.

My husband got to meet all our beautiful babies before passing away on the 5th of November.

My son broke his leg but will be fine, both him and his sister have a lot of cuts and bruises but the seatbelts and car seats helped. I know 6 year old who sit in the front seat and I am terrified knowing if that was my daughter she probably would’ve died.

I have been crying a lot but need to stay strong for my babies. My twin sister (fraternal twins run in my family) has been helping look after my kids; she has a 4 year old boy and a 2 year old girl and a 3 month old girl. We are very close and her husband works enough to support their family.

I hope no one in the comments says don’t have children without being able to financially support them; we would’ve been able to financially support our babies without my us and dying, so it’s not our fault.

I can’t properly take maternity leave because I do not have enough money to buy food without it. I am glad we paid of the mortgage!

I miss my husband a lot but feel I am not allowed to; my babies need me.

I will be crying myself to sleep tonight.
 
@ged My heart breaks for you 💔 I cannot imagine how you’re feeling. I hope your family rallies around you & you get the support you need to grieve. You are allowed to mourn your husband & you’re allowed to miss him- there is no time frame. Please don’t think you have to be strong 100%- you already ARE strong, & you should cry & mourn. That lets your children know it’s okay for them to do the same. You & your sweet babies are in my prayers 🩵🩵 I’m not sure what you believe in, but I believe you now have an incredible guardian angel that is watching over you & the kids & that God has a plan for you.
 
@jhomar Thank you ❤️ I was so worried that we’d lose a baby since they were early, twins normally are early.

I’ve been telling myself that my husband will now be with our two miscarried girls and stillborn boy before I had my rainbow 🥲

Sweetest thing is that 6yo keeps telling me he’s happy in heaven. I needed some space so I sent the older two back to their Grandma’s house.
Feeling really bad about it now but sigh.
 
@ged Yes! Keep picturing your husband with your angel babies. He’s getting to love on them & tell them all about you.

Your 6 yo sounds very sweet (& wise too) 🩵 don’t feel bad about needing space! You’re going through something incredibly tough & I am sure grandparents & your children understand. This takes time so give yourself some grace & please don’t spend your time feeling guilty.
 
@ged I am so so so sorry for your loss and also happy for your healthy babies. This is so sad and also beautiful new children life is crazy you never know what is going to happen.

You have so much on your plate right now, please see what you can delegate to anyone else and when possible please get some special healing attention for yourself, whatever that means to you.
 
@ged I was about to post about social security survivor’s benefits, but then I noticed your username, so you’re probably not in the US.

Check for something similar in your country.

Paying monthly benefits to widows/widowers and their minor children is good public policy. It originated during the time that husbands were breadwinners and wives raised the children. Survivor’s benefits are cheaper to the government than having the whole family on government benefits anyway because they’re destitute.
 
@ged This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish there were words that were worthy of expressing how reading this made my heart ache for you. I can only imagine how you must be feeling. From one mother to another, I send you my most heartfelt condolences. 🫂 x
 
@ged I know you feel like you need to be strong for them, but you also need to give yourself time to grieve. You are grieving your husband, your partner, your companion, your friend, the father of your children, your future as you knew it. Don't ignore your pain too long. Maybe find a grieving group or counseling.
 
@ged Oh good Lord…. This hit me badly, I’m so sorry for your loss and what you’re going through right now. No words can fully console you at the moment but please be strong. Continue to look into the eyes of those babies…. I’m sure the sun will shine again 🤗
 
@ged So sorry for your loss! I don’t know where you live, but in the US you are eligible for social security. Bring all birth certificates, SS cards, and your husband’s death certificate to SS office. You can collect a check for each child.
 
@ged This is awful. I’m so sorry. You need a lot of support around you right now and I hope you have that. This is a story for Gofundme if you need extra help financially. How could anyone not help…
Maternity leave especially after what you’ve just been through is not even a question I feel like. These companies that lack basic compassion and empathy don’t deserve some of their employees.
Ugh. My heart is broken for you all but there are some options out there that will allow you to stay home. Even if you have to switch up your job for a bit and apply for assistance, that’s better than not giving yourself and your kids the time they need to heal.
 
@ged That is literally what nightmares are made of. Stay strong but remember it is OKAY to grieve!! You can stay strong by showing your kids that it is okay to grieve and that you are hurting too! I can’t imagine what you are going through! I’m so so so sorry for your loss! My heart absolutely breaks for you!
 
@ged my deepest sympathies.

please look into taking care of yourself too, youneed help just to grieve, talk to your employer and look for help in their EAP programs if they have them. please take care of you and your family i hope you get all you need.

i hope you are looking into assistance programs for your bills, look also at his insurance coverage to help. i assume he had some life ins; if not then you are going to need to look into all forms of assistance to make things work. mortgauge bills all of it can get help with government. you have kids and even they will need help.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top