Need to vent - accused of child abuse

[jdn2604]

@iada The TEN-4-FACESp is just a guideline for when to consider the possibility of non-accidental trauma. Those injuries don’t necessary trigger a report, just a closer evaluation that will help decide whether a report is needed. A lot of it is subjective- is the mechanism plausible (does the story match the injury), does the story change from person to person or over time, how do the kid and parent/caregiver interact, etc. And then there’s the objective physical exam to look for other injuries, and things like labs and/or imaging depending on level of concern.

In your case- you were a caring, concerned parent who gave an explanation with a plausible mechanism matching the injury. So even though your kid had an injury that would bump non-accidental trauma up on the list of things to consider, they didn’t have any safety concerns after talking to you and examining your kid. No report needed!

Edit: and I’m so sorry about your experience. I think things are getting better in some places, for some kids, but so many are still slipping through the cracks. I really loved my rotation because of the incredible thought and care that went into each case, but it was painful to see what so many kids go through. Hope you’re doing ok, especially if you’re a parent- it can bring so much back to the surface.

 

[debzyj]

@jdn2604 I may be confused here. When you say that the pediatrician did the right thing, are you suggesting that the pediatrician perhaps intentionally sent these parents to the ER to trigger a child abuse evaluation?

 

[healingfromgod]

@debzyj As a mandated reporter, if she had any suspicion of abuse, yes, 100% she was doing the right thing by sending them to the ER. Even if it wasn't abuse, which it sounds like it wasn't, the alternative was an extremely serious disease process. Both possibilities could be eliminated or confirmed by the ER, which is exactly where the pediatrician sent them.

 

[debzyj]

@healingfromgod I see. Thanks for clarifying!

 

[kaleidoscopeheart]

@999forever I used to work with someone who was solo parenting one night, trying to prepare dinner, and his toddler snuck up out of nowhere while this person was taking food out of the oven. The toddler put both of his hands right on the inside of the oven door. The parent of course rushed him to the ER and they accused him of child abuse for a good half hour or so.

Unfortunately, at the ER, they are used to seeing the worst, and I think assume the worst. If you know you’re not using your child, and I’m sure you’re not, then, let’s CPS do their thing and just move on with life.

Hugs, that’s so scary and hard.

 

[emjay1985]

@kaleidoscopeheart One time I took my baby to the ER and when I relayed the story about how bad the last 12 hours or whatever were, the doctors asked why we took so long to go to there. I said we were in the waiting room all day!

 

[darkaural]

@kaleidoscopeheart It’s because of the pattern of injuries. Usually burning/scalding both hands or feet is a red flag for abuse, because it happens that abusers hold both hands against something hot, or dunk both feet in hot water. It is more unusual for both hands or feet to be burned, since for ex kids don’t usually get into scalding water with both feet, they do one and pull it out.
Also, the parent may have been negligent in the situation I know it’s really awful, but missing something is worse. You should be professional and not judging the parent while working out what happened.

 

[999forever]

@kaleidoscopeheart That’s horrible. How sad for the baby and for your friend.

 

[freedom93096]

@999forever .

 

[999forever]

@freedom93096 Yes, I learned both of those things after the fact and it’s horrible for those children and the doctors that see them. I am shocked because I never even thought of those being huge red flag places for abuse. My mind just never went there since it’s never happened. Thank you so much for affirming that the bruise on the belly is scary. I have been kicking myself for telling the pediatrician but I was really scared since my other two never had bruising there. Still, I keep kicking myself for putting the baby through all this testing and hurt.

 

[miracleboy]

@999forever I've worked in child welfare for a long time. I will say that doctors are mandated reporters so they have to report any possibility of abuse or neglect to cps. Cps is there to rule out abuse or neglect, and look for any other red flags in the family like alcoholism or domestic violence.

I will tell you that my local children's hospital made an average of 25 cps referrals A DAY. I don't know if that is normal throughout the country but I always have that in mind when I bring my kids in to the ER. Most children's Ears are screening for child abuse EVERY visit.

Another piece of advice when dealing with Drs who are concerned about abuse or CPS, treat them with respect or at least neutrality (at least as well as you would treat serving staff at a restaurant). Not saying you did this, but I've seen a lot of children removed from their parents because the social worker or doctor got offended about the parent being rude or confrontational. It's a normal thought to have when you are being accused of child abuse or neglect that it is all BS, but don't tell that to the people investigating you.

 

[jeremiahslaton344]

@miracleboy That is so unprofessional from the SW or doctor though. Sure, let’s traumatize this kid (possibly for life) by separating them from their parents just because their parents pissed me off!

 

[unquestionablydevoted]

@jeremiahslaton344 This is horrifying. That someone’s hurt feelings can destroy lives.

 

[miracleboy]

@jeremiahslaton344 Yes, it's malfeasance. The child welfare system has certainly saved lives but it has also caused significant generational trauma.

 

[999forever]

@miracleboy Thank you for the context. I didn’t realize hospitals were making that many referrals! We have absolutely treated all workers with respect. I know it’s not an easy job and that it’s not personal. It’s so hard though, to be accused when I know abuse didn’t happen. It’s so shocking and I told the worker that. She said she understood completely and didn’t think abuse happened. She was lovely and talked to my other two in a super nice way. I’m just heartbroken.

 

[jeremiahslaton344]

@999forever I totally get it - I would be so angry at being wrongly accused, and as per the above comment, coukd risk getting my child taken away if I expressed being pissed!

I am so sorry you are going through this and hope it is over soon.

 

[999forever]

@jeremiahslaton344 Luckily I was too shocked to respond with anger. I think I just shut down when they said the word abuse. I also was worried something was really wrong with him, so I just wanted them to do whatever they needed to do to tell me he was ok. My anxiety was and is through the roof. It wasn’t until they wanted to run more tests and sedate him after the initial imaging came back clear that I started to put my foot down but it was such a delicate balance because I didn’t want to upset the doctor for fear of what could happen. I’m still shocked even as I’m writing this.

 

[james1131]

@999forever I’ve been seeing these stories pop up and it’s making parents afraid to take their kids to the ER. You’ve also got the stories of CPS ignoring actual child neglect. I’m so sorry this is happening and it really sucks. Your poor baby.

 

[999forever]

@james1131 That’s the other part of all of this. My son was ok when we took him to the ER. By the time he left, he had bruises on his hand from when he ripped out the IV, bruise on his foot from the second time they drew blood, and screamed while peeing because of the catheter. I feel so guilty and horrible for putting him through all of it.

 

[sutekh]

@999forever Thats so awful omg. Poor baby I can’t.