My cousin just stole my baby name that I had told her about in comfidence :(

birdoftexas93

New member
Me and my cousin grew up being best friends, I would often share all my secrets and feelings with her because I grew up in a unstable household where my mother would often leave my dads house and go to her sisters house i.e my cousins house. So a lot of my childhood was spent at her house bacause of my parents unstable and toxic relationship. I guess, in my childhood naivety since I had no emotional support, I was glad to find a best friend but in my later years when i went on a healing journey, I realised as much as I considered her a best friend , she actually didnt consider me hers. I realised I would share my feelings and secrets but she would never do the same. And as much as I remember she often didnt like us being there. My mother often felt like she was always moody when we were around but since I wanted stability and was a child, I would never notice these things much.
We had a dream school that we really wanted to get into and I got in and she didnt. All hell broke loose after that. She changed for me. She would always have a condecending tone talking to me. She would never appreciate anything about me and often would bitch about me in front of others. She became very toxic. I just couldnt understand what was happening because i wasnt on my healing journey yet and would feel painfull sad about her and her famlies behaviour towards me and also my family.
One thing I realised was eventhough she never appriciated me in front of me but she seemed to be taken note of everything that I was doing and saying and thinking and would find her often projecting it as her own thoughts and ideas in front of others. I never understood why she would that. It never occured to me that she was maybe jealous of me untill I healed and accepted that she infact was and that she was never good to me from the begining. Wasted so many years trying to fix the relationship and seek her validation for everything that I was doing or thinking.

Then comes a boy who I fall madly in love with and he breaks my heart and moves to another country. After he left I found out that i was pregnent for 8 weeks. It was a bittersweet moment because I have always wanted to be a mom but this was such a bad time because I was emotionally devastated with the breakup and I had no financial security because I was just starting to work. Plus the fact that I live in conservative country where having a baby before getting married is a taboo. I healed my tummy acknowledging my baby and cried and cried seeking forgiveness for what I was about to do. I knew I would have had the baby if I didnt live in this country and society. So I went for termination which is legal in my country. I couldnt sleep or think properly and I talked to the baby seeking forgiveness and promising that if god willed we will meet again.

After a few months after the incident. I was a wreak and I was in a full clinical depression. I had told noone about what had happened and my cousin was visting my city and I broke down in fornt of her because of the emotional dependence I had with her. She seemed sorry for me at that time but later I would find out that she actually enjoyed my misery. She went around telling all her family about it later.

Being clinically depressed I was think about the baby all the time, of all the possibilities of what it could have been and basically dying of guilt. Thats when the i stumbled on a name that I felt like would have been my baby. Its like now the baby had a identity and was alive for me in my heart. I knew when I would get married and have a baby with societies concent I would name him/ her that. I found hope with this name.

I meet my cousin again and since i was in a habit of sharing everything, I told her about the name, she liked the name and I asked her what would be her name if she had to name her baby, she said a name which she said had been suggested by her mom. I loved her name too. We promised that our kids would be best friends just like me.

5 years on and I was still battling depression and was on a healing joruney for which my career had suffered. My parents were understanding enough to support me. I became more more aloof and introvert. She had moved back home and with her families support started her business and everything was going great for her and she made sure to gloat about everything in my face. We grew apart because in my healing journey I realised she was the ultimate toxic person in my life from the start and I was blindely emotionally dependent on her because of my childhood.

She got married a year ago. I had to attend the wedding due to family pressure. But despite everything I was happy for her and wisher her well but never again would I let her in my life and headspace again. She had a baby few days ago and again I was eleated for her untill her husband posts the baby name and I was it was the baby name that I had choosen for my future baby.

I am gutt wrentched, i feel pukish, i feel angrey. And this time I cant take it as it is and hence I feel like I should confront her. My mother and sister wants me to be the bigger person and let it go but I cant. What do I do?
 
@birdoftexas93 Unless your family is super close, will your kids even interact? If she’s your first cousin, the kid will be your child’s second cousin. They won’t share grandparents or aunts or uncles. Given how unpleasant she is, it doesn’t sound like you’ll spend much time together. Use the name anyway.
 
@tempset That's the unfortunate part. I live in a culture where its more about the communal society rather then an individualistic one which is why I was never able to avoide her till now even after my healing journey because our families are close, very close. But I appreciated your comment as I understand the value now of cutting off people who are toxic to you no matter how close we or our families are. Boundries need to be drawn, and I might be ostracized in my community for that. For choosing me, the thing that is important to me is then a fake ass person but it needs to be done. Thanks for your comment :)
 
@birdoftexas93 Don't make her problems your problems. It sounds like she's got some emotional issues or some jealousy issues or something. Leave her to them. When you have a baby, use whatever name you want and don't give a thought to her.
 
@whigg I absolutely agree with you. She has some deep emotional issues! The woman needs therepy, and even then, she will be delusional because I have realised that she is the perfect example of a narcissist! Girl thinks everyone is jealous of her. People who get married after her are jealous of her. People who are having babies are jealous of her. Apparently, I have been forever jealous of her, according to her meanwhile stealing my identity, my openions, and ideas. Basically her and her sister think that everyone is jealous of them! I've had enough of tbis at this point, and I will stand my ground and won't budge.
 
Thanks to everyone who are replying. It means a lot right now and I feel heard. Maybe I will find the peace am seeking soon. Will keep you guys updated.
 
@birdoftexas93 Sorry that happened, I can understand your frustration. Honestly though, there is really nothing you can do about this, you can't control what anyone decides to name their child. I think you need to let this go. You can still name your child the name that you like. It really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

And when will people learn to not discuss or share an unborn baby's name?! NOTHING good ever comes from it. Keep the names you like to yourself unless you're anonymous on a forum like this.
 
@guestlist The name I choose was unique. It spoke to me. She wouldnt have named her kid if it would not have come from me because she has always copied me. I feel the point is standing up to a person who has always bullied me and stollen a lot of ideas in the past because she feels entitled because she knows my low points. And standing up especially when I have sentimental connection with the name. I dont think I should let a copy cat bully destroy my percious sentiments in connection to the name. Its just not a name for me. I wouldnt have cared so much if she took my other baby names that I didnt tell her about.
 
@birdoftexas93 There's literally nothing you can do. Whats done is done. And you holding on to this resentment towards her is only hurting you, not her. You can say to her all you want but its not going to change anything. I suggest you talk to someone about this built up anger.
 
@guestlist I am not expecting her to change anything, and being the disgusting person that she is, she will still continue with a stolen name for the baby. It's not very original, but what was changed is me! I will stand up against a person who has always been a bully in my life whose mental harassment and identity theft contributed majorly in my depression. Anyways, I do thank you for replying. I appreciate your comment.
 
@birdoftexas93 If it were me, she and the rest of her clan would be dead to me. I would name my kid what I originally wanted to name them, or take the name she gave you if you were feeling extra petty, and pretend like she doesn’t exist. And if you aren’t ignoring her existence at this point, then this starts with you. Stop giving her attention. Pretend like she’s not in the room. Ignore her when she speaks to you. Don’t go anywhere you know she’ll be. Don’t give her another word, whether in praise or condemnation. She’s no longer family. You don’t know her.
 
@mindy1234 Hahaha. I love your reply. Thank you for this. Yes she is dead to me and she will be after I blast her for what she did. I will still name my child what I had decided.
Love ❤️
 
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