Need to vent - accused of child abuse
- Thread starter 999forever
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@999forever Omg I am so sorry you are going through this! Hugs.
When I was little, my parents took me to the ER for an ear infection and I had some dried red kool-aid in my very white-blond hair. Apparently they thought it was blood and accused my parents of child abuse?
My dad said it was really awkward once they realized it was kool-aid…
When I was little, my parents took me to the ER for an ear infection and I had some dried red kool-aid in my very white-blond hair. Apparently they thought it was blood and accused my parents of child abuse?
My dad said it was really awkward once they realized it was kool-aid…999forever
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@xypher101 Ok, I’m going through it but this made me lol so thank you. Your poor parents though!
truthseeker63
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@999forever Take some deep breaths. Get copies of your child’s medical records from the pediatrician. Contact a family law attorney. I can’t give you legal advice — but that’s absolutely where I would start. An attorney can give you more information about this whole process and also be on standby just in case things do escalate. Do not drive yourself crazy reading horror stories on the internet.
@999forever I’m so sorry this is happening to you; how awful to endure.
…that said, if there’s nothing to worry about for you, then you have nothing to worry about. These protocols are in place to protect the most vulnerable children who can’t speak for themselves when they’re in legitimately bad circumstances. My mom still talks about how they sequestered and questioned her when my little bro got his leg stuck in the crib slats- it was bad for her, but she was more upset to know they do that and treat you that way on the chance kiddo is truly endangered. They do that because some kids are
Big hugs to you; it will be over soon.
…that said, if there’s nothing to worry about for you, then you have nothing to worry about. These protocols are in place to protect the most vulnerable children who can’t speak for themselves when they’re in legitimately bad circumstances. My mom still talks about how they sequestered and questioned her when my little bro got his leg stuck in the crib slats- it was bad for her, but she was more upset to know they do that and treat you that way on the chance kiddo is truly endangered. They do that because some kids are
Big hugs to you; it will be over soon.
@idontknow Not to mention the stress, missed work, and hospital bills. Stigma if people find out they're being investigated. Not saying that the right thing isn't being done here, but it is a lot for a family to deal with if they're not at fault for anything.
@nlr1 Wish that was true. The CPS system is rife with corruption, and medical abuse cases in particular are known for being witch hunts. There are countless cases out there of children being ripped from their parents because of baseless accusations from medical investigators. OP should get a lawyer.
livinggrace
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@999forever I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I don't know if this is helpful and apologies if not but this reminders me of this article i saw a while back https://wapo.st/3YQqhCv
@999forever I'm guessing most people just don't call over bruising unless there are more serious circumstances or the bruise is really bad. My kids have gotten all kinds of bruising ever since they could pull to stand. It's normal with mobile babies. I'm sorry you were investigated just for being a concerned parent!
I live in a pretty friendly area. I have two kids in car seats side by side, and multiple people in my area have approached my running mini van in a parking lot while I've been fastening one in their seat, because they see an empty driver's side and a kid on the other side. Just in that little time, people become suspicious my kid is in there alone. When they see me, they apologize and say they're just checking. On the one hand, I'm so glad enough people pay attention to save actually abandoned kids. On the other, it's a reminder that it takes very little as a parent for someone to throw up a giant red flag for potential abuse.
So tricky because so much abuse slips through the cracks, and yet innocent people get put through this. They have to cast a wide net.
ETA: I have had CPS called on my behalf multiple times because I experienced parental neglect. They never removed me or my siblings. They work in some mysterious ways sometimes...
I live in a pretty friendly area. I have two kids in car seats side by side, and multiple people in my area have approached my running mini van in a parking lot while I've been fastening one in their seat, because they see an empty driver's side and a kid on the other side. Just in that little time, people become suspicious my kid is in there alone. When they see me, they apologize and say they're just checking. On the one hand, I'm so glad enough people pay attention to save actually abandoned kids. On the other, it's a reminder that it takes very little as a parent for someone to throw up a giant red flag for potential abuse.
So tricky because so much abuse slips through the cracks, and yet innocent people get put through this. They have to cast a wide net.
ETA: I have had CPS called on my behalf multiple times because I experienced parental neglect. They never removed me or my siblings. They work in some mysterious ways sometimes...
999forever
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@chicka First, I’m so sorry for you and your siblings. As someone whose parents believed in corporal punishment and fear as a way of discipline, I know how terrifying it can feel to be a child subjected to that. My heart is with you. Second, you’re so right about the wide net. It’s sad it needs to be that way and I just never realized how wide it actually was. It’s terrifying being caught in it knowing you did not harm your baby. However, I know this is a case of better safe than sorry but wow, the ringer me and the baby are being put through feels so so hard.
