R.I.P. Old Life

[theadmiral]

Does anyone else feel like they’ve lost who they are as a person? If so, how do you cope? Personally, I feel as though have nothing left of who I was before children. I do try to have some “me time,” but in reality that really only ends up being a couple of hours a week. I keep finding myself looking forwards towards a time when it will be “better,” but I have no idea when that will be. And then of course I feel guilty for not living in the moment and enjoying what I have...which is truly a lot.

For those with older kids: when, if ever, did you feel like you started to get your own life back?

 

[elvent]

@theadmiral I remember in the newborn days mourning the loss of my old life. I mostly missed the freedom of doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted

Going to the store for a quick thing? No problem. Going out for a coffee? Easy. Now leaving the house is a whole endeavor. I could spend all day at my martial arts studio, but now those days are behind me

It takes some time, but I've come to terms that my life is different now. It's harder now with covid, but I like having my little buddy with me at all times. I'm so excited to show him places like the zoo and museums once it's safe to go out

The time that they're little and actually want to spend time with us in the grand scheme of things is so short, so I do my best to enjoy it. During my baby's nap(s) I make it a point not to do chores/do a minimal amount so I get that time to myself to do whatever I want

 

[deetz]

@elvent Literally just had a meltdown today because I tried to go to Target to get DIAPERS and the baby was screaming in the seat. I turned around. Fed her (she didn't need fed), and took a nap. Woke up in time to get my 4 year old from preschool. She is STARRRVVVIINNGGG when she gets home so then she needs lunch. Then baby went down to nap again. And when she wakes up, that's when my 5 year old will get home from school and he'll need fed, then it's dinner, and then it's bath and bedtime.

So yeah, I hope the baby doesn't need more than 4 diapers until husband gets home

 

[huffyhog]

@deetz Target has free curbside pick up, FYI! Also delivery in most areas— it’s an extra $10, but that is a small price to pay for your sanity, IMO lol.

We use Amazon subscribe and save for everything like diapers, wipes, soap, shampoo, detergent, cleaning supplies, toilet paper, paper towels, and even soy milk! Makes my life a lot easier.

 

[deetz]

@huffyhog I do enjoy the curbside pickup!

 

[randall1022]

@deetz I know these are not immediate fixes but, this is why we get diaper delivery (hello bello brand), and we have a small stand of cloth diapers and wipes just in case we run out (24 foldable inserts, 3 shells and 2 dozen cloth wipes)

 

[annemoon]

@elvent Three appointments this week with 4 under 10. Freaking nightmare.

Husband this AM when I say I am tired: well you got plenty of sleep last night.

 

[katrina2017]

@annemoon Omg yes. I told my husband I needed a baby break, several.times he said "you get a break when they nap." Ugh.

 

[annemoon]

@katrina2017 I'm sure that you love your husband as I love mine but the level of their obliviousness is astounding.

 

[katrina2017]

@annemoon Male entitlement is no joke to put up with. Like like can't even argue with him because it's so rediculous I don't want me ears to hear it.

 

[annemoon]

@katrina2017 Here's a crackerjack for ya.

Last night I'm trying to get through 30 Coins and remain awake. I went to grocery pickup yesterday and got some ice cream, because - ice cream. This dawned on me at around 10 pm. I asked my husband if he wanted some and he said yes but made a crack about it being winter and ice cream in the winter was counterintuitive. He said something warm like cream of wheat would be more appropriate.

I went off. I asked him if he knew how often I was ever brought anything for consumption. I may have said that for me to get something like that I have to go procure something for money. I feel like a prostitutes John.

He didn't get it....

 

[lambo53]

@annemoon I love my husband so much but I’m thinking about writing a book for him titled “Things Not To Say To The Mother Of A 7 Month Old”. It usually a revolves around me being exhausted and him thinking that’s an insane notion and asking for me to do MORE things when the baby is finally down for all of.. 30 minutes of nap or finally bed time when I can get maybe 2-3 exhausted hours to myself

 

[annemoon]

@lambo53 The key here is exhausted hours.. This isn't quality time, it's the exact opposite. It's the worst time of all. You sit there feeling like garbage, god forbid you take a glance at yourself in the mirror. Then you have to weigh staying up to savor this trash time - which is all you get - or sleep. Because you know at least 50% of the time you will be up at night (more like 75-90% with 3/4 of my angels.) I am a lucky person who has an extremely difficult time getting back to sleep, so might as well call it at 3 am.

It's a lose lose and guys don't get that. Men specifically do not deal well with situations like that. They have some sort of existential crisis. More likely, they dip their toes, decide the water is too crazy for them and walk away from the pool. While we drown.

Every single joy and success my kids embrace gives me a silent moment of repose - because, I did that, we both did, but mostly me.

 

[godsgirlxox]

@theadmiral The adjustment was huge for me too. I realized I had defined a lot of my personality on things that weren't part of my life anymore (partying, traveling). I couldn't even relate to the music I used to like. I think of myself as a mom first and foremost now, but I've also found other parts of myself again that are part of my parenting life, like cooking, reading, writing book reviews, etc.
It was definitely a profound sense of change though, realizing I wasn't the person I used to be, and letting go of that.

 

[katrina2017]

@theadmiral Quite the opposite actually, I was a hot mess before I had my children. I stopped drinking and started truly living my life. I became me 2.0. I respect myself now. It's hard when they're young because they need soooo much. Remind yourself it's a stage and try to find ways to make life more enjoyable for yourself. Your kids need you happy! Get a robot vacuum or have someone help with chores and take some time to get back into a hobby. More you time is the answer here I think!

 

[savedtoservehim]

@theadmiral Just wait a few years, you’ll have plenty of “ me time” when the kids are teens and sleep in until 2pm and want nothing to do with you.

 

[johanb]

@savedtoservehim Is it bad I look forward to jumping on my kid while he’s trying to sleep in and do the same shit he does to me? Lol I’m joking....mostly. At least I’ll wait past 3:30AM!!

 

[savedtoservehim]

@johanb I used to be so judgmental of my aunt for letting her 2 teen boys sleep in so late on the weekends. Now that I have a 6 and 2 year old I can’t wait til these little shits are lazy enough to sleep in and give me some peace and quiet in the mornings. Right now I wake up at 4am to get a little “ me time” before they wake up.

 

[johanb]

@savedtoservehim Damn didn’t even think of that lol I’m busy imagining my petty levels but yeh, I’m about to have some nice coffee time....in a decade

 

[d002sw]

@savedtoservehim Right lol. Like maybe some day I’ll be able to just get up when I want and go to a Saturday yoga class!