New SAHM depression

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heremiah

New member
Hi guys so I’m currently a SAHM with a 7 1/2 month old. I’m so lucky to be able to spend my days with my baby boy but it’s been harder than I expected and I feel guilty for feeling sad.

Daycare was not an option as we couldn’t even find a daycare for him, and it would have taken both my checks anyways so we decided I’d stay at home with him. Due to finances right now we only have 1 car and my fiancé uses it everyday for work. And some days all I want is to be able to get out of the house.

I feel so exhausted, lonely and sad. Is this normal?

Edit: thank you so much! I feel a lot better just hearing other people’s personal experiences to know I’m not alone in this. We live in Northern Michigan and not around much so walking anywhere hasn’t really been an option and I just don’t think my Fiancé could understand how I’m feeling. He’d always just kinda joke and say “sorry you go stir crazy if you don’t get out of the house a couple times a week” or “I’ll just stay home with the baby then”

But he took a new job with a schedule that will allow for more freedom for me to get out of the house and financially will help us get a second car in the future.
 
@heremiah There is a big difference between being a SAHP entirely by choice vs circumstance. And either way it’s no fun to lack the funds/resources to get out of the house. Feeling stuck and/or broke is hard.

That’s also a hard age, baby is probably sitting and not yet crawling? They get longer wake windows and feel stuck, are harder to entertain.
 
@heremiah Is there anything you can walk to? Maybe your neighborhood has a SAHP group? I find getting out of the house for anything is key. Good luck!
 
@heremiah First off, sending you a virtual hug! SAHP life can be isolating, finding ways to socialize is important for mental health. Are you able to drop your husband off at work maybe one day a week to be able to have the car for yourself?
 
@heremiah Totally normal - I was part of a parent group when my son was that age last year, and was the shared experience of many of us. Things started getting better as we got closer to my son’s 1st birthday. Also explored an anti-depressant with my healthcare provider, and feel like I got my life back. There’s still rough days every week or so, but things have drastically improved from my son’s infant days. Not sure if it’s because the days are actually easier or if I’m just coping better now, but can say I’m just not someone who enjoyed the infant/baby cave stage.
 
@heremiah No shame in depression medication. Also, you can try more natural remedies like incorporating regular exercise and maintaining a good diet. Being around nature/plants also has been proven to help so visit a greenhouse when your husband is off work or buy some indoor plants.
 
@heremiah I would call it common but not inevitable, if that makes sense? It’s a hard time of year and a hard age, in a lot of ways. So cute but, like, my 2 year old can play by herself, color, bake with me, paint, etc. lots more variety in what to do. My baby still just wants us to gaze into each others eyes…exclusively 😅 so cute, but somewhat emotionally demanding while mentally completely unstimulating by if that makes sense? Or I’m just handing him back the toy he knocked out of reach.

I also think the term SAH is kinda a misnomer, bc most SAHs I know it’s more stay-with-me while we go out and stay home. So more home time, sure, but lots of play dates and library storytimes and errands and playgrounds and hikes and so on. We love stroller walks, too, and walk as many places as we can. But it’s the fresh air and backyard time and walks that keep us sane, as well as the socializing.
 
@heremiah Totally normal. Ime that age was hard because they still can’t… do much? My guy is 20mo now and able to be a lot more active outside and do activities and things so it does 1000% get better. My biggest suggestion would be to get outside! We got a secondhand BOB running stroller and during that time I tried to get us out of the house as much as humanly possible. He was pretty content to sit in it until recently as long as he had snacks so I started running again. Between trying to keep busy, exercising 5x a week, and starting Wellbutrin the whole experience has been night and day for me.
 
@heremiah I go to various libraries in my area. There are always story times happening and then you can stay and hang out afterwards. No one expects you to buy anything and you don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to. I bring a little blanket to put down for my son and just sit with him, read books, nurse, people watch. Just getting out of the house and being around people helps me. I also have a 7 month old.

Libraries are usually on a bus line too!
 
@heremiah I totally get this as I also stay home because it was more affordable for me to do the childcare. We also only have one car.

