@theadmiral Yes, children change everything. But you can just change yourself and try to enjoy your new life. Try to find some "me time", interesting for you and your child. I play 8-bit game console with my son. It's interesting for him, and I feel like a child too.
@theadmiral I felt that way at first, but once my kiddo started sleeping through the night, I was able to do my hobbies freely again and able to get proper rest for myself as well.
My little boy is nearly 5 (which I find completely staggering, by the way!). For a while I definitely felt like I lost myself, to the point where it seriously impacted my mental health (which has never been good) and I ended up seeking professional help. I went through a fairly intensive course of CBT and I honestly think that the biggest thing I got out of it was learning how to build even a small amount of 'me time' into each day. Sometimes it's as simple as sitting quietly by myself for a few minutes after after my son is asleep; other days I get can spend a couple of hours on my hobby. The length of time and activity varies a lot, but I make sure to always do something that's just fine.
I strongly recommend finding a hobby that is just for you. I learnt to crochet about 18 months ago and find it incredibly therapeutic.
I really hope you can find a way to get in a bit of daily self care, in whatever form.
@theadmiral I feel this. Before kids my life was my job. When I first became a SAHM 3 years ago I tried to keep up my old social life by having lunch with my former coworkers at least once a month. But thanks to covid I now have nothing. And welcomed a second baby in the middle of covid so that makes it worse. “Me time” is usually an hour every couple weeks when my husband sees that I’m burning out and insists I go upstairs and take a hot bath and read a book alone. Kids are 3 and 8 months and I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. And if I do see a light, as Metallica taught me many years ago, it’s usually a freight train coming my way.
@theadmiral I think about this all the time! Mom of a 4 yo and 1 yo twins. I was never much for drinking or wild lifestyle or anything but I read a lot, wrote a lot, and generally pursued my own interests at my own pace. Now I struggle with it. I wasn’t crazy about fashion or anything but a huge change for me was switching to a maternity and then nursable wardrobe twice. I haven’t worn clothes I really love in like five years! It’s always just like, this fits, that’s on sale. Don’t carry my own purse, throw it in a diaper bag. Not that I leave my house anymore with Covid. I don’t watch my own tv. My Spotify year-end (I’m sure other parents can relate) was filled with kids songs... apparently my “favorite artist” is Pete the Cat. I love my boys. Love them! But yes, I feel like there’s so little time for me to just be me.
@theadmiral I could have written this post. Everything is so tough right now. It’s an incredibly difficult and unusual situation. Have you tried a double bourbon?
@theadmiral I was only just figuring myself out when I got pregnant with my son. Getting pregnant and having him it felt like I had to restart the process of learning who I was all over again. Once he hit 2 I felt a lot like “me” again, but a different version. I was pregnant again by his 3rd birthday, and now I feel like I’ve just hit the reset button on figuring out who I am as my daughter is 5m old now. Maybe not so much figuring out who I am but getting some time back in order to exist as myself. Things are hard but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I can’t say what it’s like to have kids that are much older but my son from the time he was 1 things only continued to get better.
@theadmiral I hear you! The first year is rough! My daughter is 20 months and things are a lot better. Things that really helped me to get to this point where I’m starting to feel like myself again: sleep training (she sleeps 12 hours a night and is totally fine playing in her crib when she wakes up), being super vocal and explicit about the help I need and when I’m feeling overwhelmed, and antidepressants. I had very bad postpartum anxiety and depression and didn’t realize until the right medicine helped clear the fog. I’m not saying it’s for everyone but it helped me tremendously. Things will get better. And don’t beat yourself up for not loving every minute of it! A lot of the first year isn’t fun and that’s ok.
@theadmiral I feel this some days, but I’d say I felt more like this when I was a working parent. I used to feel like all I was doing was going through the motions of working, cleaning, prepping baby stuff for daycare, and caring for my kids. Removing the “work” part has given me a lot more time and energy to get back to the person I remember being before I started working full time. But that’s just my personality, I’m not someone who enjoys hustling and go go going, so when I get too busy I kind of shut down emotionally.