@chicka
So true. My siblings and I were abused. We weren't allowed to talk to police or strangers who called us out of class at school. One time they even had a sick friend of theirs call us to say if we ever talk to the police they would take us away and make us slaves in other people's houses and he was just warning us because it happened to him. We weren't taken away. But by all means, they will investigate the ever living shit out of a bruise.
So true. My siblings and I were abused. We weren't allowed to talk to police or strangers who called us out of class at school. One time they even had a sick friend of theirs call us to say if we ever talk to the police they would take us away and make us slaves in other people's houses and he was just warning us because it happened to him. We weren't taken away. But by all means, they will investigate the ever living shit out of a bruise.
@999forever Unfortunately, unfounded investigations/ false accusations of child abuse happen all the time. It’s the price we pay for catching and putting a stop actual child abuse, but that doesn’t mean its not horrible for the families involved.
When I was 2, my dad took me to IHOP for breakfast on a Saturday morning. According to him, i forgot to ask for a happy face pancake and when the pancake arrived sans happy face, I totally lost it. I had pretty bad asthma as a child too, so when I got upset it sounded like I was gasping for air. Some old ladies a couple of tables over heard me screaming and gasping, and watched as my dad fireman carried me kicking and screaming out to the parking lot so as to let me work through my feelings without disturbing everyone in the restaurant. Well apparently they were convinced that my dad was actually abusing me, so they called the cops. Cops came and got witness statements from a bunch of folks saying they heard me crying and saw me being carried out, but no one could say what the cause of the crying was. My dad tried to explain that I was upset about the pancake, but by then it was too late. CPS got involved, my dad was questioned at length, they contacted our primary care doctor, and apparently there were also several home visits.
My dad says he was never the same as a father after that. From then on, he raised my sister and I always thinking about what strangers might think of what he said or did with us in public, always censoring himself to be nothing but totally 100% unobjectionable. When he talks about it now, I can tell it still haunts him. My dad is one of the sweetest men I know, he never once raised his voice or laid a hand on my sister or I growing up that I can remember.
When I was 2, my dad took me to IHOP for breakfast on a Saturday morning. According to him, i forgot to ask for a happy face pancake and when the pancake arrived sans happy face, I totally lost it. I had pretty bad asthma as a child too, so when I got upset it sounded like I was gasping for air. Some old ladies a couple of tables over heard me screaming and gasping, and watched as my dad fireman carried me kicking and screaming out to the parking lot so as to let me work through my feelings without disturbing everyone in the restaurant. Well apparently they were convinced that my dad was actually abusing me, so they called the cops. Cops came and got witness statements from a bunch of folks saying they heard me crying and saw me being carried out, but no one could say what the cause of the crying was. My dad tried to explain that I was upset about the pancake, but by then it was too late. CPS got involved, my dad was questioned at length, they contacted our primary care doctor, and apparently there were also several home visits.
My dad says he was never the same as a father after that. From then on, he raised my sister and I always thinking about what strangers might think of what he said or did with us in public, always censoring himself to be nothing but totally 100% unobjectionable. When he talks about it now, I can tell it still haunts him. My dad is one of the sweetest men I know, he never once raised his voice or laid a hand on my sister or I growing up that I can remember.
pastorjeremiah
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999forever
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@999forever CPS either overreacts or underreacts. There is no in between. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It isn’t right and the doctors should be held accountable. Babies who move on their own will get bruised unless you put them in a padded room. I hope you’re switching pediatricians.
999forever
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@999forever I feel for you OP, I would feel so betrayed if my son’s paediatrician did that. I’ve gone through a similar situation to yours. I’ve gone through 3 different modalities of therapy, 2 with a psychologist, and 1 with a social worker. They all thought it was bullshit and 2 were really unimpressed because they’d previously reported on other children who were definitely being abused and nothing happened. It kills me how I wandered away at 3 and got kicked by a horse who broke my femur and was hospitalized at 8 for dehydration and my parents never had to speak to a social worker. It’s a human system so it will make mistakes but it’s pretty hard to swallow what you and I have been through when there’s such serious cases falling through the cracks.
999forever
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@999forever I don't want to cause panic, but I recommend you reach out to an attorney in your area with experience defending families to CPS to get guidance on how to proceed. Just like if you were falsely accused of a crime, you would get a criminal defense attorney, you should have professional guidance in this situation.