"Pregnancy scares"

[mark58]

I've seen a number of people here mention that they worry they'll have trouble conceiving because they've never had a "pregnancy scare." Honestly, I was on the pill 15 years and good about taking it, so it never really occurred to me to worry that I wasn't one of the 0.3% who got pregnant anyway. But now that we are using FAM in a not-super-conservative way it does give me pause - we consider days safe if I've not had cervical fluid that day, which has meant on low-CM cycles we've had unprotected sex as close as O-3. I trust FAM and know pregnancy is unlikely with no CM, but still - if anything it makes me worry about not having enough CM for when we start trying in ~6-7 months, though it has been pretty variable, ranging from one cycle with 0 watery or EWCM days to 5 days on a couple of others.

On the other hand, hanging around /r/birthcontrol and /r/amipregnant makes me realize that many people who have had a "pregnancy scare" are largely just more paranoid than most people and were never at any real risk of being pregnant - it's wild to me how many people have IUDs or use the pill or condoms AND withdrawal and are still convinced they are pregnant if their period is "late" for a day, or that haven't even had sex and worry about it (with magical flying sperm I guess?). So I wonder what people really mean by "pregnancy scares" and if it gives a false sense of what the risk of it is. Thoughts?

 

[truckerdan]

@mark58 I completely agree with you. However, to have an actual pregnancy scare I would probably need to have a positive pregnancy test and not be pregnant. The odds of that are incredibly rare. I think many people see flirting with the odds and a later period as a pregnancy scare.

 

[mark58]

@truckerdan Yeah exactly! If I had had anything that qualified as a genuine pregnancy scare in my mind, I wouldn't call it a "pregnancy scare" but, like, a "miscarriage incident" or an "abortion ordeal." Otherwise it says nothing at all about your ability to get pregnant.

 

[truckerdan]

@mark58 I can't stop thinking about this, ha! Maybe when people say a pregnancy scare, they really mean that they are concerned because their cycles are irregular and that might mean they have fertility issues, but somehow our society is more okay with "pregnancy scare" (especially since so many pregnancies are accidents) than "potential fertility issues".

 

[truthseeker2022]

@mark58 I get what you are saying. I have worked in the sexual health arena and have to explain that if a method is 99% effective when used correctly then it translates to 1 in 100 women will get pregnant ~per year~, not per sexual encounter. I don't think not having a "pregnancy scare" means anything unless you are someone who knows you were having unprotected sex when ovulating a lot and still were never pregnant (and even that could just be chance and not an indicator that something is wrong).

 

[iampauluk]

@mark58 I have 2 kids and am waiting to try for a 3rd. (Not sure how welcome I am on here, but I feel like a post like this it's ok?). I've had the same partner for 9 years before we married and had kids. I was on the pill for 3 of those years and the other 6 we used the "pull out method". Never once had a pregnancy scare. We conceived #1 on our wedding night. We decided to try for #2…we did 2 months of NTNP, and then conceived the first month I actually paid attention to fertile days.

Additionally, people forget that cycles aren't always 28 days, and ovulation doesn't always happen the same day. Those two things can mess up when your period actually starts...creating the "I'm late!" panic, when in reality you just ovulated a couple days late because of stress, sickness, or some other reason so therefore your period will also start a couple days "late".

 

[tiyashrivasthav]

@iampauluk You're waiting to try, so you're welcome here! No rules about it being your first

 

[mark58]

@iampauluk Totally true. People have no idea how fertility works and read all kinds of things as being indicative of pregnancy when they're not, "lateness" being #1.

Great that withdrawal worked for you so long but you conceived easily when you stopped! Mention that you use it (and actually, don't mention it on /r/birthcontrol!) and many people will be scandalized and say something about "pull and pray," but it's honestly a very effective method if you do it correctly, and in my experience most men don't generally have trouble using it correctly. Also, if a man uses it for a while and it works, it increases the chance it will just always work for him - it seems like most men don't have live sperm in their pre-ejaculate, so the small risk of pregnancy is probably disproportionately skewed towards a few men who do.

