@prossers7 My mother in law would constantly say babe was hungry when I knew he wasn't. So one day out of spite I gave her another bottle to give him (I didn't think he'd actually eat it all...) well somehow she got him to take the whole thing and then he was MISERABLE for at least an hour. She hasn't overfed him since
@christopherk It sounds like you mom is thinking his cues for something else are hunger. He’s probably bored or tired and she’s feeding him to placate him.
@carsade I really think you’re right - he’s exhausted and fussy on days after her house. He eats, plays, sleeps in a decent routine when at home. He seems hyper aware of his surroundings right now, so I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt that he could be really fussy at her house. I do think he needs to sleep more there.
@christopherk Your mom is over feeding the living F out of your baby.
Sounds like she’s misinterpreting his cues for hunger because that’s easier for her.
You’ll need to have a serious conversation with, write out his feeding schedule and give her prefilled bottles. I do 3 ounces every 2 hours, but it might be different for you.
Teach her skills to help him sleep, to help him burp and fart. Help her understand that sometimes babies are fussy and it’s ok.
Best of luck, this is difficult.
@christopherk I went through this and I was so tired of arguing that I would send formula every other day.
You’re doing great, don’t let old school moms let you feel otherwise! Easier said than done, but once as you redirect that energy to loving on your LO, all negativity fades away.
@phyxius Totally get the being tired of arguing. I’ve literally laminated the CDC guidelines for prepping milk and send bottles ready to go. It baffles me how it is so hard. But you’re so right about just loving them.
@christopherk The rule of thumb that my IBCLC always told me was ~1 oz/hr. When my first was in daycare, she rarely exceeded 3.5oz every 3 hours. If she was going through a growth spurt, sometimes we’d do 4, but that was not often. Babies drink at the bottle much faster than the breast, so bottle can be finished quickly which causes delayed feelings of fullness and can stretch the tummy. A lot of people from the formula era don’t realize that breastmilk is so different from formula and will try to push formula amounts on to BF babies. So frustrating! As long as your baby id having enough wet/dirty diapers in a day, they’re eating enough!
@christopherk First of all, your milk is tailored for the needs of your baby, therefore it can’t be “too thin”. Second, if baby only ‘needs’ more when grandma is looking after him, there’s your answer, grandma is over feeding. The only thing you can do is give her the prepped bottles with a schedule and stop worrying about it. Soon he will start on solids and his milk consumption will decrease slowly, no point on your trying to increase your supply when the demand is about to go down.
My baby used to drink 12oz in 9h at Daycare at 6 months. Now he is 8 months and eating 3 meals a day, his consumption is down to 4oz in 9h. He still breastfeeds on demands at 6pm, 8pm, 11pm, 3am, 6am. We are trying to wean the middle of the night feeds but he usually eats in 5 mins and goes back to sleep on his own.
You can top off with Formula if it helps with the stress but I wouldn’t recommend it, not because there’s anything wrong with Formula but because over feeding a baby is not good.
@oracle999 This is super helpful. Your schedule sounds a lot like mine. Makes me hopeful I can stick it out for a few more weeks until we introduce solids.
At the same time, our LC was hesitant about solids until my mom can get the feeding under control. She was afraid baby would be overfed and then nurse minimally at night, especially since the majority of the week he’s not in the foie gras schedule.
@christopherk Same as bottles, prep the food and send it to your mom and tell her baby is not allowed anything else outside that food until you “test” all allergens.
I personally wouldn’t wait introducing solids for 2 reasons: first because the earlier you introduce allergens, the less chance of baby developing an allergy. Second because their gag reflex is stronger between 6-9 months, easier for them to learn how to eat without chocking. Having said that, I am not comfortable with anyone feeding my child solids yet, he has purees at Daycare and chunky food when he is with me.
Good luck! I know its extremely stressful to have to reinforce boundaries with someone who is “helping” but the wellbeing of your baby is above your mom’s feelings.
@christopherk My partner does this when I’m not home. It’s frustrating and difficult to tell him not to because I don’t want to make him feel like a bad dad or caregiver. But my 7 week old does not eat 8 oz…there’s just no way. Just tell her she is over feeding your baby and don’t give her the 30 oz she asks for. How did she calm you when you were fussy? Tell her to think about that and to try other things before giving a bottle.
@roniben She formula fed my siblings and me. So there was always more milk and always a bottle. I had always read “you can’t over feed a breastfed baby,” but now I realize that only means if you’re feeding at the breast.
@christopherk I feel this post so much. My MIL came over to help my husband watch my baby while I took two hours to take a bath and pamper myself a bit. I left them with an 8 oz bottle under the assumption that hubby knew that baby usually eats 2-4 oz every 2 hours. Fed baby right before, and came back to all 8 oz having been used. LO ended up literally throwing up all of the milk because, shocker, the 1 month old couldn’t handle 8 oz in a 1 hour period
@christopherk The rule of thumb is to send 1-1.5 oz per hour that you are away from your baby. Your mother is absolutely overfeeding him.
Is she doing paced bottle feeding? It's a really common practice that caregivers who don't understand breastfed babies let them chug down a bottle super fast, they get an inevitable tummy ache and fuss, and the caregiver interprets that as hunger and feeds them again, blowing through your pumped milk.
I would educate them on how to give a bottle ( can be touchy when they insist they know and did it a certain way and their kids are fine) and also ask them to try other settling methods before giving more.
You can also let her know that is why bottle fed babies, whether that be breast milk or formula, have a higher risk of obesity due to chronic overfeeding. The thought is that caregivers override hunger cues and force babies to finish a bottle or let them chug down large amounts in 5 minutes, so they don't learn to feel when they are full.
@christopherk Does he take a pacifier? I told our daycare to give her a pacifier if she’s still fussy after 4 ounces, since typically she only takes 3 per feeding. If she won’t settle after 5-10 minutes, they can give her another .5 ounce at a time until she’s satisfied.
Could you give her a list of activities she can do with him? He might just be bored, and I’ve noticed older people don’t really know how to play with younger babies.
@katrina2017 She worked at a childcare center for years (decades ago) and is typically very good with babies and young children. But she’s seldom cared for a breastfed baby, so I think that’s the difference. She thought I would switch to formula once I went back to work. She’s made several comments that they just didn’t pump in her day and that’s why there is formula. I feel like I’m beating my head against a wall because it’s different than what she knows. I think the pacifier situation is part of why she’s struggling. He won’t keep a paci in his mouth more than 2 mins, she’s tried, I’ve tried, my husband has tried. We’ve tried every type of paci (once he was older, we would only try the soothies until 3 mos). If anyone has magic paci tricks, send them my way!!
