My 13 year old son called a little girl a “b***h”

[georgiana]

I was in my son’s room this evening asking him about something I can’t even remember now, and I looked over towards his phone and saw a bunch of “blue” messages in a row. I didn’t think anything of it at first and didn’t think to read the messages. After I thought about it, I asked him who he was texting that many times in a row. Now just to give some insight, my son has never been one of many words, so it stood out as unusual to me that he would send that many texts without a response. He acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about, so I asked him to grab his phone and I would show him. He proceeded to “scroll” through his texts and open each chat one by one but somehow none of the ones he voluntarily opened had a bunch of blue messages like I glanced over and saw. Single mom mode commenced, and I knew immediately then he was hiding something. I then took the phone from him, and scrolled to the top where the contact was a little girl’s name who I will not mention. I clicked on the chat, and there they were; 10-12 blue messages without a response. The last one reading “b***h,” but without the *. I lost it. He was not raised to speak to little girls or anyone like this. I yelled louder than I’ve yelled in a long time. I made him text her and apologize. I took all electronics away. I apologized to her as well for his actions. I don’t know what to do or how to prevent this from happening again in the future. I’m disgusted, angry, disappointed. I need any and all the advice anyone is willing to give. I’m a single mom with two boys, and he is the oldest. His father is not involved in his life, and I have not dated anyone in about 6 years. I have no idea where he would have gotten this from or why he would ever think that was okay. I need to know how to address this in the morning once we have both had time to settle down. Adding - Just for some context - from the messages I read - he had her number because he had a crush on her. So I’m guessing he asked for it, and she gave it to him. They had conversations on and off for a couple weeks.I read that he asked her about giving his friend a hug today, and then he called and she didn’t answer. I guess he was mad because she didn’t answer on top of being “upset” about the hug so he sent the last text that I mentioned in the post title. I just do not for the life of me understand WHY of all the possible responses or lack thereof he could have had, this was the route he chose.

 

[verytroubledbythis]

@georgiana Do you have any back story on what they were chatting about or why he had her number?

Not that I am excusing his behavior & he obviously knows better if he is hiding it from you but I have seen my fair of “drama” with my son + girls and he is a little younger. These girls looooooved to mess with him like it was some kind of soap opera! He would loose his temper big time. I have had to talk to him about how it’s better to just block them and act like they don’t exist. Eventually they will get tired of their games.

I just had my son drop the f bomb in the middle of orientation & I was so LIVID, not to mention embarrassed because he 100% isn’t allowed to use that language. He has picked up such a colorful vocabulary from his friends. It’s frustrating. The higher the emotions it seems the less control they have over their actions. We’re always talking about how it’s OK to feel these things but it’s a whole different thing to ACT on them! There are better ways to communicate your feelings & I remind him that I am here if he needs to talk. He has gotten better over time. I’ve even had him come to me when his friends were being sketchy and he chose to vent to me about their choices and why he didn’t want to go along with them. It’s all a learning experience!

I’m kinda old school where I ground my son which means taking away screens, including his phone if he can’t use them properly. There has to be consequences still & as the parent you gotta figure out what gets through to your kids. It’s tough having to go through all this alone — I know it! But you got this

 

[georgiana]

@verytroubledbythis Thank you! Just for some context - from the messages I read - he had her number because he had a crush on her. So I’m guessing he asked for it, and she gave it to him. They had conversations on and off for a couple weeks.I read that he asked her about giving his friend a hug today, and then he called and she didn’t answer. I guess he was mad because she didn’t answer on top of being “upset” about the hug so he sent the last text that I mentioned in the post title. I just do not for the life of me understand WHY of all the possible responses or lack thereof he could have had, this was the route he chose.

 

[verytroubledbythis]

@georgiana Aw, it does sound like he got his feelings hurt. Poor guy. I remember my son having some choice words for his crush when she blew him off too. It’s a tough age to be navigating these complex emotions! Hopefully you can help him understand this was the wrong route & he can apologize and do better next time. Sometimes I think they miss out not having a man around showing them how to treat a woman but still…

 

[galaxybug]

@georgiana I can tell you as a Single Mom of a Almost 13 year old Daughter with NO help from her father who has not been active in her life nor has my family or his helped with raising her in anyway. I don’t treat people like that! I am not okay with treating people like that! We are active in church and we are always talking about how we should help others and think of others. However; just like you. My daughter has not only been called that, but she has been bullied so much at school and nothing was done about it and they denied there was an issue that she decided she needed to become a bully to stop being bullied! Now she calls me the Bi*#%h, and she allows her so called friends to call her one, and still be friends with them. As well as she lets them talk about her, steal from her, and use her!
Unfortunately our kids are hearing and learning this from Tik Tok, Likee, Movies, TV shows, and by watching other teens and especially their own parents. Let’s not forget the news stations and politics!
Schools continue to say that there is no problem and that they have a morning defense, their rally’s or so called rallies do nothing!