Neighbor’s child crying for hours in the early morning. Is this normal?

[ajfoyt]

@quinnersawinner Yeah, this is possible. My kid has had sleep terrors. We found early on that we had to wake him up or else he'd be screaming all sorts of weird stuff for a couple of hours. "Mommy" "No, not mommy, mommy go away", "Where's mommy?" "Daddy!" "Daddy, I want bus, go away." "Where did daddy go?" And on while in extreme distress and flalling his body around. Poor kid.

 

[gbtg]

@ashmarie Everyone already covered sleep training and night terrors, but it can also be weening. My oldest was especially stubborn over this. She night nursed until around 2 years old because it was such a fight. When I finally put my foot down it was almost 2 months of no sleep for me

 

[michelle271]

@ashmarie Are you my neighbor? My 3-year-old sometimes cries most of the night lately. We just had a new baby so she's a little bit mourning her single child attention, and also she's got a cough that sometimes wakes her up in the night right now AND she feels lonely sleeping in her own room. Also, she is usually NOT awake when she is crying. I often hear her crying, go check in on her, and she is just crying "mommy, mommy, mommyyyy!" in her sleep. I rub her back until she quiets down but she usually doesn't even wake up.

If that kid is like my kid, they are most likely calling out in their sleep. Of course there COULD be a problem but it is pretty normal for that age too so I wouldn't just assume there's a problem.

 

[gkmasterson]

@michelle271 Happy cake day!

 

[slw]

@ashmarie Coming to one of the parenting subreddits and asking here first before you address your neighbors was and will continue to be the right thing to do first. Good on you and thanks for coming and asking.

I suspect your intuition on age is correct, given they're speaking basic words. If it's regular, like practically every night, it sounds pretty reasonable and normal. That a kid wakes up and screams bloody murder is not itself cause for alarm, that's just how kids cry. Or can cry. And crying is the biggest tool in their communication toolbox. A child's temperament can be drastically different from one to the next. So many parents struggle with fussy children, in one form or another; typically the most brutal would be in regard to fussy eating, sleeping, or hitting/biting/some social behavior issues they need to learn or age out of. Mercifully, my boy is AWESOME in these regards; others - well, not so much.

There's nothing you can or need to do, nothing you can or need to say. They know. They 100% know. They're probably frustrated parents in this capacity, and would probably be embarrassed that you brought it up to them that they've made it a problem for you, too - and don't take this next part the wrong way, they would probably get angry and defensive with you because of a, "you're not a parent/the parent of my child, what do you know" sort of thing. They are trying and don't need to entertain someone's opinion that they're not doing enough, or the right things - and no one invited you.

You risk brushing up on the wrong nerves and coming off as insensitive.

The best advice I can give you is, frankly, what you're already doing. Tough it out. The child will grow up and grow out of this; it may take a few months. To me, that's essentially no time at all; to others, that may seem like a daunting burden, and I can only be sympathetic.

So I recommend you keep up on the earplugs, and if you want to build a bond with your neighbors, especially if you think they may be cool, leave them a tin of cookies and a note with some encouraging and supportive words, that they're doing a good job. Maybe suggest a board game libation night and make friends. Being a parent is a lonely gig at this stage because the child and family demand so much time, and having another adult around on the occasion is just... Nice... And building that rapport will develop you some leeway, if necessary, because now you're not just a faceless neighbor from downstairs.

 

[johanzo88]

@ashmarie It sounds like the parents are possibly sleep training their child. As a parent who has used the cry it out method, I'd like to say from your description it seems these parents are doing the method incorrectly which is probably going to prolong the process.

 

[megnic7]

@ashmarie Without repeating what everyone else has said, yes this is normal. Kids cry and are notoriously bad at sleeping. Don't be concerned unless you hear other troubling noises coming through those paper-thin walls.

 

[newcomer2014]

@ashmarie I would let it play out for a bit and then ask the parents. I had this experience once but it was more like prolonged crying mixed with whimpering. Parents just didn’t want to get up early with her. Now so have kids and let her come into our bed with us so we can sleep a bit longer and give her a little attention. But don’t call the office to complain as that will just cause more stress on the parents and therefore the kid. Let it play out a little longer and then kindly ask the neighbors what’s going on. If they’re just lazy and don’t want to get up with their kid that would be really upsetting. Some kids are just early risers and it can suck but letting them cry for hours is also unhealthy. But if they’re sleep training it can take some time. Good luck. Do what your gut tells you. Hysterical screaming would be really upsetting to hear. Some kids are just stubborn but I never let my kid cry like that on the reg, only in tantrums that we’re helping her work through.

 

[kevinshouse]

@ashmarie Maybe just ask very kindly if their little one is ill and has problems sleeping. Tell them that you understand that it is normal for little kids to cry at night but that you don't have own kids and just wanted to know as you can hear him/her cry at night.
Try to be very understanding and open as the parents probably already suffer in that situation. But I think asking will give you a better picture of what's going on and maybe an opportunity to get to know your neighbours.

