Neighbor’s child crying for hours in the early morning. Is this normal?

[jannieb]

@ihavenoname Well if people can actually read (and I believe they do even if they are impressionable new parents) they will see that it is in fact only my opinion and every one has one and they can do what they please with it. I have repeated the same things a few times now so I am abandoning this thread and possibly this sub, so all new parents are safe from my harmful point of views.

 

[ihavenoname]

@jannieb Your views aren’t harmful.

Your presentation of it as NEGLECT and doubling down by saying it’s a CAUSE FOR ALARM is needless sensationalism, especially when what you used as evidence doesn’t back up your views

Also, you back up your views by saying you live in a different country or that the people around you view things differently. But this isn’t evidence. It’s more noise

You don’t have to leave. I just don’t think you’re trying to be helpful or anything, but that’s just my opinion

 

[jannieb]

@ihavenoname I used "alarmed" because it had been used by another commenter and I did feel it was rather dramatic too. But in other words yeah it feels pretty fucking weird to me to see so many people defending the crying out method as a valid way to parent.
Besides there was nobody to help on this thread, just people guessing why a kid maybe crying at night to the point of worrying their neighbour. One commenter said "some parents feel [sleep training by crying out] is neglectful" I said yeah I am one of those parent here's why I think what I think but to each their own, I guess. And. That's. It

 

[sodafox]

@jannieb So without doing anything to get the child to sleep and instead responding to every cry, how long does it take for the child to "naturally regulate", as you say?

 

[ggirl1986]

@sodafox For me, about three years.

 

[%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%88%D9%88]

@sodafox Well, there are strategies one can use, such as waiting a few minutes, going in to soothe the child, then slowly extending those periods in between soothing. Establishing a bedtime routine can be extremely helpful too - for example, feeding (while still applicable), reading a book, singing a song, then putting to bed while still awake. Minus the feeding part, this is still a really sweet rhythm to maintain as the kid gets older. Heck, my oldest is 9, and it's still one of her favorite things we do.

It IS still a very rough process. Which is why we practiced from day 1 putting our kids in their own beds. Sure, sleeping with the kid is easier early on, but if that's what the kid knows from day 1, it's a helluva lot easier than the terror they feel of being left alone for the first few times once they're much more cognizant of the situation.

I had the benefit of being a licensed counselor specializing in couples. I'd worked with lots of folks making the leap to parenting. So we knew the pitfalls of the "easier" solutions when it came to early stage parenting.

 

[ajfoyt]

@sodafox My parents assumed this natural self-regulation would take over. I learned around age 35, 15 years after moving out of my parents' home.

 

[steph]

@jannieb Why do lactation consults always feel the need to shit on blinded, randomized trials

 

[mary_1019]

@jannieb First off, that's the parent's determination to make, not yours. You do parenthood the way you want to do it. But hold your judgement on other parents.

Secondly, there are other, (i'd say better) studies that show no adverse effects of sleep training.

Finally, having sleep trained my kid, I can attest to the fact that for my kid, the total amount of crying in his life was greatly reduced by sleep training.

 

[jannieb]

@mary_1019 Well it's also nothing else but your own experience. Studies can in fact be discussed too that's just how science work and everyone can make their own conclusions with the facts. Everything I have read so far pointed that crying out is not necessary at best and potentially harmful in the long run at worst.
And I said it was not a black and white situation and I don't judge parents who do it, I said it the beginning, I am just doubtful about the efficiency and effect of the method. I am not american and I see in this thread that sleep training is still very much a thing in the US and many parents are very attached to it - and intense about it, which is interesting. Where I am from it's getting frawned upon, very few parents still do it and our kids do sleep fine.

Ps: every kid is different so I have no idea "how long it takes to self regulate" It's like walking and talking you know everyone has their own schedule (and you don't train your kids to walk and talk, yet they still do it eventually)

 

[markoj72]

@jannieb I agree with you completely. Training my infant to feel helpless and alone is not how I parent. I dealt with the lack of sleep for the year and got over it. I could never let him scream and cry for me and ignore him, how fucking cruel.

 

[bolevi]

@jannieb Could you provide a source please for what you are claiming?

Nvm I see you provided one earlier that is in no way scientific evidence.

 

[mary_1019]

@jannieb Here's a study that shows the opposite:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5962992/?holding=F1000&otool=stanford

 

[joylakala]

@ashmarie My guess would be the parents are tired of getting up in the middle of the night and are trying to “sleep train” their child. There’s a lot of debates about if this is a good tactic or not, and there’s lots of ways to approach sleep training. But one of the more commonly used tactics is “cry it out” (or “full extinction”).

I would say there’s a very good chance that this is what they’re doing, and if so, in normal situations this shouldn’t last too much longer.

I would say give it a week or so (I know, it’s awful. I’m sorry this is happening!) then if it is still happening and super disruptive go talk to them.

 

[quinnersawinner]

@ashmarie Could also be night terrors. Kids scream for no apparent reason in their sleep... I've tried to wake and hold my kid to get them to stop screaming and nothing helps. He'll scream for me even though I'm holding him. Good on you for looking out.

 

[horan]

@quinnersawinner My limited experience with night terrors was they'd scream louder if you tried to hold them. Best to just sit by their bed and let them work it out themselves.

 

[ben982743]

@horan My experience with night terrors is the same.

 

[katrina2017]

@ben982743 My son had episodes similar to night terrors. Not sure if they were or not as it didn't happen frequent enough to really take him to the doctor to find out. But yeah, screaming while still asleep and even picking him up didn't wake him or stop it. Luckily he would settle after a couple minutes usually.

 

[ben982743]

@katrina2017 My son’s didn’t last long enough either for a doctor visit. Heartbreaking when they happened though.

 

[katrina2017]

@ben982743 My son had episodes similar to night terrors. Not sure if they were or not as it didn't happen frequent enough to really take him to the doctor to find out. But yeah, screaming while still asleep and even picking him up didn't wake him or stop it. Luckily he would settle after a couple minutes usually.