Originally OAD but now unexpectedly pregnant with second parter. Looking for thoughts/advice

[cescalouise]

I am a 38 y/o female with a 7 year old son from my first marriage. Just found out a few days ago that I am unexpectedly pregnant with my new partner of 2 years. We are torn about what to do and what makes sense for us.

My current partner is supportive and open to what we choose but I am unsure of how to make a decision. I have no doubts that we will have a loving and positive dynamic with an additional child, but am wondering if it’s truly what we want and “need”. In other words, we are open to taking this step in our relationship, but because this was unplanned, we don’t know if it should be the automatic thing to choose.

I always said I was one and done mostly for selfish reasons such as not wanting to go through another pregnancy and also because I’ve enjoyed being able to slowly reclaim the lifestyle I had pre-kids (eg. Being able to travel, have “me” time when my son is in school etc). I’ve also never been a woman that’s “needed” to have kids (ie. no “biological clock” or craving to be a mother). First child was planned, but it was a huge struggle transitioning to being a parent. I’m in a good place now with my son being more independent and I love him and enjoy my time with him. However, I also really value my time for me.

I mainly worry about how this will affect our relationship as well as my first child.

Any thoughts about the matter, or similar experiences people would be willing to share would be appreciated.
There are many more details I could add about my thoughts/feelings and the background situation in general, but the post is long enough! Thanks in advance.

 

[paulgilldrums]

@cescalouise No experience as a parent exactly but wanted to share my experience as someone with two younger siblings 9 and 11 years younger. I was so thrilled to have younger siblings. Once they got back to be toddlers, I had excuses to play with all my old toys with them again. Halloween was fun again. There was less pressure on me as my parents had my siblings to occupy them as well. When I got my drivers license, my parents would give us money to go do bonding things, like get ice cream treats (a big deal at the time). Now that we’re all adults, we’re very close. My younger brother has lived with me on and off throughout his college years and now that he has a job in my area. My little sister was my maid of honor and the godmother to my son. I’m so very glad my siblings were born.

I know not everyone has great relationships with their siblings. I think the large age gap worked well for us- no sibling rivalry, parents did very well making us all feel loved and heard.

Whatever you decide, I wish all the best for you and your family!

 

[cescalouise]

@paulgilldrums Thanks so much for chiming in and sharing your personal experience with younger siblings. It sounds like the dream outcome, really! Of course, there are no guarantees that our family dynamic would go that way, but it gives me some optimism vibes anyhow!

 

[paulgilldrums]

@cescalouise Well whatever you decide, I’ll be sending good thoughts for you! Hopefully the other comments have better advice on the actual “should I have another” part. Good luck going forward!

Also, I’m 38 too and we’re still trying for our second (first is 15 months and it took years to get him) so your post gives me hope that maybe it’ll happen for us!

 

[cescalouise]

@paulgilldrums Thank you so much!
Good luck to you and your family in your journey for what you want!! Sending positivity your way