 

[katrina2017]

@kevinshouse If they are going through sleep training knowing that the kid does disturb a neighbor will only make it more stressful for them. When we lived in an apartment with a newborn I was so grateful when one of our neighbors was polity lying to me saying that she really never hears our baby cry and how much she enjoys seeing us in the hallway. I totally appreciated that little white lie during that stressful time!

 

[kevinshouse]

@katrina2017 True, but they might already know, that the neighbours can hear the crying. It might also be a relief to know, that the neighbours aren't ignorant or angr but understanding and caring.

 

[malachi569]

@ashmarie I'd only think sleep training would take a week. Usually it sorts itself out within 5-7 days if you're being consistent. Like PP said it could be weaning as well, but that too wouldn't take weeks on end unless the child isn't eating enough during the day/prematurely weaning. Night terrors wouldn't be every night either. It could also be teething... when my LO gets a tooth she was incolsolable and sometimes I'd leave her to fall asleep on her own but she would stop after 10min.
I don't live in an apartment building, but a house and I've been through all of the above with our 20mo old. Are you home during the day at all? If so I'd wonder if during nap time the child screams/has a fit as well. It could be teething. Seems that once my LO was 18mo she would sleep well on her own. There were many weeks of bringing her to our bed and DH sleeping in another room. You could try following the screaming and figure out where LO lives then the next day (NOT too early) knock and say you've been hearing LO crying at night and just wanted to check in with them that all was well. (Maybe LO has an ear infection thats undiagnosed. They are very common and cause the child pain when they lay down.) At that point you could get a feel for them and catch any vibes and if you are concerned and it's been going on for weeks for hours I would most definitely call someone. It's not fair to the child to turn a blind eye when you're concerned. Children in neglectful situations scarcely have advocates to help but it's hard to say what's going on.

 

[dingerdad]

@ashmarie How long have you lived there? How long have you heard the crying? Sleep training can sound pretty awful sometimes and while sometimes it only takes a few days, sometimes it can take weeks. And even children who have gone through it as infants, may need to be sleep trained again if travel or illness has gotten them off their routine. So a lot depends on how frequently you hear the crying, for how many days/weeks the bouts of crying has lasted, and how long the bouts of crying lasts. If it’s everyday for more than three weeks straight with bouts of crying longer than 30 minutes every time, I would be concerned. I would probably try talking to the parents just to get an idea of what is happening. Another possibility is that the child is having night terrors. These can result in crying for over an hour and it sounds really horrible. The child might call for parents even when the parent is awake and attending to them because the child isn’t actually awake. When night terrors happen, you have to ride them out, there is nothing that can be done to stop them. There may be ways to prevent them, but this is an issue for them to address with the child’s doctor. I wonder if you’ve ever had a chance to see the parents with the child during the day? Do they seem attentive and responsive? If so, and if you’ve had a chance to check in and they have a reasonable response (sleep training, night terrors, etc) then I would probably invest in a good pair of ear plugs and try to ignore it as best you can. If your gut tells you that there is neglect going on, then I would call social services or child protective services and make an anonymous report. If they feel that your report warrants a welfare check, they will go out to the home and investigate and hopefully they will help the parents get training and perhaps medical care for the child if needed. And yes there is the possibility that the child will be placed in foster care, but most child protective services an excise first try to provide support and training for parents when possible before removing a child. Good luck.

 

[nnnnnjor]

@ashmarie I always wondered if we’d get the police called on us if we lived in a Apartment opposed to a house. Yes it’s very normal for kids that age to cry out either with night terrors or sleep training. Hopefully it subsided soon and you and the parents can start getting a good nights rest

 

[mary_1019]

@ashmarie ITT parents that have never experienced an inconsolably tired infant.

 

[vibise]

@ashmarie When I was a young niave 19 year old sharing an apartment with my fiance we had neighbors that had a baby.

I felt so bad for that kid. I thought they were terrible parents. That kid would scream and cry for hours a night. The record was close to seven hours with only minor interuptions, even babies take a break once in a while.

Then, I became a father.

My kid set world records. I set world sleep deprivation records.

 

[ihlf]

@ashmarie It's not normal. 5-20 mins of crying, maybe but house every night? Nope.

Make a call to the relevant safety net.

 

[understandforgive]

@ihlf No u

 

[katrina2017]

@ashmarie Depending on who you talk to some would consider this child abuse / neglect already. When sleep training and the child does not calm down on it's own it's recommend to soothe the child after 10-15 minutes and give it another go. It's usually parents who are overburdened with raising a kid trying to force their offspring to sleep alone and in their own beds. There are situations where parents might be on their absolute limits and just need a break... still ... several hours seems rough. Children develop on a spectrum and while some babies and toddlers are fine sleeping alone early on, other kids can't until they are 4-5 years old because they respond to being lonely stronger... these "spirited kids" are harder to raise and in previous generations one would just try to harden them with punitive methods... none of which modern approaches recommend to do, to raise mentally healthy children.

 

[michaelrh1325]

@katrina2017 Huh? Are you seriously equating sleep training with mentally harming children? They aren’t letting a 2 month old cry it out!