Need help - ounces per day

[christopherk]

I work eight hour shifts. With a commute, it’s 8.5 or 9 hours away from baby, depending on the day. On off days when baby is with me, he nurses every three to four hours. He’s almost 5 months old, 50th percentile for weight and 40th for height.

He has two caregivers while I’m working. One comes to our home. He seems to have a better routine and eats 12-16 ounces, depending on whether or not he got a little extra morning feed in before I have to head out the door.

Two days a week he goes to my mother’s house. She insists that she needs five 5oz bottles to keep him satisfied. When I send four 5oz ounce bottles, she calls me panicked that he’s finished his last bottle an hour before I’ll be picking him up. I end up pumping A LOT more to keep up.

I tried leaving a couple of “emergency” bags of milk at her house. But on those days she’ll feed him 30 ounces.

She tells me maybe my milk is too thin, and I just need to feed him formula because he’s never satisfied.

Is it possible there is some way she’s preparing the milk that is ruining it’s caloric value (e.g. overheating, shaking, heating too far in advance)?

I feel like he may not be getting adequate nap time while at her house, and that may be throwing him off?

Has anyone been here? He still nurses at 7p, 11p, 3a, and 7a at home. Sometimes I’ll sneak in an extra session at 8:30a just to top him off before I leave for work. I just don’t know how he could need to eat this much. I talked to the LC at the peds office, and she said my mom needs to feed him 4-5 oz every 3 hours and more is too much.

I’m at my wit’s end. I’ve nursed this baby through COVID, RSV, and flu - and this is going to be what does me in.

I’m angry and frustrated. Sad and overwhelmed. This may be more of a vent than anything.

 

[piepgras]

@christopherk That sucks.

It sounds like you already know she is overfeeding him and I hope you know that "too thin" milk isn't a thing. I think she'd have to be boiling the milk to break down the nutrients.

It's time to have an uncomfortable talk with your mom. I have found that saying "the doctor says...." works well to get some people to accept different childcare practices. Offer her other ways to soothe baby, show her how to pace bottle feed, and give her a nap schedule to follow. Heck, maybe she would do better with a strict eating and sleeping schedule.

Or Is it possible for your in home childcare to become your only childcare?

 

[christopherk]

@piepgras Childcare is so hard - posting twice to add - we’re on waitlists for childcare centers. It can take 1.5 years+ in my area for full-time. My daughter was 2 yo when we finally got her in.

Edited for clarity bc I posted twice.

 

[katrina2017]

@christopherk Childcare IS hard! And it’s hard to have big talks with folks about changing their care habits because you don’t want to lose the childcare!
I had almost the reverse problem—our baby hated most bottle, and wouldn’t finish all the milk I would give the nanny for the day.
The nanny would fill every bottle to the brim, and as we all know, you can’t leave a bottle out indefinitely, so I ended up throwing a lot of milk out, which, after pumping, is really frustrating.
I simply just stopped giving her as much to work with. There is no extra, you only fill the bottle so much, you don’t make a new bottle in the last hour.
I wfh so if he absolutely needs milk I can nurse, but he’s on solids now so he doesn’t need as much milk to get through the ~6 hours.

 

[christopherk]

@piepgras I have told my mom she can come to the next peds visit- both LC and MD are super supportive. I may schedule a weighted feed and have her come with me, since we’re about a month out from his next appointment.

 

[iguana02]

@christopherk I just wanted to say that I know how frustrating that can be. For some reason, people can't grasp the concept that breastfed babies don't need more than 4-5oz every 3 or so hours. I am fortunate that I only work very very part time. If my baby eats while I'm gone, which she will unless she's very upset, the caregivers end up giving her way more than I can ever possibly pump to replace. Babies have a strong need to suck and sometimes that's all they want, yet the caregiver is interpretating it as baby is hungry.

 

[christopherk]

@iguana02 This makes a lot of sense. She told me today that she’s been feeding him every time he has his hands in his mouth. This is a baby who refuses a pacifier.

 

[iguana02]

@christopherk Oh gosh, no wonder she's blowing through the milk! My baby loves to chew her hands, she's learned to suck her own thumb too. She refuses a pacifier as well, that's my job lol. I've tried explaining that babies have a need to suck and that 'hungry' cues can also be sleepy cues and that you have to use your brain. If baby just ate 4-5oz and is still acting 'hungry'' maybe she needs a nap. Do you really think my boobs give her 8-10 ounces a feeding? They certainly do not, she nurses at least every 2 hours during the day. My baby is a big nurse to sleep/nursing fixes everything baby so she'll take a bottle and want to nurse. I think because many formula fed babies end up eating 8 ounces a feed, people think breastfed babies need to as well.

 

[katrina2017]

@christopherk Every baby is different obvi, but my 2 month old sucks her hands for poop reasons/ tummy pains. Almost always she starts sucking her hand like mad if she has to poop or has already pooped in her diaper. I was misinterpreting it as hunger and kept trying to feed her more, then thought she was having some kind of dysfunction with breastfeeding because she wouldn’t stay latched. She wasn’t hungry! Just had to poop or had gas!

 

[19nanny55]

@katrina2017 Lol mine squeals like a piglet and bucks until the fart comes out. It can be a bit startling.

 

[christopherk]

@katrina2017 So good to hear this! Easy to doubt oneself and think you’re not feeding enough.

 

[iguana02]

@katrina2017 Thats adorable lol. My baby is a happy shitter. She'll get all happy and smiley and be kicking like crazy. I told my husband I've heard of babies being happy spitters but ours is a happy shitter

 

[trivox]

@christopherk Hands in mouth is not a hunger cue anymore for 5 months old! I’d be feeding my 6 month old non stop if I fed him whenever he sucked his thumb!

 

[katrina2017]

@trivox Curious when exactly it stops being a hunger cue? 3 mo seems to have discovered her thumb/hands but also still gladly calms with nursing (and not other things) when I see her do it.

 

[katrina2017]

Same exact thing for my 3 month old

 

[prossers7]

@christopherk My 5 mo old drinks about 16 oz while I work (I work 10 hour shifts). My mother in law watched our babe at our house when I returned to work at 3 months pp until with 4.5 months. She would burn through my milk so fast it was so frustrating. She would say my babe was fussy because she was hungry - I think she was fussy because she wouldn’t do anything with her during the day and she was reading her cues wrong. She kept wanting to give her formula. But I insisted she not feed her so much, that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with her. So I got slow flow nipples and told my mil to feed her an equivalent of 1 to 1.5 oz per hour. I ended up compromising and added 2 to 4 oz of milk a day. And actually I still do that with her going to daycare. cuz I don’t think I can pump enough. Either way, it did almost end my nursing, I couldn’t take it. But just stand firm. Prep your bottles ahead of time, that was a huge help.

 

[christopherk]

@prossers7 Thanks for sharing your experience with your MIL. Really glad to know I’m not alone.

 

[iam13]

@prossers7 What is it with older people thinking that fussiness/crying always equals hunger?? Babies cry for other reasons and it’s our job to figure it out. I think it’s the lazy out to just shove a bottle in is face.

 

[christopherk]

@iam13 Agreed.

 

[iguana02]

@iam13 I wish I knew. Same with the cereal in the bottle thing. I'm going to scream at the next person to suggest that.