@onlyjesus316 I'm not sure if you'll get to this comment because you've had a lot of AMAZING responses but I wanted to actually thank you for posting this.
I have a high energy, chatty, intelligent 2.5 year old who bosses me about and some of your comments on here have brought me to tears..
I see you. I see you trying and your heart aching because you're desperate not to repeat the behaviours you saw from you parents, you're disappointed when you feel you've not done a good job because you hold yourself to a very high standard and want to be a good mum, you're used to not letting people boss you around in adult life and wouldn't dream of letting anyone speak to you in the way this little tyrant does... Honestly, I'm the same!! I also have misophonia, although I didn't know that's what it was
so thank you again for helping me learn something new today!
You are a good mum, because you want to do better.. You are a good mum because you're trying. You can't pour from an empty cup, so make sure you check in with your own emotions from time to time so that you're not always on edge.
We very much use silly behaviour to diffuse situations, where it's appropriate at least. If it's something like breakfast choices and we offered her a couple of options and she starts to whine and a tantrum is approaching me or my husband stand on the other side of the kitchen island and 'pretend' to walk down the imaginary stairs behind the island, out of her sight. We say we're going to check the basement for more choices
occasionally we take the 'elevator' down there. Apart from being quite good squat exercises for us, it immediately has her in stitches, we do it a few times then come round and give her a cuddle and talk about how amazing her two options are and usually by then she's in a better mood for choosing. I think sometimes we offer choices and expect an answer from them immediately? I don't know about you but sometimes I need a hot second to make up my mind. The other thing we have done before is establish what she wants for breakfast whilst getting dressed and tell her she has some time to make the decision
I try to see the tantrums as good things (as much as I can!) she's learning to express herself and she's likely to be a good advocate for herself when she's older if I can help her hone it! I have a friend whose child is quiet as a mouse and hides behind her all the time, I'd rather my rambunctious whirlwind than a super quiet child if I'm honest, despite the challenges it brings!!
Do you ever have conversations with him about emotions when he's calm? Our nursery have supported us quite a lot with our LOs emotions. They made a print out of little emotion faces and looped them on to a ribbon for her to bring home so we could all talk about how she was feeling as a family, she LOVED It! Apparently Mummy is grumpy, moody and sad and Daddy is happy and excited...
Seriously though, that means I'm doing my job, I'm the disciplinarian and her dad is fun. I honestly don't mind, I'm just happy she can pick up on our vibes!
All this to say, I'm here in solidarity with you, you are doing an excellent job. I want to put my girl in the trash from time to time, especially when she sasses me and I totally see myself in her
this too shall pass! My messages are open if you ever want to have a moan!