The loneliness and sadness was directly linked to getting out for me. I have made it a goal to get out with the babies at least every other day, and to get to the gym at least 3 times a week. I go at 8:30 pm. As to getting out, some days I walk to a playground close by, sometimes it’s just outside on our little apartment balcony, and I have also started scheduling activities for the girls and my husband leaves me the car in those days. Would it be possible for your fiancé to find alternate transportation 1-2 days a week so you can have the car? I can’t tell you how huge the change has been ever since I’ve been making the effort to get out. It’s hard some days but I always feel better after.
 
@heremiah I was in a similar situation as you- I wasn't able to drive, I resigned my job after my 2nd boy was born bc daycare was crazy expensive. It was definitely harrrrrd. I'm not much of a small baby kind of person (they're very cute but let's face it, they're boring, they can't do much). A lot of the early days sadly was me feeling bored, tired and a little trapped since I wasn't able to go to many places. The spring and summers were better bc we could walk to nearby parks and occasionally I would talk to another adult! Are there any parks nearby? Would you be into setting up playdates where the other mom/kid come to you or near you? What helped me a little was scheduling alone time or me time (e.g. on a weekend husband looks after the littles for a few hours or takes them to see in laws) while I get to do whatever I want. It's nice to look forward to something. I know how you feel, I know it's hard and there will be feelings of sadness and guilt but it does get better !
 
@msturtle Would it be feasible for you to take your husband to work and keep the car so you can get out? I would not survive this lifestyle if we couldn’t get out of the house every day. Sometimes we just go to Walmart and I let my toddler walk around because she needs a change of scenery!
 
@heremiah Totally normal and you are completely justified in feeling so. One thing that helped me a lot, if you are not able to have access to a car or able to meet up with other moms, is listening to podcasts. There are so many out there, all kinds of genres. Many that are free. You can listen to them wherever. It at least feels like you are talking with an adult. It does get better though. Keep trucking along. You’re doing better than you think. Hughs from a fellow mom of a 7 month old.
 
@heremiah I’m so sorry you’re having a tough time. My husband and I are also on one income and share a vehicle. It can be so hard and lonely!!! Is there an option for you to take him to work in the morning, use the car during the day, then pick him up later?

I have to say what has helped me stay sane is little hobbies here and there, even if I can barely do them, it helps to know there’s something I can focus my energy on when I have time. I love houseplants, reading, and decorating my house… (I get that interior decorating as a hobby isn’t for everyone though, just tossing out some ideas).

Do you have any family close by? My mom has been visiting once a week since my twins were babies and it’s been a lifesaver

ETA that I agree with everyone that mentioned depression medication. Zoloft SAVED ME. I got on it while I was pregnant because I have always struggled with anxiety and depression, and was starting to feel my emotions slip out of my control, so my doctor decided to put me on it. It changed my life. I don’t feel like I am drowning when I start to feel sad. I actually see “a light at the end of the tunnel” when I’m deep in my feelings. Before it was like “this is the worst thing that has ever or will ever happen”

It’s worth considering, I’d bring it up with your doctor!
 
@heremiah Totally normal. It’s sooo hard to care of a baby and keep them entertained or make sure they’re not crying without wanting to break down a little yourself.

How far away does your fiancé work? Or does he have to drive around for work? If you’re not really walkable to stores then I would suggest maybe driving him to work 1-2 days/week so you can go on little outings with your baby then picking him up from work!
 
@heremiah Random question, but did you stop breastfeeding in the recent past? I ended up dealing with a bout of PPD in the months after I stopped bc of the hormone changes, and that all started for me right around 6/7 months... it was another 6 months until I figured out what was going on.

My doc put me on a progesterone cream and I was legit FINE 3 days later and off the cream in about a month. It almost made me mad how simple it was to solve and how long it took me to even figure out what the problem was in the first place, lol!

Anyway, I figured I'd share in case this could be a factor for you. If it's not - I hope you can find a routine that helps. Lots of good support / suggestions here.
 
@keepwalkingon Thank you! I started combo feeding a couple months ago because I just couldn’t keep up with supply. I still breastfeed for night wakings, the morning and sometimes throughout the day. I’m not sure how it all works for that.
 
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