Not enjoying pregnancy, can’t

[agnes74]

27F and 24M. Engaged. Have been together for a year and a half and expecting our first child together, my first pregnancy. I am currently 25 weeks pregnant and have to drive him to work every morning and pick him up. On Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursdays I drive him so he can go to his wrestling practice from 6pm-8pm. On mondays he watches Monday night raw (roughly three hours) and on fridays he watches smackdown(three hours or so). After I get him from work he will play video games until he has to go to wrestling practice or watch wrestling. Recently he also started to watch UFC. I am starting to feel like a free ride to him. He does not have his license and I am concerned this will be my life during my first pregnancy. Just carting him around. I am so lonely and spend the days by myself in our apartment (currently in a pregnancy discrimination lawsuit where I was unlawfully fired). I am depressed. Sometimes after his M-F wrestling practices and shows he will also have seminars with professional wrestlers, student tapings, shows (sometimes a few hours away). I haven’t seen him at all this weekend. His hobby leaves him no time with me, and if we do get time together our “dates” are cut short so he can get home in time for wrestling.

There is no compromise here. He makes me feel bad for not having hobbies (I go to the gym usually on T,W,Th when hes at practice). He feels like I am threatening his hobby. His hobby is for hours and sometimes 7 days straight. I also have to usually take him to all of his hobbies and work. I just want to prioritize myself before baby is here. I’ve never done that. I’ve always been taking care of some “man.” I am exhausted, depressed and so lonely.

I sold my car and use his (he can’t drive). I feel like it is my responsibility to support his lifestyle and in the meantime it leaves no time for me to enjoy things or even find new hobbies. Please help.

This forum won’t let me post so maybe it’s not enough characters- I’ll keep going. Im in grad school full time and will be walking the stage to graduate soon. On this day he has a wrestling event so I feel like I need to rush so he can get back and wrestle. Going into the relationship I knew he loved wrestling, I had no idea how time consuming it is. I would love to have my own hobbies and interests but it’s so hard when I have to take him everywhere. He can’t go grocery shopping for us, laundry, anything without me. Im pregnant and tired. I honestly fear that I will have to drive myself to the hospital when it’s time for our baby to come out. On top of this, will his life be like this with baby? And im supposed to watch our kid by myself while he chases his dream of becoming a professional wrestler? Im slowly loosing time to be just me. Soon I’ll be a mom and baby will obviously come first. I feel like im doing everything on my own already and im not sure how much more I can take.

 

[mitsuha]

@agnes74 This is not okay, he needs to invest time in your relationship not only but especially because kids put a strain on relationships and I will guarantee you: you will not enjoy dealing with this behavior while raising a small child. It sounds like you don’t feel appreciated either and taken advantage of. Personally I would communicate all this to him and set boundaries with him on what you can do for him. He needs to get his license, he’s going to expect you to get up in the AM get ready with a baby to drive him to work when he could just do that himself and let you rest?! I would really consider if this guy is really worth all of this and how you think he will impact your child, their upbringing, and their character as an adult.

 

[garryowen]

@agnes74 He sounds like your teenage son who's obsessed with wrestling, not your fiance.

DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. Get yourself out and let him start paying for taxis. He's not invested in your relationship you're just there to enable his hobby.

It's going to be a million times worse with a baby. Imagine it exactly as it is now, but you've had zero sleep and your nipples are raw. Are you going to be carting baby around to drop him off to wrestling?

It doesn't sound like he's going to give you any support at all. You'd be better off single and make him pay child support.

Are there any friends/family members you can stay with? Do you rent your home, own it?

 

[coffeered26]

@agnes74 You are not wrong at all in your feelings , I want to applaud you on being so strong and resilient throughout so far doing all this running and showing up for someone you care about. You are only pregnant for 9 months , this post already shows your reaching some point of breaking level ! Reaching for help or advice. I’m not on here to brag or compare because everyone’s situation is different. I have been severely sick this pregnancy and both before I was deadly sick throughout with hyperemesis . My firstborn’s father was a street thug , ended up turning out to be abusive a narcissistic liar and cheater and I went through a lot that pregnancy , it literally traumatized me for years , I was just 15 ! She turned 7 yesterday….My son and this baby () have the same father , our oldest together is 4 and will be 5 by the time this baby comes. Taylor ( my spouse) does everything for me. Like when I say everything , everything. Even when he couldn’t work due to me being sick and him not being able to leave me literally , he showed up emotionally for me. He stopped playing his game so much , eventually none at all. He’s up when I’m sick with me every morning 3-5 , he helps me pay for my medicines , we have been homeless together , I mean we have been together through the worst of worst , since 11-11-2018 …it’s a big age gap between us ! I’m 22 and he’s 32. Plenty of people had they share of opinions and we have been through situations that weren’t so great to share…but one thing I can vouch for is I’ve been on both sides of the fence. Im not saying he is a bad guy because he has a hobby , lol no. Great he has a hobby , but the hobby isn’t his life anymore. The baby is. And how he is treating you now (no attention) etc , speaks more volumes than he did before because right now you are at your most vulnerable and fragile time … even you doing all this for him because I don’t know all details or nun , but like does he say thank you? Run you a bath? Rub your feet? Buy you food or try to record any pregnancy moments for you to remember after it’s said & done ? If you don’t speak up now , all of the things you keep inside will lead to your post partum stage and it could bother you more then thinking about it than right now , by not saying what is clearly bothering you . Waiting for him to change by first him acknowledging your feelings and validating your right to feel that way … your running yourself to death !

 

[lorieg1]

@agnes74 Honestly, I've been through a situation similar to this. If he cannot make himself avaliable to you and you relationship then there is a problem. He is showing that he is more willing g to commit to wrestling than he is to his new forming family. It has to change for the better by his choice. I wouldn't recommend marriage until this is fixed. He is happy, you are not. That's not fair. It take two to tango so he needs to step up and have more care and consideration for you as a person and also for you as a woman about to have his child. Will he be willing to make time for your family and for him and baby once you give birth. This is a time to really think about your future.