My baby is 12 months. Can I fall asleep with her in my arms now?

[markeita]

She's always been an awful sleeper, but she's sleeping EXTRA horribly right now, I don't know what's going on, I think growth spurt/teething.

The only way she wanted to sleep last night was in my arms. She was restless and uncomfortable while cosleeping, cried when put down in her crib, etc. Literally just wants to be held. My question is, since she's a year old now, is this still considered unsafe sleep?

Like if I prop up my arms with pillows and somehow configure a way to fall asleep while she's asleep in my lap, is that still a huge risk? Or have her sleep in my arms while I'm in the armchair in her nursery?

Sincerely, a mama whose brain is fried from the a year straight of sleep deprivation.

ETA: we have a firm floorbed I put down in her room on bad nights. room is fully baby proofed. this is the chair i rock her in.

 

[ineedjesus543]

@markeita I think propping up pillows around you in a bed so you can’t move/roll would be safer than a chair.

 

[brightmoon]

@markeita I chest slept with my 5.5 month old for 3 months at night. It was the only way he'd sleep. I woke up in the same position I fell asleep in. I don't recommend it if you're not a light sleeper. I didn't get great sleep but it was better than no sleep.

I had one pillow underneath each arm and 2 pillows behind my head. You can check out cosleepy on Instagram, they have a highlights reel with more info about chest sleeping.

 

[markeita]

@brightmoon I'm a very light sleeper and would feel comfortable chest sleeping, but she's 25 pounds so it feels like I'm suffocating, haha.

 

[starlight30]

@brightmoon Seconding this. My 9 month old has chest slept since birth (pretty much). The stats around cosleeping sids are significantly inflated by including sleeping in unsafe situations (couch, chair, not following safe sleeping suggestions when bed sharing). If those are removed, less than 1% of SIDS cases are associated with bed sharing. The position of sleeping with baby on chest is also termed breast sleeping. Dr James McKenna, the head of the notre dame mother baby sleep research institute, coined the term and discusses it as the oldest biological natural sleeping position in his research and books. There is a lot of new research about this form of bed sharing/cosleeping. Essentially, it’s safe, relax, and go for it.

For peace of mind and to sate your curiosity, I’d check out his book “safe infant sleep” and some of his research! Babies aren’t meant to sleep alone, so of course they sleep poorly! Biologically it feels unsafe to them. I mean, if you felt cold and alone and unsafe, wouldn’t you wake up and express your upset?

 

[meki]

@markeita I sleep with my 11 month old on my chest often. That being said, I am always laying in bed, propped up by pillows. The second he wants to roll off my chest, I remove the pillows from the bed and lay him on his side or his belly.

 

[markeita]

@meki i would love this and so would she. she's 25 lbs tho feels so heavy on my chest!

 

[meki]

@markeita lol yeah my son weighs the same

 

[markeita]

@meki do you have any tips to reduce the crushing feeling?? maybe my problem is that every time I've had her on my chest, I've been laying flat on the bed.

 

[meki]

@markeita Yeah don’t lay flat, prop yourself up to a half sitting position where you can easily rest your head on a pillow, separate babies legs on either side of your torso. That way the majority of their weight is in their butt near your waist

 

[tisanewseason]

@meki Love this idea for when baby has a cold

 

[meki]

@tisanewseason This is exactly how we figured this out. Baby was super sick and congested and couldn’t sleep laying down

 

[markeita]

@meki thank you!! amazing plan!

 

[debsie22]

@markeita A note for the future maybe (if there’s another child) - when chest sleeping, it’s considered safe for baby’s head/chest to be higher than their tush/legs, so their lungs and chest aren’t getting compressed (impeding oxygen intake). Which means you too have to sleep/lie at an incline at the very least, preferably somewhat sat up.

 

[jonhansen]

@markeita There was a period of time where my first would only sleep from 4:00 AM onward if I was holding him in my arms. I used our floor bed and propped my arms with small pillows, laid reclined, and made sure his face had enough clearance so he couldn’t easily turn his head into me or roll away without me waking up. It was not my favorite and obviously not recommended but I did my best to make sure it wasn’t a total hazard. I think he was about 5 or 6 months, so old enough to lift his head, which gave me peace knowing he would hopefully move himself if he was in an odd position— I would be very nervous about doing this with younger baby. Since your kiddo is 1 now I think you have even less to worry about, but of course do what you can to make the situation as safe as possible. Good luck!

 

[markeita]

@jonhansen thank you so much. Just reading your experience is making me feel better. my husband and i are slowly losing our minds due to lack of sleep. everyone said it would be better by 1 ... and it is, but there are still way more bad nights than i'd have expected. how long did it take for your son to sleep a bit better?

 

[jonhansen]

@markeita I’m glad this helps. To be honest, my first struggled to completely sleep through the night until he was 3.5 however it got MUCH better before then, and there were a lot of factors on our end that made it harder for us to commit to getting him to sleep independently (for example, moving houses several times), so my experience may not be the best to compare to. Around age 1.5 he got his own room and that helped quiet a bit. Things just slowly improved as time went on. Even when he was waking up a few times a night as a toddler, I didn’t feel like the absolute husk of a human I was when he was waking every single hour or more. I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel, it does get better.

 

[jonhansen]

@markeita Also, if you haven’t already, check out the book No Cry Sleep Solution. It is worth the read at least for validation but has great tips to encourage better sleep and sleep independence without resorting to full CIO.

 

[markeita]

@jonhansen thank you so much!! Def will check that book out. We transitioned from cosleeping to independent sleep (with many many wakes) about 6 months ago so i'm all about trying to get her to sleep better on her own if she'll tolerate it.

 

[valetic]

@markeita I think it depends on your baby's mobility.. I did this with my 8 month old last night because she has a terrible cold and could only breath being held up a bit. We cosleep and neither of us move a lot in our sleep. Also she is able to crawl and pull herself up so I am less worried about her getting stuck under a pillow or something.... its not the most comfortable and I've turned into a light sleeper with her so I woke up pretty much every hour and neither of us had moved.