 

[melodyt]

@mark58 When I was young and foolish, I used pull out exclusively as a method and never had a pregnancy scare. I can understand why some folks wouldn't want to use it as their own method but in my experience it's not a terrible method.

 

[truckerdan]

@melodyt I have two friends who must have used the method incorrectly.... One had a girl a little over a year ago and one has a four year old boy. Both have one partner who is a medical professional, so I never really understood how they failed so miserably.

 

[melodyt]

@truckerdan Well, no method is perfect. They could have done it right and just been unlucky.

 

[truckerdan]

@melodyt That's true. Data is weird that way. Luckily both were stable and able to adapt to the new bundles of joy.

 

[refei]

@iampauluk I just wanted to say that you're not alone! My fiancé and I have been together almost 4 years, getting married next month, have an almost 3 year old already.... but I'm here because we want another one and we've decided to wait for the right timing. Craving that new baby experience but putting responsibility first is hard no matter how many kids you already have.

 

[pwoods]

@mark58 I’ve had three pregnancy scares.

One was paranoia after I was assaulted in a very intimate way. I was not on birth control and I don’t think he penetrated me with his penis and if he did, I do not think he ejaculated in me. I was not on birth control and my period was 2 weeks late and I was vomiting a lot. I got my period a few weeks later.

Second time, I had a pregnancy dream that felt very real. I took a test and it was negative. I was on the pill. The next morning I woke up to a text from my sister in law saying she was pregnant.

Third time, I had an IUD but I felt very weird. Smells were stronger and I kept vomiting and nothing tasted good. It ended up being a migraine.

Maybe I’m paranoid but I don’t think I’ll have any issues ttc but I’ll still be nervous.

 

[mark58]

@pwoods I'm sorry to hear about your assault. I can see how that would lead to all sorts of fears and that's not weird at all to me.

But you wouldn't think that any of those say anything about your actual ability to get pregnant, right, just that you tend to worry more than others might? So I think it's odd that people use not having worried about pregnancy as a reason it might not happen easily.

 

[pwoods]

@mark58 I don’t think it affects my fertility, no, as I was on birth control that I trusted for two of the scares. I was very good at taking it as instructed so I didn’t worry too much.

I do worry about miscarriage, because my mother had 4 miscarriages. I also worry that my natural cycle is erratic and I may have PCOS due to heavy, irregular periods, weight gain, and new body hair.

I don’t think not having real scares means I’m not able to conceive.

 

[boriquasgirl]

@mark58 I’ve never had a pregnancy scare. I’ve been on birth control pills for 11 years. I’ve never taken a pregnancy test.

I had the same thoughts, that I can’t conceive or something but then I’m like no, we’re just careful!

 

[jeremymeeft]

@mark58 I never had a 'scare' but that's because I never had sex without means of baby-prevention. The closest to being unsafe would be when I forgot my pill two days in a row and took them both a few hours after when I was supposed to take the second.

My body is a bit 'slow' though, so I think the little midget in my ovaries that picks an egg to release didn't even wake up from those two forgotten pills.

 

[mark58]

@jeremymeeft Haha yeah. Combination pills are very forgiving. Planned Parenthood actually published a chart a few years ago that said up to two missed combo pills doesn’t require backup if you catch up because it doesn’t really compromise effectiveness (unless they are the first two or the pack). It takes most bodies longer away from those hormones to get their shit together enough to ovulate!

 

[le4069]

@mark58 Me and bf had a pretty serious scare when we were together 5 months. I'd been off the pill for about a year and was experiencing symptoms of pregnancy (that I now realize was my thyroid levels). I decided to take a test. Positive. Holy shit. Called the doctor and set up a blood draw. Test came back as negative. Thank god. That was the scariest moment of my life right then. Been on birth control ever since. That's what I consider to be a scare.